Arty Pie

September 6, 2015

"Rest, Mom!"
I guess there is really no rest here on earth, especially when you simply go to the closet for something simple, and you realize that with all of the tossing out, you still have more than will fit.

Well, it fits, but not like in an 'Anthropologie display" kind of way.

Then a sit down is required, with some mental re-organizing. Sometimes I wonder if it is a blessing or a curse.

This morning we went back to Genesis. You know, the start of it all. Yes, when you grow up in church, you pretty well know Genesis, right?

Actually one of the really exciting things about reading God's Word is that it never is really old, and as many times as  you read something, you can always discover something new.

Interestingly, as some struggled with "in what order did God do what and how to I remember it?"....I found that really simple.  Perhaps it is because that is the way I taught landscape painting (among other things)..."Order of Creation" I called it.

New today for me though was actually thinking about the reasoning behind the order and how the happenings of the first three days were necessary for the second three days (of Creation.)

Planning. Ahead.     I would call it.
Strategic. Thinking.   Karin would call it.

Practical, I imagine was God's thinking.

Never one for doing unnecessary work, I like to plan it out in my head and hopefully discover what won't work before I dig in.

So here I am with dishes and baking stuff covering the nicely decorated table that was cleared of a few minutes ago.  At 9 PM.  Eesshh! This is what happens when one is left to their own devices!

It probably happened because I started polishing silver. That little project is ending up an a nice tidy bag with a lovely note to one of my favorite thrifts.....(I have two...New to You (TMA) and Goodwill)     The note says, "Enough with the polishing, already. May God richly bless the person who finishes the job so you can sell it to someone who has no clue what polishing will be needed. Please enjoy it as much as I did when it was nice and shiny!"

And the post about pondering.....well, you can only ponder over just so much silver.

At the moment, the challenge at hand is PIE.

Roger's Lesson:  Now tell me why you have seven pie plates when you do not even like to make pie? When would you really even make seven pies at one time?  And if you had that need, you cold call Mrs. Smith. Hers comes with a plate.  Maybe just keep one. 

True enough.  There must be a reason for all of this. I will call it inheritance.  However....my girls will not inherit these pie plates. They do not bake pies either.

So.....who among my relatively close in distance friends has a need for a number of gently loved glass pie plates?  Speak up quickly, for I will be making a trip to Oviedo on Saturday, pie plates in hand!

*Green Anchor Hocking x 3     ** Corning ware white / cornflower   - I would call it a thin pie!

The two on top in the photo - for mini pies, I think, but for the moment, I am thinking they would make really cute paint palettes !

Two simple clear glass ones.....I'll keep til Christmas. If no pie by then, out they go!

Whew!  Plan is in my head....now to go and act on it and create new space in my pantry!
Loved that Genesis lesson!

Little Birds

September 3, 2015

Look at that, all of August has passed and I did not post at all.  What is going on in my life?  Routine disrupted?  Consistency disregarded?  A little too self absorbed?

Maybe some of it all. August was a month filled with wonderful days spent with my niece, a day trip to the beach to spend time with family, and the regular standing doctors' appointments - mostly tests.

I guess that is enough to disrupt anything 'routine,' but oh, so worth it all!

Through it all though, I've done a lot a whole lot of thinking, contemplating, wondering.....pondering. (Love that word!)

And sitting. I NEVER thought I would be a La-Z-Boy gal, but my chair that does not look like the big puffy piece of furniture that eats up your house, has become a constant companion lately. Power naps, we call them.

My biggest struggle lately is accepting that napping is fine, and healing.  This go-go-go girl just does not want to do it.  God keeps showing me that people can and will heal if they rest and it is allowed.   I think I am doing better....at least better than a month ago, so that is progress.  Also, some good test results rather confirmed that I am heading in the right direction. Of course, I give far more credit to the power of prayer than to rest, but I accept that both are needful.

Then there came that little tug. The little one that often leads to something much larger than you expected to be heading into.  Call it....warm colors. Fall colors.

BER has arrived.  Karin won't allow herself certain indulgences until BER arrives. Such discipline - she must get it from her daddy.  Somehow pumpkin cookies made their way into my cart yesterday. I realized it this morning. Magazines are filled with gold and orange and glorious warm browns, rather than hot pink and lime.

Bam....next thing you know, I am whipping out burlap pumpkins and harvest wall hangings.

It actually started with simply rotating the china, from rosy pink to golds and teals. (MY fall scene leans toward teal and purple, with metallics.)  When I think about it though, in February, I did not expect to see fall, so this is actually pretty magnificent!

I'm not sure how the silver polish arrived on the scene, but the little bird was so dark and tarnished that he just needed a little shine.

And that made me think of Roger (even more than I normally do) - because few people - perhaps only myself.... know that he was the greatest silver polisher around.  Talk about never giving up!

Thinking back, I wonder if it had anything to do with the way he loved to see a shiny and bright fire engine - with not a smudge on it.  Firefighter friends....am I close on this one?  Wadding something is an item he loved.

So, with all the love I could muster, it seemed that I should at least give this love of his a shot.  That lasted about 5 minutes.  Perhaps I could be just as happy with a little black sparrow as with a shiny silver one?

Roger's Lesson:  The black stuff is just tarnish. It comes off with a little paste and elbow grease. And all the time spent? Well, just use it for good. Think about stuff while you are rubbing and buffing. It is the gently, repeating action that you are using that brings out the shine. And don't forget the crevices, use the right tool, be sure it is soft because you can't blast the stuff away or you will ruin what is underneath. And ponder. Just enjoy the time and ponder*. 

*Roger knew I loved that word.

In all the busyness of life, we don't often ponder like we ought, and buffing surely keeps your hands busy in an entirely different way. Off the keyboard, and onto something of unique beauty - if you stick with it long enough to see what is underneath the tarnish.

I guess each of us is like that. All that tarnish on top....everyone has something....everyone has something different....but we all have it.  But when we allow Jesus to gently buff - the beauty of what lies beneath will come out.  For people - souls - that real, true beauty is Christ living within.

I could whip out my trusty can of silver spray paint and fix it up, but that would equal dressing up the outside of me, instead of letting God keep buffing away the tarnish to reveal a unique beauty.

Both take time.
I'm kind of glad that the "new" in decorating is metallics.
I'm going to pull out all of my stored silver and buff away.

And while I'm at it.....I shall ponder.

God still has a lot to teach me and I have so much to absorb!

Day Trips

July 30, 2015

It was another early morning. Blood work - labs. That means that I have to be careful what I eat before I go in, and that I better eat something when I get out - or I will be flat on the floor.

I guess the DD down on Kaley was not all that busy at 4:30 in the morning when Roger stopped in, but it surely was too much for me.

On the drive back home though, I kept thinking about cruellers. French Cruellers. Roger introduced me to them a long time ago. Oh. My. Goodness.

I'm not a particular donut fan, unless you put a French Crueller in front of me.


So....as I drove west on the ole 408, all I could think of was the morning day trips we would take on his days off, and how they always started with a stop at DD - for his coffee and old fashioned donut and my hot tea and French Crueller. Sometimes two.

Sweet memories. I made it in and out of DD without undue stress and for the most absurd moment shortly after, there I was driving along boo-hooing like a baby!  I realized that I had just passed Health Central and noticed the new emergency room they are building.

What makes these things come over you anyway? I pass that hospital all the time now and life goes on, but today, it was just overwhelming - it was like living that day all over again. I don't even know what brought it on, but once again, God brought me through it and I somehow managed to make it to my turns without hitting anything. Tears stinging in the eyes makes driving a bit tough!

Roger's Lesson:  Memories come up and you have to take control. You can let the sad moments pass if you determine to think of something wonderful that God gave you that will fill the void. 

I knew it....I could almost hear him say it. And yes, I did. I thought back of those DD days and those day trips, and how that period of time in our lives was the start of something more wonderful than I ever would have imagined. God's blessings still far exceed the pains.

Maybe, day by day, bit by bit, I am figuring it out.
I do keep trying.

Tending

July 28, 2015

For some reason I awoke with energy this morning. My doctor said that would happen on August 1 or shortly thereafter.  I am going to call this a blessing from God because the energy came a few days early. 

I mean, it HAS to be from God....it was EARLY in the morning!  I was up and moving before good ole Chief even realized it was daylight!

It is not even 10 AM and I feel like I have done about as much as I typically do in the space of a day! WOW!  I like this. And yes, I will power nap. I don't want this feeling to go away!

As I reflect back on the last few hours, stepping from my tidy and dreamy bedroom and passing through the garage to get ready for the good ole Waste-Pro guys........ahh.....bliss changed to UGHHHHHHHH AGHHHHHHHH.....pretty quickly.

How very quickly I had forgotten that garage sale prep was going on in my recently tidied up garage.

But, this too shall pass, and I really would not trade it for the world. You see, one of the joys of living very near your children and grandchildren is that grand ideas can pop up at just about any ole time.

I'm not quite sure how creating a gift wrap center in order to conquer the closet overload actually turned into "let's have a garage sale....look, more stuff!"..... but the kiddos are doing it and my only sacrifice is the garage for a few days.  I love it even better because we have a party to attend at the end, which means......THERE IS AN END!

It is amazing to me how much stuff we accumulate in such a short span of time. Things will be a lot lighter at 315, but there is still so much more - and yet, it is used, and often. Incredible actually.  I will forever stand in amazement of how Roger came into a marriage with precious few items of clothing and not much more stuff than his beloved painting of John Kennedy - then he lived another 42 years, full - rich - blessed - living fully, and exited with not more stuff than he came home with.   Does that mean that for 42 years that he just bought stuff for ME?     (I do not that was the problem. He bought gift cards once they were invented - and vacations)

I also find it remarkable that when I tote stuff off to Goodwill - or call for a pickup from my other fav - TMA's New to You (they pick up) - that within a few hours, I don't even remember what left.  Boy - we need all that stuff, don't we?

The most fun I have had in this past 'organizational blitz' though, is the interaction of my loved ones in the process. The sorting, the purging. Not just Juci pulling it out, organizing it, and putting it back.

I asked Emily what she was going to do about her closet when I was gone. (some how I must have said 'expired' at some point for they recently started using that term too)  She did not want to talk about it, but I said that we always have to be prepared, so she thought and said....."well, I guess I'll have to figure it out, but for now, I like when you do it. Can we play a game?"

Jacob on the other hand, is perfectly fine with Juci coming to college occasionally - or often - to organize him. He told me that it would not embarrass him a bit.

Well - it is nice to be needed!

I was headed in a different direction, I think, because I posted a plant photo. I was thinking about my garden, and listening to Hector on the tractor. Lovely!  I guess that will be for another day.

Roger's Lesson:  You like to tend to things. You always have. Your garden is nice but souls need tending more than plants do.  Collect, if it gives you joy, but purge the excess often. Don't let stuff consume you. Tend to those souls you love first and always. It means so much more. 

Yes. The garden dirt and sweat (liquid fat, a dear student calls it)  have been washed away and the lavender has refreshed and relaxed this now achey body - but I would not trade this feeling.  So often, God speaks most clearly when I am in the garden.

Next up, snack, power nap and then to see what additional blessings God brings my way today. Keep your eyes open....God is here in the most mundane and ordinary things of life.

To Do Lists

July 25, 2015

Is it really possible that it has been six weeks since I have posted? Six weeks with lots of changes, unexpected changes.

Thoughts have been swirling in my head every day. God still impresses me with thoughts pertaining to the most ordinary of things. He shows me how extraordinary the little things in life really are.

Writing? I don't know why I stopped. Somehow I think that I lost myself in the whirlwind of life. Somehow I started thinking that I 'needed to get things finished' - though there was no impending need to do so.
Somehow I just let myself get distracted whenever I sat down.

Tired-ness.  Oh there is a whole new level of tired-ness when they use the word 'fatigue.'

Actually, I thought that one was behind me for a while.

That changed on June 11.  X-Ray results.  Cancer on the vertebrae needed to be addressed. I have such a great Doctor ( Radiation Oncologist) - and he is not only patient, but he explains things so that the simple-minded can even understand. He uses visual imagery when he talks. I can see what he is saying and then I can understand.

Big trip planned to Nashville - so he made the treatments work. Actually, God delivered. There were exactly 15 days between my appointment and my departure flight and when things 'worked out' - I knew immediately that it was nothing but the Hand of God in action.

This round was not quite the breeze that I expected it to be. Fatigue - what a word.  Some days it felt like comatose meant more energy.   Ah, but he told me...'this too will pass.'   And it is.

In those early days, when I spent a bit too much time fretting about the 'new cancer' - God continued to give me times of calm and relaxation. He continually reminded me in the silliest of ways that He had not forgotten me and that He was still quite at work.  As I rested, and waited for my doctor to compare MRI results from both January and June, that peace that passes all understanding began to return.

But, in my head, there I went again - with the lists. Those things I 'needed to complete' before my departure.  Talk about voices in your head. Even when you think that you have this amazing power to overcome it, they still are so strong at times.  Maybe I just have too much of a need for order - and completion.

But the good news is that God once again provided me with good news. The cancer we were attacking in June was not 'new cancer.'  It was on the MRI in January and the radiologist (hospital) who wrote the report was not as thorough in his description as he could have been.

Boy, if ever there is a lesson here, I think it is called 'attention to detail.'  Isn't it amazing what the chain reaction can do when just one person is lax about one moment on their job.  All that stress.

And yet, even with the stress, growth occurs - as well as an ever greater realization that I can't do this alone and I can't even begin to project this path - and the twists and turns that might occur. I can't - but God can. And He was never fretting, never trying to figure it out, never resting on the job.

What a comfort!

So, six weeks later, I am almost out of the 'recovery' period of 'post radiation.'
I have been to Nashville - and back - without undue trauma.
I had a great week with the best young grandson this old gal could ever hope for.
Though I feel like the fluids are increasing, I am really working hard not to fret, for God is not surprised and He will just handle it - and prepare me as well, for what comes next.

In many little ways, He has shown me that I need to keep writing. I still don't know why. I feel much more comfortable with a paintbrush in my hand.

Roger's Lesson:  Sometimes God just gets you out of your comfort zone. Go with it. It might take you somewhere that you never expected. 

Yes - Six more weeks without Roger here with me. I don't think I will ever get used to it.

I'm thankful though that six months out, I am still fighting - but not because I can do it on my own, oh no - not at all! In January, we didn't have much idea that I would see summer. The heat is tough, but I am actually embracing summer.  I'm also pushing to enjoy fall - and winter - and then some more.

I have family and friends who don't let me give up - but they do remind me all the time to rest. Rest this old body - let it heal.  Always my challenge, I know.

When you are a do-et, resting seems such the impossible task.

And yet - with God, nothing is impossible.  Not even writing, even when you have no idea why you are doing it or why anyone would want to read it.

God is just remarkable like that. You never know what is coming next.
Now - rest, for Sunday is coming and there will be another great message from our Pastor - and more exciting than that....we are studying Revelation in Life Groups.    Hard to understand, to be sure, but I LOVE the end of the book.
It is what makes the challenges so worth the fight!

Something New?

June 8, 2015

Sometimes it is best to just NOT go surfing around the internet to try to figure out what all of the medical terms mean. Sometimes - most times - it is better to just pray and then trust.

My outlook is pretty positive. Our days are numbered - for all of us - the interesting part is the journey and the decisions we make until that final day.

God has blessed and placed me with such amazing doctors. I feel confident in their decisions. They do not feel threatened if I suggest another opinion, nor if I ask way too many questions.

When preparing for, and being very still during the latest MRI, I asked God to let them see everything that they needed to see - and more than that, to reveal clearly anything that needed to be revealed, whether it was something they previously missed, or if it was something new.

Generalized prayer requests don't work for me. I guess I talk too much. But - God answered, just like He always does.

Sometimes the answer is not what we really want to hear, but it is the answer we need to hear.

The result was a spot on my spine that really needed attention. I could 'wait and see' or I could deal with it. Failing to deal with it might mean that the vertebrae could compress. I know lots of people with those herniated discs and they do not like them. I would rather not go there, so I am thankful that God revealed something that could be dealt with before something worse happened.

Was this here before? I don't know. Is it a new growth? I don't know that either. I guess it does not really matter at the moment. First up - set up more radiation. Get that joker!

So, here I sit, eagerly planning a little trip out of town and now this.
Yes....this is more important. But - the neat thing is that God must see both as important because BELIEVE IT OR NOT - there are just enough days between now and my flight to get the job done!
And I mean ....EXACTLY...the right amount of days!    Only God can arrange this kind of stuff.

And the internet searches? Oh my, they are mostly discouraging - these forums I believe they are called. Once in a while you run across one person that is super encouraging and says things like ---
* PLEASE do not read statistics - you are not a statistic
* PLEASE pay attention to what you put in your body - help it out - give it good stuff
* PLEASE keep the faith for it is the only thing that makes the journey worth the fight.

Roger's Lesson:  Yes, the last one is what he would have said every day - Keep the faith, keep fighting, keep believing that God has more living for you to do, but pay attention to what you focus on.

I know that Roger would have been my biggest cheerleader. I am equally confident that he would not have been shoving green liquids at me though. He would suggest steak every night! Good protein, sweetie!  

But, I like to chew my greens and I do eat mostly healthy  - though like anything I have my weak moments too. One thing God has richly blessed me with is many many cheerleaders who inspire me, encourage me, and have the most positive outlooks - and they pray specifically for my needs. And that is just the most incredible thing.

Today I scanned those statistics and said - eh. God's got this.
For the long or the short of it - God's got this figured out already so my energies can be used elsewhere.

My purpose that I want to see fulfilled?
Most days I question that too.  I hope it has something to do with encouraging others in the faith.

If I live with this stuff every day for the rest of my life, that's ok - as long as I don't give up the faith that is so precious to me. We all live with something - and most of the junk we live with, we do to ourselves in one way or another, I suppose.

And God's statistics are the only ones I really care about, though I do hope He has numbered quite a few more days on my life calendar!

I can't seem to choke down the green liquids, but I will go eat some fresh berries.
I'll look at the whipped cream can, but skip it this time.

Just Marvin

June 3, 2015

It was hard on my back, but I got to do something that I don't get to do so often lately. I baked some cupcakes and decorated them for a very special man.

Of course, he won't see them, nor taste them.  He is seeing Jesus and tasting glory. He lived a really great and interesting life. He was one of my WWII heroes.   Everyone I ever meet who fought in WWII is my hero in some way.

These veterans fought hard for freedom and many have lived long, but they are passing too quickly.  They become those WWII statistics. Daddy was one. Papa was one. Marvin is one.

But they are far more than statistics to those who knew them.
Unique among these vets is that they went out and did a job, rather quickly too, as wars go in contemporary history.  They had a mission and it had to do with eliminating evil - and quickly.  They stayed focused. They got the job done so they could go home to their families. They kept the evil 'on the other side of the pond.'

And we should all be grateful.

They did not have to deal with social media, or too many non-military elected officials trying to call the shots. Lucky them.  It is much harder for our guys and gals on the front lines today.

But they also did not call themselves heroes and actually denied it if someone else called them a hero.
That is a true hero. Someone who just does what needs to be done for the good of mankind.

During Marvin's Celebration of Life service, I learned a lot about him that I never knew. Isn't it interesting the way we never really know anything close to the 'whole picture' of a person's life until we attend their funeral. I guess that is normal, because we all cross paths in different ways and for different reasons.

I learned that while Marvin had a lot of interaction with the US Military during his career, he really only served in uniform for a short period of that long career. Yet, that is where we connected most. I guess that is because I have a special place in my heart for WWII Vets.  I am thankful for that connection.

Nurnberg is where/how we connected. I took a group of students to Germany a few years ago and he was always interested in those travels. He traveled all over the world during his career. He was one of Roger's 'watchers.'  Roger kept an eye on him every Sunday during church services, just in case he fell ill, or needed something.  Roger had his 'precious saints' that he checked on all the time.  He was always on the lookout for someone who might have a need. (Me? Pretty much oblivious....I know, sad to say - however it was really safer for those saints to not have me on-call.)

Nürnberg was a surprise stop during our trip so I did not get to 'study up' before departure, but I surely enjoyed taking it all in and chatting with Marvin when I got home.  He was stationed there.
My tour director grew up there when the American soldiers were still on peace-keeping patrol.
I think it is so fascinating that they likely were there at the same time!

You never know why someone crosses your path, but God does. You never know why you will have some random connection with someone, which draws them into your life - generally so you can learn something from them. And for me, I continued to learn, after he stepped into eternity.

Roger's Lesson:  Don't try to learn everything new for yourself. Learn from those who walked before you. God let you cross paths for a reason. And crossing paths - remember that when you were in 3rd grade and I was a firefighter with a friend down the street from your house - we probably crossed paths too - and didn't even know it. But God did. 

Yes, and that other saint - Marvin's sweet wife.  Without Roger watching over his aging saints - I would never have met her either. No one is going to replace Marvin, but then, no one really replaces anyone, for God made us each unique.  And those who walk through this life with that precious sweet spirit and confidence in their eternal destiny...... well, I will always think that they are the most irreplaceable of them all.

And I am so glad when I get the opportunity to learn from them.  The greatest thing Marvin taught all who knew him though - was not about the military at all. It was not about what you do or where you go or who you know on this earthly walk of ours.  It is about one relationship. One relationship this is more important than all others - and if you get that one right, it will be reflected in all the other things you do.

Yes, it is no wonder that Roger was so fond of Marvin. Common missions, common destinies!

And for Margaret - 72 years together, and now without Marvin. That will be hard to adapt to, but knowing He is well and whole and with Jesus will make it easier.

And I really liked the comment about God making him wait because He really did not need a remote controlled pearly gate.  Yes, I love that while we may not know everything about what Heaven will be like, it is just fine if we imagine it to be like the best of what we know on earth - and then a bazillion times better!

Eternal destiny - most important decision of your lifetime!