Candlelight

There is just something about the Disney tradition called "Candlelight."  I've only experienced it once this year - thank you Janie and Eddie - but it never fails to inspire me.

Roger and I would typically show up for no less than six performances each season - yea for Disney passes! He would stand in line at three pm and faithful hold our place until seating opened around 5ish.  I/we would keep him occupied with fresh coffee and he would know the life story of anyone he met in that ever growing line.

Oh - I shopped, or sat on a bench and people watched, or sketched. Then I got in line at the appointed time for only a fifteen minute wait.

Now really, WHO does this!

We voted this year. No takers, so we signed up for the Candlelight Dinner Package.
Guaranteed seats.  Row 3, BABY!   And I am so glad that Janie and Eddie enjoyed it. I  love experiencing Candlelight with someone who has never had that experience before!

John Sinclair is far and away my favorite Conductor. Perhaps it is because I have watched him for so many years. Perhaps it is because I have stood behind the scenes and watched him motivate and challenge the many students who performed over the years. Perhaps it is because I have experienced watching him as well as being directed by him.  I don't know, but no other conductor measures up.

Students who have worked under him at Rollins are truly blessed. Hope they know that!

Though I love every song and particularly the reading of the Scriptures - the Christmas Story - my personal favorite is when the orchestra hits that first note in Handel's Messiah.
It is really neat to sit in the back of the amphitheater and watch people stand before the first note ends. Others begin to get up, but I love trying to get my creaky old knees upright on the first note.

Roger would have been glad that I did not skip Candlelight this year.
I am glad I did not skip it but I am more glad that I did not experience it alone.

God continues to give good and perfect gifts, and the gift of friendships that have lasted through the years is one of the best.
It is really an amazing thing to meet, enjoy one another, years pass, then reconnect and pick up as if hardly a day had passed. Unique maybe.  I think it is that bond that Christ gives us through his body.

Thanks for the day Janie and Eddie!  When I drink my Christmas Tea (England) this year, I'll be thinking of the fun we had that day!

Roger's Lesson:  Never discount the friends that God placed in your life. They make you better. They lift you up when you need that extra boost - and you need to keep doing that for others too.  Journey together until we meet again, or until Jesus comes - whichever happens first. 

Yes - and I very much enjoyed this day's journey!

It's the Experience

Practical - on the scale of practical, I was far more practical in most things than Roger was.  A hundred dollars for a meal? Ah, there are better ways to spend that money.

Roger didn't think that way. If it was something he wanted to try, within reason, he just wanted to do it.

I tended to save for the future and he tended to save some and then live in the now. These days, I think his way was better.

Our 40th anniversary was last May and loving Disney like we did, he picked Epcot - and a mystery restaurant. One of our all time favorites was the wonderful bistro in France. He would often say that we should 'check out' that place upstairs on our next visit. We never had, in all those years, until he surprised me in May 2013.

He knew I would not love the priciness, so he pre-ordered and did not let me see the menu. Clever chap!

You kind of have to know where to find Monsieur Paul - because it is one of those small number of tables, and quiet, quaint restaurants. It is modeled after Monsieur Paul in Paris. (The real Paris, France)

It was spectacular. Seat by the window, overlooking Spaceship Earth. He told me all that mushy stuff like how I was the world to him and how he could not believe 40 years had passed so quickly. He was
quite the romantic that night and I am not at all sure I appreciated it like I do now. Watching the fireworks from our own private viewing spot reminded us of our first dates - though they were in the Magic Kingdom at that time.

We spent a lot of time reflecting back on the life we had enjoyed together. Like everyone else, there had been ups and downs, good times and hard times, challenges and opportunities. Together we grew.
We always loved that little poem that said  "come and grow old with me, the best is yet to be."

And neither one of us actually considered ourselves 'old.'

Well, unless we had worked in the yard all day.

It was one of those days and nights where you stop and enjoy it, embrace the moments and appreciate another anniversary, and then life kicks back into high gear and you get going again.

Today, as I sit and recall, I am so thankful for that moment in time. That moment when he did not discuss with me about the detonation, or the price. I am ever so thankful that I was "retired" and life was not overly busy, nor me, overly stressed.  We were really able to live 'in the moment' for this little period of time.  Disney can be magical like that.  I think God just allowed it.

Reflecting back, I don't think Roger knew his days were numbered like they were, but I do think that when he turned 70 (in January 2013) that he really began to 'redeem the time' and not put off things that he really wanted to do.  Of course, I never saw it then, but hind-sight teaches you a lot.

Roger's Lesson:  Remember this little 'nook' in France every time you walk by. Let it be a marker, much like those stone markers in the Bible, where God inspired men to mark the place where something remarkable happened.  Our remarkable was our life together, our family and what God allowed us to experience on this earthly journey. Don't forget those things. Let them make you stronger and make you love more. And always redeem the time. 

Yes, he showed us how to love. He loved by giving and doing. He loved experiences, not stuff.
He redeemed the time.

J.O.Y.

 How do you NOT love Publix?  Roger had this Publix tradition. It was not enough that he visited for some item or another, at minimum, once per every day that he was off...he also started asking about Christmas tree arrival early in November.

Roger was definitely a dedicated customer. He was well aware that each Publix only ordered a designated number of trees, enough of for their regular customers. Their goal was to get 'em in and get 'em out with none leftover...and none cluttering up the sidewalk space for more than 10 days.  Since he definitely counted himself among the 'regulars' - there was no way that he would walk away without a tree. And on the first day of sales, if he was off.

This year the whole tree thing was a big stress for me. I felt like I needed to go 'real' , for tradition's sake, but how in the world was I going to get a tree on top of my car, home, installed in a stand, into the house and leveled? It was just way too much to think about, so I was well prepared to 'go fake.'      Then Karin suggested a stop by our local Publix, which revealed some fine young men installing trees into stands.   AHA!  When questioned, they assured us that they would do the job and we said...'be right back!"

Imagine their surprise when we were - right back.  I mean, the stand was half the battle. When we found a shield penny on the way to the car, our decision was made. Live tree indeed. Disposition changed.

These guys were hilarious and I found it impossible to be sad and gloomy about what I was missing when these two were so full of the Christmas spirit. They also loved that I brought sheets and bungee cords - so they happily wrapped that tree to keep the sap off my car. They LOVED the bungees!
Roger never shopped around for trees. He went to Publix and he said....I'll take two. Did not even unwrap them.  That....is faith!

Step one - before December 1, we had our trees, Karin and me.

 Moving Christmas trees was not the easiest thing we have ever done, but getting those things OFF of an SUV ....well, mission accomplished!  We put that crazy thing on the car and got it into my family room. Standing up and tied off to the drapery rod....just as Roger would have it.

Back to the SUV and off to Karin's! I suppose it was kind of like chopping down your own tree and sledding it home. One can only imagine. Somehow we wrangled that massive tree into her living room and stood it upright.

 And Karin was far more prepared than I. She had the space and and one very confused doggie. Poor thing. She had moved furniture around, then there was this new and unfamiliar piney fragrance....tough for a blind pup!

Her tree was a good chunk taller then mine, but it is amazing what two determined young ladies can accomplish when they put their heads together! Tree installed!  Pup...still confused.

And this is only the beginning. The process of dragging out the Christmas bins takes days, by yourself. For some reason, last year I decided to buy a ton of matching bins and sort through my stuff. One bin, one project. Every room - a different theme - pure craziness, but Roger loved Christmas throughout the house.

At least it was easy enough to move it all by myself!

And so the decorating 'party' began. While I was accustomed to a nice fire roaring, no matter the outside temp, and the smell of coffee brewing - those were missing this year.  Good old BHN Channel 440 kept the Christmas carols blasting from daytime and into the night. I turned the air down low and put on fuzzy socks, and started with the lights. There is something about those lights that just makes it feel all Christmas-y.  That, and the smell of pine. Work in progress.

And when I stopped to rest, then came the thinking, and the memories, and the tears.

I'm sure they were tears of my/our loss and not tears of his joy.

Yes, Christmas will be different this year, and it has been really hard to record those precious moments along the way, so I really hope that I get them recorded so I don't forget.

Reflection has been different this year. What hurt so deeply only a month ago, has given way to embracing the joy of what Roger loved best about this season.  In the same way that joy is a choice, those waves of sadness are also a choice. I can make the decision to withdraw within and ride it out in sadness and loss, or to rise above it and remember the joyful times and look to the future when we all will indeed be together again.

I think we all have chosen to pick joy throughout this journey. It is what we have done all of our lives, but the joy seems so much richer and so much deeper when you consciously CHOOSE joy after a bout of that deep sadness.  I've come to see that the sadness is also a part of that journey though.  It must be the contrasts that make the feelings so overwhelmingly strong.

So, for the most part this Christmas - or the days leading up to the big day - have been mostly joyful. They have been filled with fun and with laughter.  We have all told our fair share of 'Roger stories' and laughed some more.

Within the week the house was decorated to the point of 'overload' - but I have to admit that my children and grandchildren - and friends too, have commented on it more than I ever recall hearing.

I've decided that either we stop hearing certain things over the years, or we take for granted the simple things, and the beauty around us simply because it is always there.

I don't know if we have taken for granted the joy and laughter that has always been a part of our lives, but I do know that it was a conscious effort this year, on many days, to choose joy and to choose to laugh.  I hope I never take that for granted again.

Roger's Lesson: Christmas is not about you, it is about Jesus. God sent Him to earth - Jesus willingly CAME to earth - and it was for one purpose alone, so don't forget that.  Jesus did not come on the human scene for joy and laughter, though surely he brought it to those he encountered.  He came to save the world from an eternity in hell, where there is no joy and no laughter. He came for the purpose of dying - willingly giving up his life - as payment for our sin. You know, sin, that stuff that is contrary to God's ways. We all have it in one form or another.  Your job it to face it, just like you face sadness - then make your choice. Make the choice that actually means something joyful for eternity. There is only one way.    

Yes - and Roger is doing the REAL living this Christmas - and I'm pretty sure he would not willingly come back to this old earth even if he could.  Real joy - yes, that is Christmas. Real joy, because of Christ!

Now I will take photos of all of this crazy decorating!

Never an X

 It's Christmas and I have almost missed the recollections of Christmases past. Or perhaps, I have been stuck in those recollections. 

Some days it has been really hard to get moving and face the day. EVERYTHING around me reminds me of Roger. 

I know that I'm not alone in this and because of this, I know that even though Christmas will be different this year, so much of it will be the same.  But, on a daily basis, wow....step by step. A journey.


Last year, Christmas season 2013, we had a ball at the Disney Parks. We tried to hit all of the hotels and count all of the hidden Mickeys. Roger, never the fan of photos, humored us more than he ever had. He even relaxed and smiled for the little birdie very often!  ("Don't bite your lip, RoRo")
He always got so still and serious when the camera pointed toward him - it is like he was camera-trained a half century ago! Or like in those historical sepia prints. 

Roger loved Christmas time more than anyone I think I have ever known.  Of course, on his end, he kept things simple - practical gift cards, one box to open, each.   Polar opposite of yours truly, who grew up with tons of boxes and bows - not necessarily expensive stuff, but oh, so much fun to unwrap! A little is never enough when it comes to sparkles and embellishment - visual image, you know! 

Daddy (my daddy) loved the room full of gifts. I guess when you grow up in a family of 13 children, even with one gift each, you have a lot of boxes. With four children of his own, he liked to keep up that visual image, I guess.   He always taught us that the gifts were like blessings or gifts from God. You don't know what is in it until you accept it and actively participate by opening it.  Some gifts are a surprise, some are practical, but you are not really deserving of any of them. You don't get them because you are good, you get them because you are loved. I realize how much I have experienced that lesson, day by day, this past year.  Actively participate, would be the key word here. 

I'm not sure I ever looked at it from that perspective before, but the lesson stuck.  I kind of followed that tradition. I like boxes and mostly, I like embellishment.  I love that expectation of what could be inside - just a surprise, or something practical?  I love that each gift is prepared and presented with love, above all.  

Roger was a far more minimalist person that I can ever hope to be. He liked for people to be happy and as adults, liked for them to make decisions about what made them happy.  His approach was that you gift because you love, but that one was enough. Why, because it reminds us that only one gift is the important one that we can receive, only we have to choose to accept it. His one wrapped gift was symbolic of the gift that God gave to each of us and the reason we celebrate Christmas in the first place. 

He also believed that no one was responsible for your happiness except you - it is your choice, your decision to be happy - or not. Thus the gift card, I suppose. I never really connected those dots, until now. 

Actually, Roger could go into great detail about the history of Christmas, the pagan traditions, the celebrations from around the world, yet would always remind us that it is a marker on the timeline of history that we call Christmas-and it is there for a reason.  It could be called anything, but it is called Christmas because CHRIST is central to all of it. It is a marker in history when the world was changed. A child was sent to earth from Heaven - to grow up and live as man. He arrived on the earthly scene to show us how to live now, so that we could better appreciate how we can live for eternity.  It is one of only two truly important markers on that historical time line. 

He lived it - preached it with his life, but did not bombard people, nor make them feel bad if they did not agree with him or have differing beliefs. He really believed that only God could convict any man, woman or child of their need for Him and the salvation He offered.  

So often, when crazy things happened in the news, or even in life  - he would so simply point out that people become so 'anti-Christmas' (as in Happy Holidays, removing Nativity scenes, etc) - because they are under conviction and don't want to deal with it. People do that all the time, he would share, because they are essentially running from God because the ways of man seem to be more important than the ways of God.  And it always made him sad.

I really loved listening to Roger put so much of history into perspective. If he had not chosen the fire service as a career, he would have made an outstanding professor of history! I had benefit of enjoying both! 

And so....those gifts. He loved getting his grandchildren just what they wanted. Legos were the go-to item for Jacob for as long as I can remember. These days he is quite the robotic guy. Roger would have loved watching him create those mechanical wonders this year. 

Last Christmas Emily told him that she wanted a light blue dress. When he told me, as we were headed out shopping, I recall saying 'WHAT? Where in the world are we going to find a light blue dress AT CHRISTMAS TIME?"

Oh, but he would have gone to the ends of the earth to find it.  And find it, we did! When he saw that dress from across the store, he said "THAT'S IT!"   He took off quickly to get her size - and I am SO THANKFUL that I talked him into getting one that 'fit now' as opposed to one she had to grow into!  He had this thing for frilly dresses for little girls. 
He bought them for Kristin and Karin, and now Emily.  Always his pick! 

I find it really interesting that this photo is so blurry. Almost like a memory. It is the only one we have of the moment and it is actually surprising that I did not delete it when I found it blurry - last Christmas! 

And yet, God, who orders my steps, allowed me to stumble across this digital image at the time I needed it most. 

It reminds me that Roger is still here, even if only in our memories. Yet, he is as real and as present as I can even imagine.  Maybe that is symbolic of the way that Christ may not be here in person, but I feel his presence daily. 

Seeing this little girl and recalling that fully embellished gift that she so enjoyed opening - and the thrill of finding just what she wanted, more beautiful than she imagined - will always remind me that he was still teaching about the joy he had in watching her joy.  And that is how God feels when we accept his Gift of Christ.  Ecstatic, I would imagine! 

Roger's Lesson:   Have fun at Christmas and enjoy the sights and the lights, and all of your 'embellishments" - and don't stop doing that. Mostly though, remember family and friends and those you love and who need love. And always remember that Christmas never was about the STUFF - it is about the love that God showed to each of us so long ago, and still today, when He gave HIS SON to us, on earth - to show us the way to live - for now and for eternity. Christmas is about CHRIST - no matter how anyone tries to tell you differently. And Jesus, the CHRIST, came on the scene for you. 

Yes, indeed. So we will not allow this special time of year pass us by, even without Roger's presence. We will remember that he was one of God's most special gifts to us, and be thankful for the days that we had him.  

And we won't take shortcuts, using an X and leaving Christ out of it all. Christ - central to the celebration. 

And I am sure that we will be thinking of one amazing celebration taking place in Heaven this year! 

Sweet - for Eternity!

It is just not Thanksgiving without pie. Norman Rockwell says so. Well, at least that was a part of the American tradition that he illustrated so well.

These days we seem to run to the store for things like pie. Mrs. Smith and Marie Callander have made it so very easy for us. And the pies taste great too. They probably have enough preservatives in them to make us last a long time too.

Every once in a while we decide to slow down, and Thanksgiving is one of those times when Karin gets the cooking bug. I personally think she can channel Martha Stewart if she wants to, but being ever so practical, she lets others have the fun if they are so inclined.  Ah - that's what I need, a Martha Stewart kitchen!

Roger loved family times and I think he loved it even more when it involved home baked goods.

I always got a good laugh at these baking times. Roger was famous for saying...."oh, I do NOT like sugar!"   Right.   How many people who knew Roger Tome would say that he did not like sugar?

What he actually meant was...I do not like to add sugar to what has already been prepared for me.  That might be, ice cream, cake, pie, coffee......peanut butter cups.....

Get the idea?

I never, ever, saw him turn down something that had sugar already hidden within it's recipe.   Occasionally, however, he would say that something was too sweet. Like Pecan Pie - my  personal favorite, sweet as it might be!

So we gathered at the Thanksgiving table this year and we really missed Roger. Emily created a beautiful floral centerpiece, with great thanks to the neighbors who grow amazing flowers in their landscapes. She arranged it just perfectly - a little Martha Stewart in the making!

I can still see Nani's pilgrims on the table. Mr. Pilgrim has lost the top of his musket, but that does not matter. It is a good place for a flower. You don't have to toss something because it might be slightly broken. You just add something beautiful to it.

So, in a way, our lives are broken this Thanksgiving. They are a little sadder because someone very special is missing. Roger was the only one who needed a coffee pot running all day, every day. He was the only one who would at least try every new dish on the table - although we tend to be a family that has personal favorites at Thanksgiving. I think Jim is the adventurous one.  I'm glad he did the TurDuckIn last year so that Roger could experience it.

But all in all, everything was lovely and we laughed a lot. And we ate much more than we should have...and though he did not get any, Roger would have been all about Jessica's Creme Brûlée  -  even when she pulled out the torch!

Roger's Lesson:
Keep on loving one another and spending those special times together. They mean more than anything that money can buy.

We are fortunate that our family does not really fight or disagree about too much, or very often at all. Maybe the trials of this lifetime have taught us that there are some things that are so much more important than the silly things of life - that cause disagreements and heartaches.   Maybe we have just learned that some things are important for eternity, and some just are not.

And Roger would say that FAMILY is important and that God put that unique combination together for a reason.

And best of all, the thought of being together in the Family of God - for eternity - tops anything that life can dish out.

We miss you Roger - always will - but just knowing we will all be together again.....Thank you Jesus, that you made that possible.....

For Eternity! 

First Responders

Days of our Lives.....not the soap opera, but rather, this blog. It was meant to be a journal of this new journey of ours. This journey, where life as we knew it came to a screeching halt back in February.

And then this season of one holiday after another hit me. Bam. Roger loved holidays - any holiday. He especially loved it if it meant a special meal or some kind of grand treat.

Though I have never been a big one for the Halloween craziness, other than enjoying a typically full moon that time of year, Roger counted it as his October calendar date to stock up on his favorite candies. Chocolate - or peanut butter and chocolate. Protien, you know.

It seems that the holiday goes on forever sometimes. For the town party and costume parade, Emily put on her bunker coat. We discovered that she had grown a bit and now had high-water bunker pants.  Jacob dressed as the infamous.....Jacob.  (I call him yah-kob ....the infamous Hebrew)    And of course, every good firefighter needs a good fire dog.  OK, greyhounds are notoriously scared of very loud sounds and things startling them, but Iron was a good sport.

Kristin gets seriously into the action and likes to them their family adventures. The plan was for everyone to be first responders. October 2014 brought the big EBOLA scare to the world, so......Kristin and Jim were first responders on the Ebola front. Emily stuck with her 'mini-me' plan - little Ro-Ro and Jacob had planned to wear a bunker coat with Iron in one of Roger's tee shirts....with the fire dept logo, of course...and maybe some white powder and black spots.

Florida's October brought an unseasonable heat wave so there was no way that Jacob was going to suffer heat stroke and miss out on candy.  He decided that one thing that first responders like to do is eat and the other is that they work hard, sweat a lot, and have to keep their potassium balanced. This called for him to become a banana. (Potassium) and for Iron to turn into a hot dog.
Keep that dog away from the grill!


Like we always seem to do, we made it through another holiday. When we stop to think about the fun Roger brought to any celebration, it makes it hard to sit and mope around ....even though we still miss him terribly

Roger's Lesson:
Life is not always fun and games. If you don't enjoy the fun times, though, you will forget what fun looks like when you face the hard times.  Hang in there with family and anything you do will be fun.

Yes....that is definitely the way he lived.
And I'm sure he would be thrilled that I bought out the peanut butter cups in his memory.  And I don't even like peanut butter....or chocolate!

He liked them cold and crunchy!

And after all, first responders have to keep up their energy.

12-13-14

All in all it was a really sweet day. Breakfast at Dixie Cream, pedicures, perfectly practical presents.... Actually we dragged this birthday out for a couple of days. That's the way we do it - any time we can.

But, it wasn't the same. The week was so busy that we never had Daddy's famous steak and mashed potatoes.  Sometimes I wonder if it was that squeezing around my heart that kept me from it.

Karin was daddy's girl for sure! They had quite the bond and the older they got, the more alike they were in so many ways.

Well, except for fire. She never liked it. At. All.   He had respect, but not fear of it. He could tame it, bring it under control.

I think one of her peaceful places is his swing. It was his peaceful place.

Children are such a blessing. You love them so much, yet you also can love each differently. It is so remarkable the way each child is a unique blend of the parents. When Karin and I would 'butt heads" it was generally over the way we organized things, each of us OCD in a unique way. If Karin and Roger ever butted heads, it was because he woke up with his feet hitting the floor, lights on, action all around him.  She and I like it quiet until about 10 AM.  Soft awakening, we call it.

But, that was about it with butting heads. She and Roger were alike in so many ways. Practically perfect in almost every way, so to speak.

I'm sure this day was particularly hard for her.  He was one of her very best friends, her protector, her provider of wise advice. And they loved sharing their coffee together!

And though in the early days of our lives together, he felt that being an 'only child' was practically perfection and would have been perfectly satisfied with only one child. Ah....then Karin arrived and he learned what perfection for him was really all about.  Sisters who love each other deeply and are best friends in the very best way....he could never have asked for more.   Daughters who loved spending time with him anytime, anywhere.  What a life! What a blessing!

I realized today that it is 12-13-14. For 'numbers people' those things are fun. Fun, because they don't roll around so often. There will never be another in our lifetime.  Lucky Friday the 13th, is what we always called Karin's birthday.

I'm not sure we can call 12-13-14 a lucky day, but for sure, we can call it a unique one. Unique because there won't be another. She will never have to face another 'first' birthday without her daddy here with us - but hopefully can remember that we carried on his tradition of making any day that is a special day, special forever.

Thank you Lord, for the blessing of Karin. Forever young. Forever joyful. Forever trusting you for what is best and wonderful in her life. Even if we still can't understand it.

Roger's Lesson:  I bet he is wondering how I am going to ever pull of steak and mashed potatoes. (AKA, a little potato with your butter).....but I know we were remembered....we got a shield penny with our Panera soup!  He would tell us to keep making special days special!

Special forever. Just like him. Just like her.  Just like 12-13-14