You would definitely have to know what you are looking at to know what this image is. Hint. A bone. I got that much from anatomy class - or maybe from drawing skeletons for art classes.
Beyond that, it is going to have to take a pretty well trained eye to see where the fracture is and if it is healed. Grey, white, black ....I know they all mean something on these many x-ray films in my packet, but I don't know what!
And spots...they should be looking for spots, or hopefully, healed over spots that they called lesions in Janary. The bone cancer.
Oh how I appreciate the prayers that have gone into this healing. Prayers not only for the treatments to be effective in healing these cancerous lesions on my bones but also for me to re-focus on the things that are really important in life.
I always think I have a grip on that, but oh how easily I slip back into that world of organizing and projects and picking up and going and doing....instead of being still and listening....hearing.
The other battle is the fluid. That is the scary one for me for the most ridiculous of reasons. I have actually been able to feel the drying effect as my body has begun restoring my lymphatic system to its normal, not quite normal state. The overload of fluid that my body was producing (toxins, dead cells being cast off, etc) seems to have been normalized enough to not be pushing it into the pleural cavity.
Imagine - prior to January, I'm not sure I even knew what a pleural cavity was! I knew pleurisy from reading it in a novel once upon a time, but that was my limit! Now my little catheter tubes have almost become a part of me.
One thing these little tubes have done is make me go back and remember those days when I had little fingers and toes growing inside of me - and at times prying my ribs apart. Moms know the feeling, right? You could eventually move those little digits around, but not these tubes! So, breathing deeply hurts, but there are worse hurts in the world.
For some reason I have been so very apprehensive about this upcoming surgery, even though it is outpatient. I have not turned on the news or had any celebrity disasters entering my airwaves, but still...I know it is a control thing. I just know it. I do not like and never have liked the idea of being 'put under' and trusting my life to someone I don't even know.
I know that in the morning I will quiz everyone I meet about their OCD levels. I will hopefully encourage and inspire them and thank them for coming to work prepared and alert. I will have my girls at my side for as long as I am allowed. But then...they will wheel me away.
I am praying that my body has not created an abundance of scar tissue during these months, and that the surgeon will be super gentle while pulling those things out of this aging body. I am praying for a wee tiny hole on each side, near my lungs, but not touching them.
I am also praying that as they do tests, that if anything new has arisen, even though we are praying against it, that it will be revealed in an early stage.
And I am praying that I will be calm and peaceful, which I really try to be, because ultimately, my life is in God's hands, and the surgeon's should be also.....so I am definitely praying for that! (And the anesthesiologist!)
So why so antsy still? I don't know! The girls told me tonight that I was not like this in January. Reflecting back, with double malignancies on my record, I suppose I had gathered that it was only a matter of time til I departed, so now was as good and later. (January)
Today, I feel a lot better and really do desire to hang in here until the Rapture, so maybe that is my hangup. Oh. My. Goodness. Crazy Lady!
And it is always that control thing. Focus! God numbers your days. Man might be involved at times, but ultimately, God's got the plan!
Roger's Lesson: These people who are taking care of you are as passionate about what they do as you ever were about teaching art or creating stage sets or travel. Ask God to lead them and then leave them alone.
I know what he would be telling me! - "So let them do what they know to do and you just use your energies resting in the Lord. Sleep lightly and wake up quickly, unlike your typical style of sleep."
As I am proofing and finishing up this entry, I find myself laughing at how ridiculous it is that I have let myself get rather distressed about this whole thing. I know without a doubt that God allowed me these three extra weeks for side #2 to dry up so that I could get good and ready to have these tubes OUT.
All the while, I am really thankful for the wisdom of my kiddos, who suggested that I might not want to get one tube out and then go back for a second surgery only two to three weeks later. They might have been saving themselves the stress - but I know they saved it for me. Wise decision to wait.
Now, I must let my mind rest so I am ready for a great big, beautiful tomorrow! God has something wonderful for us each and every day - so Tuesday Morning - I'll be waiting for you at 6:30 .....
Let's do this!
And 7 am - 9 am on Tuesday, May 26....I'm still happy to accept all prayers being offered for the old gal - for clean and precise removal and a quick wake up - with no drama.
God's got a lot going on this side of Heaven, and I really would like to be in on it!
Blessings!
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