Newspaper Clippings

 

What is in a date? Do I try to read something into it?  We cleaned out Roger's locker at KSC and among his vast collection of papers of reference, we found one copy of the West Orange Times. What was so odd about it was the date on that paper. February 10. (2011)   Clearly he did not clean out his locker any too often, but that date. I just froze in place when I saw it.  He left us on February 10, 2014. What was the relevance of that date?  In a newspaper?

I know better than to continually question: why? did he know something and not tell us?  etc. etc. etc.  It does no good and it does not change the outcome. Why put myself through all of that?
Even still...it puzzled me.

So, last week I faced up to checking into those mysterious bins of 'locker stuff'." Roger was not too much of a collector of the normal sort of collectible things. We have space program stuff only because I took it away from him. He saved things like incandescent light bulbs, but not too much else.  Interesting, is what I would call that collection, and then I came across that newspaper again. What was it all about?

It moved to the 'sort' pile again. Next up was gathering all of the assorted papers and memorabilia and putting it into chronological order in notebooks. Why? I don't know. I have this need for order and I needed to get my mind clear for the next project, which I knew could stand to be very emotional.  In the process, that newspaper surfaced again.

I decided to keep only the front page so I would remember to reflect back on it perhaps a year, to see if any new information surfaced. Karin told me to keep the whole thing. So, as I was unfolding that half-folded paper, at the bottom of the page, I found something very interesting.

Roger's smiling face.
In a photo.
At the bottom of page 1. 

  He kept a photo of himself? That did not make any sense. Nor did it make sense that he would keep a photo of himself smiling. He did not care at all for photos!  I recalled that the occasion was an open house at the new Congressional office for Congressman Daniel Webster.  These guys were long time friends. Roger took it personally to deliver Precinct 129 to Dan, and he met a lot of people along the way who voted, just because he asked them to consider Dan. Yes, politics was one of his hobbies and he was faithful to his chosen candidates but he actually walked streets for only a precious few. 

So, I am guessing he took a lot of pleasure out of being in this photo.  Interestingly, he had only a few photos in his locker. The family made it in...whew!  So did Congressman Webster, and former Fl Governor Jeb Bush.  And if he had a photo, I am sure Ronald Reagan would have been there too.  But I am just as sure that after he checks in with his favorite Bible characters, he will be hunting down good ole Ronnie! He will be no less concerned about knocking on all the doors in those mansions over the hilltops (in Heaven) than he ever was in Precinct 129.

Yes, Roger is going to be busy for eternity....so it is good that eternity is a very long time. He found people so very interesting, and he learned so much while he was with us here, that he will have a lot to think about and talk with others about. He has to be loving the ability to worship right at the feet of Jesus right now, and hearing the most glorious singing, and thinking about who he will visit with when he gets the chance. Do I think all of that is part of Heaven? I do. If it is better than things on earth, then I just don't suppose we will be bogged down with the trivial, but be focused on the glorious and the important. And to Roger, people were pretty important. 

Now, Congressman Webster would probably tell you pretty quickly that he was just 'Danny from Pine Hills'...and at one time, yes he was. And he still is in many ways. But he would also tell you that certain things should not be achieved under your own power, that it takes ordinary people doing ordinary things, but with God in the mix, the most unreal things can happen. Many years ago, even Roger never thought he would be in a photo with a Congressman, but he believed deeply that this man could make a difference in our country. A difference, because he was different. In no way self absorbed, always thinking of those to whom he was called to serve.  (yes, called. Unusual, right? )  
God and Country, and in that order. Roger really liked people like that and he was like that himself, though he would never admit it. And that did not necessarily mean they always agreed, but Roger always had faith that HIS Congressman would make the wise decisions based upon God's leading.

Roger's lesson for the day just might be to have faith in regular, ordinary people who let God lead and direct their paths, and then they follow God's leading. That could be you. That could be me. He could just be telling me to continue to seek out that kind of person and support what they do.

I'll be thinking a lot about that one. Jacob told the Congressman that he would take over for Roger in Precinct 129. I'll be "thinking about" knocking on doors of people I don't even know. That would be one great big step for this gal. But this I do know. I have had a great example of how to find people you can believe in and support.

And I too will continue to have faith, encourage, and challenge others.
I think that just might be a pretty good way to finish out this journey!

But for now, I want Roger to talk to EVERYONE in Heaven before I meet him there. Then he can be all mine again.

Failure....and Hope

I feel like such a failure right now. For a couple of days now, I have been re-reading all of the cards that came in over the past few weeks. The messages are so endearing and meaningful.

Yes, I read every one that came in the mail, and I know that I thought about the message, but I am sad to say that so much of it is a blur right now.

I am thankful for the time to re-read these cards. I am thankful that it was not necessary for me to run back to the place of employment and that Roger was so glad when I decided that retirement sounded wonderful after 25 years in one place. On 'my' schedule that retirement date would have been the end of the school year 2014. Look what I would have missed. God even ordered my life 3 years ago, for just a time as this.

I see those messages time and again in these cards. Such words of comfort and peace. And deep down, I do have that. 

But, a failure? Yes...I am so horrific at sending out cards. I always mean well and yet hardly ever get around to getting one in the mail. This needs to change. Maybe I never really realized what a little ole card could do. Sounds like a Hallmark moment, doesn't it?   
See, I always thought that if you did not get the card out before the funeral, well, Miss Manners would come and have a sit down with you. Better to skip it than get a reprimand, right?

Oh...so wrong. I know that now and in that, there is HOPE!   Cards came in the mail today. Cards came that reflected on the service and said how it ministered in the senders life. Cards came that told me stories about Roger, that were recalled only after being in the service. Cards continue to come and they tell me about how this was 'new' news and sad news. Cards have been coming from near and far and oh how I treasure each of them. 

On an aesthetic note, I am also enjoying some quite beautiful penmanship! Ah...such a lost art! 

I have a drawer full of beautiful cards...artsy, you know....but never 'appropriate' with the sayings that are right for the moment.  Guess what, world.....I do believe that I will start using those blank cards with beautiful artsy images on them and make them my signature!  (Actually I received one today and it inspired me to think like this....from an artist, of course)

Always one to walk to the beat of a different drummer.....or maybe to walk differently to the ONE AND ONLY True drummer.....why not be different with cards?  Yes, I plan to keep these cards in a basket where I can dip in for a refreshing thought every now and again. They will continue to inspire and encourage and perhaps make the loss less intense because there was such great love expressed for Roger. 

In a way, I still can't believe all of this. And yet, in a way, I just must. Each day is different, to be sure. But today and it's stacks of cards, and basket full of sentiments actually gave me such great hope. Not just that tomorrow will be brighter than today, or that God has got this whole thing under control, but that I am not a total failure due to my lack of card sending abilities. Other people did not meet Miss Manner's criteria....so therefore I shall follow in THEIR footsteps and send a card when the Spirit moves me to send it. 

Roger's Lesson:  Failure is not an option. Just re-group and take another stab at it.  

Just remember how many times Thomas Edison failed because he could not invent an incandescent light bulb? But that ONE time that it finally worked! And look what Roger left for me....an lifetime supply of 100 watt INCANDESCENT light bulbs! 

Hallelujah!

Stranger Things...

NASA at MCO

This is an absolutely horrible photo, but it does tell a story. 
I  don't recall writing about some of the absurdities of life as it stands now, but probably should so that we don't forget. 

Not being a 'paranormal' kind of gal at all, this sounds weird, but we prefer to call it Roger's sense of humor. Do people speak to you 'from beyond'....will we ever know the answer to that? Likely not, but also probably not.

But do things happen that make you think of someone or relate it to someone 'from the other side'...oh highly likely. Anyway, we have had fun with some of the absurdities in life lately and today was one of them.

I was at the airport (MCO) because Karin was returning from the Phillipines ...YEA!Roger ALWAYS picked her up and of course, departed from home when she departed from her connection city (because you never know if she will arrive early - mind you that we are 30 minutes from the airport and Detroit is 3-4 hours away, but never mind such math!)

So, Jim and I left the Social Security office and headed for the airport, yes, almost two hours early. Now, Jim had great fun exploring the airport, one of his fascinations and I found it interesting following him. Open door? Oh, that must mean that it is ok to go in. Really?  A great adventure to be sure. 

Finally down on the arrivals floor with still an hour of wait time, my eyes turned to the NASA store. As many times as I had been to the airport and as many times as I had taken photos of kids in this location, I had never ever actually been INTO this store.  Knowing there would be a lesson here for sure, I snapped a photo. 

Mind you, I have a new iPhone. Said phone had only 67 photos on it. Said phone was fully charged up. Yet, every time I tried to take a photo, the phone would shut off. I managed to get this very dizzy shot after about a dozen tries. I even shut the phone off...powered it down....and let it rest, then re-started it. Nothing.  

Well, a girl can not be in a NASA shop without shopping, now can she? Yes, I found some interesting things in there and talked to a young lady who had been to the Space Center for the very first time and she was in college!  I can't even imagine. That is like never having been to Disney! Who does that?  It was fun to look at all of the great displays and see photos of places NEAR the fire station. (The VAB...no the photos never show the fire station directly across the street and The Landing Strip photos never show that great station either) Roger had a good time out there. He worked with great people too. 

I recall that one thing I was going to do was make the effort to speak to strangers FIRST....like Roger.   While roaming the airport we ran into two middle school aged boys who were playing in the elevator. Jim told one that this was like and E-Ticket ride. I asked if he knew what that meant and told him about old Disney.  He looked at me like I was from another planet. OK...that one did not go so well. 

Second try was in the NASA store. At least we had a connection, and the girl wanted to learn more about NASA...not at all a bad plan for a girl who worked in the NASA store and wore a flight suit.  OK, better. Two strangers down. 

After I roamed back to the waiting area, found a bench and started to show Jim my NASA purchase, this remarkable thing happened. They guy next to me said, 'man, I have a box load of that stuff you could take off my hands"  (Now, that should have been the opening for...let me give you my email...that is not stuff") but reached into the depths of my shyness and asked if he worked at the Space Center. One question down.   And then for 20 minutes we chatted about his 40 years and 10 year retirement and Roger's 42 years over there, not yet retired.  It was actually fun to find a common thread with a stranger. Then he left to greet his wife and Jim appeared on the scene. 

As people came off the tram (in herds, rolling those bags over tile floors) Jim commented about wondering what flight it was. I told him that it was from Minneapolis. Now HOW would I know that? Well, the man's wife was flying in from Minneapolis, of course, and she was in that herd.  So, we had more waiting to do, because we were waiting for Detroit.    

Imagine that, useful information as well. 

Roger's Lesson:  Don't spend life behind the camera and in the stores. Get out there and talk to someone. You might actually find that you have something in common on this big ole planet. And you might gather some useful information in the process. 

OK. Stranger number 3 was a winner. 

Appointments

Appointments. Roger made this appointment with Social Security on February 5. He insisted that since my 'big birthday' was coming up, I needed to be prepared. Of course, I was already not prepared to meet with the "SSA" believing of course, that I was not really 'that old."  But he insisted. And yes, you could register online, but why do that when you can talk to a person. Oh Roger! 

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that this person to person appointment would be instead for applying for 'survivor benefits."  That sounds so...I just don't even know how it sounds.

This one I KNEW better than to do alone and though he said I did really well, it was because Jim was at my side. 

One thing to remember when dealing with a government agency is to be prepared, and I was. I had a notebook filled with any kind of paper they might want, including wedding photos. (And if you think THAT was not hard...)  You come prepared and they are pretty nice to you too! Our agent was soft spoken and stayed on task and made the process less emotional than I had expected it to be. She never opened the door to frustration. Oh thank you! 

Those wedding photos...wow we were young once, and I was even younger! Ten years...you would think I might have been more prepared for this, as people say, when marrying an old guy. Roger was NEVER old though. Even at 71, he was not old. Old...that is 90. So, no, I never once saw myself sitting in a SSA office applying for survivor benefits. 

But, uncanny as it might sound, Roger was right about an appointment with a person, for that is what was necessary on this day. I keep finding it remarkable the way he always planned for the future but lived each day as if it might be his last on earth. And he was not morbid in ANY sense of the word. 

Possibly as a first responder, he always knew that there was the potential for something to go badly on any call. It is like that for first responders, and he lived that life for 52 years.  Actually, God never actually PROMISES tomorrow. So when you think about it, well....I guess we should all think about it. 

The nicest comment of the experience was "Oh, my dear, I am so sorry for your loss, and you are so very young"....oh, give me more of that! I feel anything but young at the moment!  And yet, how many really young women have I known personally who have sat in this very same spot, with young children to think about as well. 

So, I am not alone in this journey.  I know that. Others have walked it and others have survived. 

And Roger's lesson would be .... that you can do this. I worked hard for all of my life and invested in SSA for us, and now for you. But, be different. Live life to the fullest, be conservative where you must, but don't stop living. You are too young for that. 

Oh, Roger.  Most days, I just want to be older like you, closer to the end of my journey. But in reality, not a single day is promised to any of us, young or old. So, for you, I will keep that young and positive outlook.   (We all know that you stayed young because you had a child bride, right?) You talk to everyone in Heaven til I get there...then they all have to go away when it is my appointment. I will continue to miss you into my old age. 

So Early. Seriously?

Seriously?

Going to bed at 9 PM gets you this, so I suppose it should be no surprise that I am up before the sun. And wide awake, too!  Seven (7) hours is my 'perfect' sleep number, assuming it is good and restful sleep, so these days I have to count backwards and try to figure out when to go to bed in order to achieve a non-alarmed wake up at the appointed time. Actually, that really involves far too much math for me, and last night I was exhausted.

It is nice sometimes to just wake early and listen to God speak in those quiet moments before the day starts getting crazy, and lately, unexpectedly emotional. I like to start my day thanking God for just being in control. Especially where I am right now, it is so comforting to know that I just don't have to know all the answers or know all the plans. It's just too much, too much mind overload at least, to try to figure out the future. Roger would say "one day at a time" anyway. 

Thanking God for the blessings in my life is also a great way to start out the day. Maybe I am writing just so that on sad days, I can go back and read that I believe deep down, that some of these things are what we determine to be...even if sometimes we forget. From the depths of my being, I want to finish this journey on earth as a positive, encouraging, 'fill your bucket' kind of person. Not being an overly emotional being anyway, I just don't want to give in to 'woe is me.'  That is the natural way of 'man' anyway, I think...well, rather, believe. In a way, I am really thankful that God put people in my life all along the way who showed me by example how to get through all kinds of things and still end up smiling. Roger for one, was the ever jolly and positive person. "Jolly Roger" was one of his nicknames and it had absolutely nothing to do with pirates. 

So, in the quiet of this morning, I am reflecting on relatives who from the time I can remember even learning what an aunt or uncle or cousin was, who brought joy and sunshine into the room with them. I am reflecting on childhood friends who were fun to play with because life was simple and we did not have too much to think about other than playing in the sunshine. I am reflecting on high school friends who are still friends today. There was some kind of connection back then that put us together, and 40 some odd years later, we still remain friends. Even when we don't see each other often, it is like a cool, refreshing breeze on a hot sticky day to just see their face! I often wonder if that is not a picture of Heaven...when we see those people again that have been absent in our daily lives for a while.  Then there are the adults who helped to guide us in the days of our youth group. Age being what it is, many of them have finished their earthly journey now and enjoying the glory of Heaven. What examples of how to live a life of faith. I am so thankful to God that He allowed that in my life. And there are those who still remain but are growing frail, but still cheery, and still a blessing in my life. 

But in this earthly journey, though I have been blessed to have been surrounded by people of faith, there are indeed others who are still searching. People are all around us and Roger had a way of just meeting and greeting everyone, far better than I do. If he learned their story, or their journey, so often I would find myself praying for this 'unknown to me' person who was living, enjoying, but really often spiritually existing. We, the two of us, always believed this about people and God, and I am not really sure where we heard it the first time.  If you think about your body as this shell that holds the real you, then think about there being a void inside, make it the shape of your heart if you can visualize that...because without a heart, really, you wouldn't be here. In that heart, the void will be filled with something....so the saying goes something like this....
    " In man, God created a heart shaped void that would be filled with something, so what will it be?" Each man (person) is responsible for filling that void, for it is part of who we are. It is part of that free will that God allows each of us. (This sounds like nonsense if the reader happens to not believe in God, of course)   So, what will fill that void? God would love to be the one to do that, but does not force that issue.  However, that 'troubled spirit" that comes every now and again, is quite possibly God offering a little hint. (In the church world, we call it conviction, which is kind of a heavy word that we don't like to think about, but really....well, food for thought anyway)

And I found myself this morning reflecting on and thanking God for people in my life who were/are adding to the richness of my life even though they don't walk the same path as I have chosen. 

There are all kinds of people who do all kinds of wonderful things in this life. They are fun, they are happy, they love others and help others and are just all around great people and yet might not have filled that void completely. Many do all these things far better than I, and yet in the stillness of the morning still have this unsettling emptiness about life. (And I only know this because it has been shared time and again by various people who have crossed my path)  I believe that I know about that unsettled void.  Sometimes, oh, and especially in America of today...we have so much to distract us from feeling that void. That way, we don't have to face up to this journey we are on, this journey to eternity. We can dismiss it as something to think about for another day, or say that we don't believe all of this God stuff, or that it really does not matter anyway.  Or as Roger did, and showed us daily, we can enjoy this life and what it has to offer, but keep our eyes on eternity and the thought of being in the presence of God because we spent our time here in a relationship with Christ. Roger didn't talk it constantly or preach it loudly, but surely enough, that relationship with Christ was his guiding force through his walk here and I am so thankful to have been a part of his journey. 

I think his lesson for the morning is to go ahead and get up early  (by this time of the morning, he would have already shaved and been out to buy his paper, because why have someone toss it on the ground when you can buy it and talk to someone)...
Get up early and interact with people, and start your journey for the day...
But in that, don't just make it a daily journey, make it a journey with a purpose. A journey toward that eternal life, unending and filled with more than we could ever hope for on earth.

I think he would also say to study up, not only on what is in the Bible, but study about all kinds of stuff, so as you spend your time in Heaven, you'll know more about the people who are already there. After all, it would lead to even more conversation, right?

Now, I find myself wondering if this part of my journey on life is going to turn me into a morning person. Well, that would make Roger happy, for sure! 

Lookin' Around

Just looking' around

Sunday morning and I woke up at 4 AM. What? This might be Roger's shift day, but I've lost track. For 40+ years I was more used to checking with him each week rather than committing a month to memory. He swapped shifts whenever someone else needed it, but almost always asked them to do the payback on a Sunday.

He liked his Sunday's off even though Sunday was often the easiest work day. (Less busy work day, I suppose)

Roger always arrived early for church so he could hear his favorite singers warm up. Well, he was pretty much early for everything..even for his departure, I would say. 

Now this photo was taken some years ago...we can date it by the pager that is hanging on his belt. If we can date when those things went out of vogue, then we know this photo was taken sometime in the decade thereafter. And though he could never seem to turn the thing off at any other time, day or night, he did manage to turn it off while in church. 

Roger always had a greeting or joke or crazy story for everyone. He and his buddy Red had this crazy joke, which I don't even remember. It had something to do with a dog, I think.  After some years of telling the same joke every time they met, they would just twirl their fingers in the air. That was their greeting.  And they would both chuckle. They could be clear across the parking lot and you would see both of their hands go up...and twirl.   Sometimes they would say...'just lookin' around'.....

Wish I could remember the joke, but I know that was the punch line. Red was the pastor for the Seniors and hospital for a long long time. Roger never, ever considered himself a 'senior' and would not go to the 'elder luncheons' in town (What? Turn down good food?) But he loved those who did call themselves seniors and he watched out for them too. 

I'll head off this morning, and earlier than would be my norm, but not nearly early enough for Roger....and I'll hug a few seniors along the way. Carry on the tradition.  And as long as none of them "fall out" we will be just fine. I do know how to dial 911, but boy, don't go down on my watch, OK?!

There seems to be a lot of 'falling out" (Roger's term for needing help) in our church lately.  I don't know if everyone is departing early so they can rise first for the Rapture, but I do know that a whole lot of them knew how to 'be ready.'

The lesson today - Have fun along the way. Make friends, be friends, have little fun inside jokes and greetings, but most of all 'be ready'...you never know when early just might be right on time. 

And, if you haven't found a body of believers that fits you to a tee...just keep searching. They are all over the place, ready to envelope you in the love of Christ.  If you seek...you WILL find. 

Anyway

It made them think of Ro-Ro

There are days when I could stop what I am doing and post - several times a day. Today was one of those days, but I kept telling myself to stay on task. 

This popped up in my email just a moment ago. Bird-a-palooza is where they were heading, must have been a craft show of sorts. I just wanted to stay in and keep at organizing. That might have been a bad idea given that I told myself that I would pick people over paper...but a girl has GOT to get rid of all this paper! 

Anyway, I'm sure they had a great time - it was a beautiful day outside!

The kids found this little piece of art. They said it reminded them of Ro-Ro ...that would be Roger. Grandpa was far too ordinary a name for him, you see!  I think they are right-on and I hope they remember these words too.  (I'll post them at the end for those who are reading this on that tiny little phone)

Actually, I don't even need to add more because those words say it all.  The lesson would be to just do it...and preferably with consistency. 

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. 
It never was between you and them, anyway. "
(I think it says Mother Teresa at the end, but I can't really tell)

I'd probably add to that, 
Some people will think that if you trust Christ to guide you, that you are weak or simple-minded or even weird. But trust Christ anyway.  
After all, when you really think about it, He gave everything for you. Who else on the planet, or in the government that supposedly will take care of you, has done that for you. I expect they would draw the line at dying for you.  But then, when you get right down to it, it is between you and God anyway and what anyone else votes about where you will spend eternity, just does not even count. 

Thanks, Mother Teresa and thanks for living it Ro-Ro!