Pull Over

Why so rushed? When the sirens wail, it is actually the law for drivers to pull over and allow an emergency vehicle to pass. So many people don't. I just don't understand it. 

The temptation is always great to follow the engine and see what is going on - but I learned long long ago not to be so nosey. "People that do that just get in the way of what emergency personnel have to do."  Guess who said that! 

"If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem."   - Oh the little quotes Roger could insert at just the appropriate time. 

I did not follow the engine, but I did pull over.  One car passed me and looked over like I was crazy, but the next one pulled over.  I wonder how many accidents happen because people are hurrying around. 

Roger could sit in his chair, or out in the swing, and hear sirens and tell us exactly what vehicle was heading down the road. (Police Car, Engine, Bone Box......) 

Sirens are one of the things in life that always have caught my attention. Sometimes I am not even aware that I heard one, yet I can stop randomly, and I know I did.  Many years ago I began to stop a moment and pray when I heard a siren. It may be a simple thing, but I would always just stop and ask God to give comfort and assistance to those involved in the emergency situation. I always pray that someone will come into their lives to point them to Him as well. You never know the need, but God does. 

Even that day on Feb 10, I can still feel and see it as clearly as if it had just happened. I was looking out the window, thinking how beautiful the day was. I heard the siren and remember thanking God for His goodness in our lives and asking Him to provide what was needed to those involved in the emergency.  There is no way at that moment that I knew that I was praying for us. 

Only moments later the phone rang and life changed ....forever. 

Glimpses of that day come back to me from time to time. I am certain that only as time passes will God reveal it all to me. A little at a time is all I can take anyway. 

Roger's Lesson:  "There are people who know what to do in emergency situations........and you are not it." 

He would say it while chuckling, of course.  He knew me well. Nancy nurse, I am not. 

He also knew that I prayed when I heard sirens and he would tell me that I did the right thing and that I should keep doing it. He would tell me that praying for those in that emergency situation is the kind of "solution" that is needed - not my ability to be 'physically' on the scene.  

I may only ever be able to point people toward help, and I am so thankful for people who have that special calling as first responders, nurses, and all who are ready to answer the call in an emergency. What a gift. 

God answered that prayer that day. He provided someone the very second Roger was in trouble and kept sending people who could help. And they never stopped. 

Never in a million years did I ever think that pulling over for an emergency vehicle would hit so close to home. Never did I think that I would just be hoping and praying that no one stood in the way of Engine 39 and it's Rescue Vehicle when it left First and Main that day. 

You never know what is going on when those sirens sound. But God does. And He is always there to help. What a blessing to be a part of "calling in the troops' when they were greatly needed.  I just know that the actions that took place that day were a blessing and reward for all those calls and whispered prayers over the years.  It is so powerful, this thing called prayer.  How does anyone live without a relationship with the Living God in Heaven?

This, I do not know. 

Exit - Stage Left

It was powerful. It always is.

I've lost count of how many times I have seen the theatre production of Les Miserables.   It is by far my favorite Broadway production.

There are many things in life that I can call 'a God thing." Most of the time it is about timing. It is something that takes place, or where things fall into place, when it is without my own intervention or plan. And it is the right thing. I think that when you try to live life giving God the space to call the shots, interesting things can happen along the way.

It has been an interesting week and I really needed something different. I had been around the energy of young people - it invigorates me for sure. Conversations, a sell-out, cancelled tickets, opportunity.  Right place at the right time? I don't know. I do know that God knew what I needed and He provided in a most remarkable way.

I love my theater people. Roger did not like 'assembly buildings' as he called them. He did not mind being there, he did mind being trapped in a seat and not near an exit door. Many times I wish that I had understood earlier the 'why' of it all - it was not about the shows at all. It was about being available should there be an emergency need. I did remember to notice the exit signs in the theatre. I can't say that even once I looked around to see if there was a need. Remarkable. Yes, he was.

We have great theatre productions in Orlando. This one at the Orlando Shakespeare Theatre was outstanding. I love the intimate size of the theatre - you are face to face with the actors. Yes, Les Miserables is about revolution (as in The French) and love (all kinds) but it captivates me because it is also about the enduring struggle and hope within the human spirit. It is an amazing story of a man's redemption and what it looks like to repent - turn, and go in a different direction, and even the struggle in doing so when life can treat you so unfairly.

The end of the show pretty much got to me this time. Of course there are lots of people dying in this show. From the start, actually, and then in the revolution battle, and finally...at the end when the lead character Valjean is dying....oh boy, there go those tears again. The process, the begging 'noooo!'  the grief and sadness. I had not ever quite felt that emotion before, or at least not in such an intense way.
And there was no way to escape - to leave - I was in the center of a row, not near an aisle. I had to push through.

But when you push through - and so often people give up before pushing through - but when you do, there is this remarkable joy. Not without sadness, to be sure, but still a joy. The way they presented Heaven was so touching. The characters were wearing similar clothing as when they were 'in the world' but it was white. Valjean's hair had changed and his shirt was a brilliant white. The tone of their voices changed. It was the same song that they sang during the 'revolution' battle - with a fierceness and determination, loud, strong, bold. But in the finale - different.

They were pleading. They were asking the audience to please join them, and if you were spiritually sensitive at all, you just knew that they were talking about the world as being about flesh and blood, but the real battle was the battle for your soul. Who would win? The powers of darkness? The One who offered redemption?

And in those moments I became very thankful, once again, that Roger made that choice while he walked in this world and I know that he is whole and free, truly free, in Heaven right now.

Roger's Lesson: When it comes to theatre, that is hard for me to figure out. But when it comes to assembly buildings - I can just bet that he would say, "Don't get trapped. Find the exit sign and follow the path to freedom."

And yes, he would also mean that there is a way of escape from the sadness and pain and hurt and discouragement in this world and you can choose it early in life or you can choose it late, but oh, by all means choose it! Jesus offers the only real way of escape, the only 'real' way to live.

Yes, Valjean was a good man with a good heart, as a young man. He stole a piece of bread, not for himself but for another and paid the price of chains and hard labor for almost two decades. Even after serving and deserving his freedom, Javert (police officer) chased him relentlessly simply because he, Javert, did not believe a man could truly change.   Enter the Bishop, who pointed Valjean to God and challenged him to live as an honest man, which he set out to do.  Through the chase and the ups and downs of life, he held true to his new faith, yet never really seemed to have confidence in the fact that it was for real and forever. (The sadness of feeling like working your way to salvation/redemption is necessary, rather than accepting Christ's free gift - no strings attached.)

Yet, in the end, he found the true peace he was always searching for - he finally realized that no one could take it away. And it was on his deathbed.

Oh how much we miss by not keeping the simple gift of salvation ...just simple. As humans we complicate it so very much.

Yes, many tears and yet a very good day. Tears of joy for the years of love I experienced with Roger, and for the knowledge that I will see him again. And tears of joy for the goodness that God has placed in my life, and still does - even through the hard times.

But with it all, there are tears of sadness for those I knew who are still searching, who still don't seem to have that assurance that God's offer of salvation / redemption is real - or that they don't even need it, or that they don't deserve it.  None of us deserve it. All of us need it.

So powerful - now to pick up that book again - Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. 
Don't wait too late to find love and give love - and know that the only true love is Christ's love. He is the only one who truly has the power to change a life. 

Want more?  

The lyrics of the finale are quite powerful when you read them with eternity in mind.

Listen, start at 3:15 but skip the images, just listen

(The process of dying-Fontaine calling Valjean from heaven - representative of 'St Peter" I suppose)
Come with me, the chains will never bind you
All your grief at last, at last behind you
Lord in Heaven, look down on him in mercy
    *Forgive me all my trespasses and lead me to your glory
Take my hand, I'll lead you to salvation
Take my love, for love is everlasting
And remember the truth that once was spoken
That to love another person is to see the face of God

(By now Vajean has died and 'the saints' are meeting him and joining in song - the tone is pleading toward those still in the world"

Do you hear the people sing
Lost in the valley of the night?
It is the music of a people
who are climbing to the light.

For the wretched of the earth
There is a flame that never dies
Even the darkest night will end
And the sun will rise.

They will live again in freedom
In the garden of the Lord
They will walk behind the plough-share
They will put away the sword

The chain will be broken
And all men will have their reward!

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
when tomorrow comes!

I should have introduced Roger to ushering! He could have stood by the door that way and still enjoyed the show!  Wish there were do-overs! 

Side Splitter

Most of us really do like to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. Roger was one of those people whose body clock allowed him to stay up all night. Most of us can't do that.

Roger also had a crazy sense of humor. Karin got it. She keeps me laughing because her outlook on life just catches things that most of us would call the absurd. ... and we would miss it anyway. She never misses the absurd. 

I think her comment about the mystery numbers that continually called her phone in the wee hours went something like this  ... "there is not enough coffee in the world for this nonsense" --- she had more to say that was humorous to me, but likely not so much so to her.

This made me recall one of the craziest of Roger's stories. It had to do with an insurance salesman who hounded him constantly. It seems like he told me that the guy would show up at the fire house and call him at home and track him down on his off-days. He was a relentless salesman and Roger could not seem to lose him. Roger was always nice to these guys, but one day the guy made the mistake of giving Roger his card and saying "now you feel free to call me anytime you want to talk about insurance."  Innocent enough, right?

So one night when he was on shift in downtown Orlando -  either the main station or Parramore - they had a call and got in during those wee hours.  I would imagine that it is hard for a firefighter to decompress and go right back to sleep after a big call, so evidently the guys were sitting around drinking coffee and rambling on about stuff.  Somehow the insurance guy's name surfaced and so did his card - with the phone number on it.   Now this was back in the day - the 1960's when the phone was generally on a table in the front room of the house - not like a cell phone, next to the bed.   And Roger was still a kid in his 20's not like the mature man he was at 30 (40, 50, 60, 70.....um, not always!) 

So - 3:30 or so - Roger decides that he had time to talk about insurance, and after all 'the guy said anytime' ......  ah, you figured it out! Indeed, Roger made that call. And on the other end of the line, that phone was ringing on a table in the front room in a dark house, quite possibly with cold terrazzo floors, and possibly with babies sleeping down the hall -- and with a wife who needed her beauty sleep. ......

It gets better. 

Those of us who heard that story can still see him - shoulders shaking, big ole belly laugh, cracking up as he recalls it for us.  Laughing so hard as he tried his best to imitate the salesman - 'who is this?" "You want WHAT?" You want to talk about insurance...NOW?" 

Roger saying, "well, you said anytime and I just got in from a big call and I am thinking about life insurance right now, so I thought I would give you a call"  

Insurance guy, "Do you have any idea what time it is?!!!!"

By now Roger was almost in tears as he changed from irate voice to slow, serious voice...and cracking up, laughing, wiping tears from his eyes....

Roger, " Oh, I don't know, I'm at work and we just came in from a call....... but I was thinking about insurance and you said to give you a ring when I had time to talk, and I have time now...."

And then imitating the wife.....

Insurance guys' wife :  "Who is that, what is wrong, what do they want, is everything ok, why are you talking about insurance at 3 in the morning...yak yak yak....."

And Roger, cracking up but trying again to sound so very serious and ask insurance questions.

And then the guys says - DON'T CALL ME AGAIN!

And Roger did not. 
And the guy never came back in the daytime either.

Roger's Lesson:  Hey, some people take things literally - you better be careful what you say! He said "call me ANYTIME!" So I did!  And I was very polite too.  

I guess he got his point across in a very humorous way. 

Reading the story is not nearly as funny, but the memory - classic. 
Sometimes Roger would tell stories so many times that I would start thinking , oh no, again.....
But I always ended up laughing.....

You could not help but laugh when his shoulders started shaking.  
Boy....I'd love to hear any of those stories just one more time!  

So, I guess today's joy is that joy that I still get when I think of Roger telling stories! My sides are even starting to hurt - just like they do when I read some of Karin's posts. Yep, she is her daddy's daughter for sure! So........like him in so many wonderful ways!  Thanks, Karin! 

Always

Sure, sometimes it can seem elusive. Sometimes there are days when I just don't want to think, ore even do much of any thing. Sometimes I just enjoy the quiet and nothingness. 

Maybe enjoy is not the right word. 

If there are days when I feel down, ultimately, it is my own choice. I can choose to be down and grumpy - or I can choose to find joy in whatever passes my way.  Joy is harder sometimes. 

There was a time, back when the girls were little, when the trendy phrase was J.O.Y.   Roger liked it.  Jesus. Others. You.   Put things in that order as you pass through this earthly journey.  It is a simple little word, yet when put into practice, it changes things.

I'd say that 99.99 percent of the time I am not down in the dumps or gloomy. Over-tired at times, but I bring that on myself - but not really "un-joyful."   I rather think that joy is a lifestyle. I like to find joy in the simplest of things.  When I do that, I absolutely see God in everything! 

One of Roger's (MANY) nicknames was Jolly Roger - and I don't think it had anything to do with pirates. Jolly is an old fashioned word for happy - really happy. And he was, pretty much most of the time. 

One thing that people consistently tell me about him is that he always made them feel better - happier - joyful, even.  He lived it out. He definitely had a servant's heart and put the needs of others before his own most of the time.  And he was a petty happy person for all of the days of his life!

Roger's Lesson:  Don't do it backwards - Y-O-J ....it is not only hard to say, but when you put Y (yourself) first, it just complicates everything else in your life.

I think he pretty much nailed that one. 

I was thinking about the 'days of joy' going around Facebook. I enjoy reading the posts and each one makes me think of how blessed I am because those joy posts are also my joy posts.  Where do you start, and how do you put joyful things in order of importance - or value. I don't think you can.  I do think that if you face life being always aware of "the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living" - then life is joyful - in so many ways. 

And even when the days are quiet, and alone time is needed, it can still be joyful. Because joy is a choice and it is not dependent upon anyone but your own little self. And I am so thankful that because Jesus is central to my life, that joy is never ending. 

Regardless of whom  I am missing. 

Go Ahead and Fly!

I remember when the girls were little and Roger would toss them in the air. They would squeal with delight - the freedom of flight, he called it. They could do this because he never missed. They never fell. Not once. His strong arms were always there to catch them. A little toss at first, then gradually they wanted more and more - especially in the pool! I can still hear the squeals of delight. 

He did not like for me to toss them in the air though...not strong enough...they might be heavier than I expected.  But I never would have played "toss" without knowing that I could catch them.  We played 'airplane" - closer to the ground, but both games still required faith. 

That's one of the great things about children. They are so trusting, until life teaches them not to be. It is much harder as an adult to be completely trusting.  Roger loved teaching children. He had so much fun with his Bible Question of the Week - his way of getting them to think about the Bible all week long. Ok - candy was involved, but they rushed back in the Sunday School door  to see who could be first with the answer! He stuck with it too, even when the joy of teaching had left me due to changes in our lives and probably from becoming overextended as well.  I was guilty of hitting that wall where those with a high calling had disappointed us and disillusionment tried to take hold. Roger stood strong. It was one of those times, when his faith kept me going. 

I heard a song this afternoon that I had not heard for years, maybe even decades. We used to sing it all the time when the girls were little, so when the melody came on, I immediately knew the lyrics. Memory - intact! 

Back in the day, when we first started teaching the girls about God and Jesus and faith, this song had a different meaning. It was about the future and how you can always trust Jesus. It spoke to that childlike faith. 

Wow...such a simple thing, right? Child-like faith.

Years pass and God allows opportunities to test that faith. If you are lucky, it is in small ways - well, small ways that seem like big ways along the way, but in hind-sight, small ways.  
Then BAM
Something really big - your world is shaken and changed within moments.

God has been good these past months. Perhaps because of times of testing through the years, it
has not been as hard to trust that God has things under control - most of the time it is not hard, at least. 

Roger's Lesson:  I always told you that faith works.  We sang this song a lot. It still means the same thing. You just see it in a deeper way now. 

I know - and it does have a much deeper and richer meaning these days.

That's What Faith Must Be 
Michael Card

To hear with my heart , to see with my soul
To be guided by a hand I cannot hold
To trust in a way that I cannot see
That's what faith must be.

When the universe fell from His fingertips
He decided He wanted some fellowship
But the man and the woman would not submit
So He made a better way

When the moment was right He sent His own Son
And He opened the way so that everyone
Could have hope and believe that when time was done
He'd be able to make us one

Now I understand that there is a key
It's Jesus in me, a reality
That God is in Christ and that Christ's in me
That with faith I see what is unseen

To hear with my heart , to see with my soul
To be guided by a hand I cannot hold
To trust in a way that I cannot see
That's what faith must be.

When time was done....Roger's time....my time....your time.  Individual decisions, but He made a way.  Wow - profound, and so much more meaningful today. 

That's What Faith Must Be by Michael Card

Here's the link in case you have forgotten the song. Just don't forget the message.
Click the X and the ad will go away.

Crock-OH-Deal!

The funny things you see on FB these days. This was a news story from Africa. Evidently villagers had been disappearing with great frequency. They soon realized that people were not the top of the food chain and called in the military for assistance.  This was the varmint that they killed - and the disappearing of humans ended. 

This reminds me of a story Roger loved to tell about one of his trips to Africa. I am thinking it was when they went to Senegal to support the STS (Space Shuttle) missions.  

He said that they would take side trips into the neighboring countries like Mali and Ghana and visit the local villages.

I remember this one trip when he had a new T shirt that he insisted on taking with him. It must have been football season.  I also wish I had a photo of him in the tee shirt because it was funny.

Imagine a dark red tee shirt and on the front is this green gator. It did look strangely like the Florida Gator Mascot.  The gator was horizontal, as gators tend to be and there was this gigantic bulldog sitting on top of the gator, pulling it's tail and mouth, if I recall.  (Think about the Georgia Bulldog mascot and that would be the look of the bulldog.)

Apparently he wore the shirt on the trip to visit one of the villages and the villagers would not let him enter the village. When the translator explained it to him - it came across as 'no dog can beat up a crock-oh-deal" - and they thought he was a crazy-man. 

I know some UF fans that might agree! 

I also wish I knew what firefighters were on that trip with him and what their interpretation of the day was. Roger always had great stories - but he was also a fisherman, and we all know what fishermen do to tall tales!  We loved that story for years though, and I am glad this photo made me recall it! 

And ....given what the villagers must live with, it is no wonder they thought he was a crazy man and made him take off the shirt before entering their village! 

Roger's Lesson:   Never be afraid to be yourself, but always be prepared to learn something new.   Laugh and the outcome will be much better. 

I am glad he was not in the kind of village where they would have put him in a big black kettle and added vegetables! 

Oh Roger.....thank you for all of the years of laughter! 

Some days, when I really need the laugher, it is not hard to find it when I think of "Roger Stories."
Truly - Laughter doeth Good, Like a Medicine.  .....  God's medicine is always best! 

2nd Place WOW!

Today I am appreciating a special young man. He makes me think so much about Roger. I don't know if they had these Firefighter Challenges back in the day (52 years ago) when Roger first started on the Fire Department. 

I do know that Roger had fitness tests to do every year in order to remain qualified to fight fires and save lives. He did things like 'dragging a dummy' and 'pulling a hose line' and something like moving a log so many feet. I never saw it in action but he told me about it often. Every year he was 'pretty sure' he could pass - yet always seemed to have hesitation.  But, he always ended up satisfied with his time and results. 

He used to keep us laughing too when he would talk about sitting around the firehouse eating donuts.  I don't imagine there was all that much sitting although I am pretty sure there was always something good happening in the kitchen. 

"I'm just a flunky fireman" he would say. That was back in the day before he became a 'firefighter' - you know, generic.  I think he stated it that way so that no one else would want the job. It protected what he liked to do! He had such a funny sense of humor! And we loved his stories! 

I remember him telling me about when different firefighters from KSC would do this challenge and he was always behind them.  He would have been so proud of Ryan and all of the effort it took to prepare himself physically and mentally to do this. Ryan did not work at KSC, but he was certainly one of Roger's favorite young firefighters. He always saw such a passion and determination in him - along with real compassion. Yep - he would have been proud! 

This makes me think about the kids we encounter along life's journey. We are not just here for ourselves. Sometimes we don't even know why God does things like lead us to teach a Sunday School class of little kids - even after ours were much older.  Or to plan things for high school kids when you are getting to be an old granny.  It is not ours to wonder why we are doing it, I suppose, but to just do it because God is doing the leading.  And so often, it is  not even the lives that you touch - learning about it because people tell you - but it is the real blessing you get because these young people touch your own life in quite remarkable ways. 

I experience this all the time and I know that Roger did too. 

Roger's Lesson:  Invest. Invest in others in one way or another. Do what God leads you to do and really care about those in your presence. God orders the steps of man - and you get a lot out of it too, if you are letting Him do the organizing. 

Yes - sometimes I try to do too much organizing, and the older I get, the more I realize that if I will invest in the kids and the praying, God will order our steps and lead us where we need to go and let us learn what we need to learn. 

Because it is not about me, or them. It is about Him.

I'm thankful and so blessed that Ryan was one of those little kiddies. 

Congratulations Ryan for placing 2nd! Great achievement! 

Certainly we do not know whether Roger can really 
'look down from Heaven' and see you - the Bible does not address that with any specifics. But we do know that if it is possible - he was and he was cheering you on. 

And you'll always be one of my favorite young firefighters! 

Strong Tower

We are likely all thinking about "9-11" today. There are those moments in life when you just stop and recall where you were and what you were doing at the moment of this 'significant' occurrence.  For those of us who are older, it might be those big national events like the JFK Assasination, Challenger and Columbia explosions, and yes, the twin towers attack (9-11)

These are moments that shake the center of your universe and make you wonder about life and your significance. These are moments when time sort of stands still. These are National moments - in a country we love. 

I was in the middle of an art class on 9-11, when the Superintendent came in and told us what happened. Back in the day, we did not have Apple TV in those TMA classrooms. We had clunky computers and the students were generally the only ones who could figure out how to get to the internet and a news channel. That sounds very weird in itself.  And so we watched, in horror. We prayed, we tried to focus on something normal, but all of a sudden, nothing was normal any more. 

Roger was busy with a 'lock down' if I recall. Certainly with NYC, the Pentagon, and potentially the Capitol as targets - KSC could have been a likely target too and those who were called to serve and protect did just that. They jumped into action. They prepared for the worst. 

This was the story of Roger's life. He was probably the 'most prepared' person I ever knew. He would come in from work and set up his uniform for the next shift - two days away.  He took care of most things on a daily basis, so nothing was left unfinished. (well, except for yard work - but he picked up limbs as soon as they dropped from the trees)

I guess it always seemed that this was a firefighter way of living, but now, I see that it was really so much more. He really lived in such a way that he expected that each breath or at least each 'emergency' might be his last. He was prepared for almost anything. Even the stuff in the trunk of his car showed me that he could have handled almost any emergency he came upon. And he often did. 

There is a lot of reflecting to be done today, on 9-11.  Roger would have been reflecting and mentioning a lot of insightful things. Lke.....This day is much more than a memory of what happened at the World Trade Center Towers.  It is a reminder of the evil that can be thought of in the minds of men, and then carried out.  It should be a reminder that there is good and there is evil - only two sides - and we should reflect on where we have chosen to give our allegiance. Do we follow blindly, or do we think about the choices we make and whom we follow? 

Roger would so often say that really nice people pick really wrong philosophies on life which tend  lead them to really self centered and wrong decisions, even though they are really nice people.  Reflecting back, I am reminded of how much Roger studied the Middle East and The Bible.  He always felt like America had some type of attack coming, though he never did exactly put his finger on it. He had a way of picking out those important things in the course of human events that would have some significance in the future. Often they were not the things that would come to our minds. 
And he did not think that 9.11.2001 was the end of it all. 

He felt deeply the sacrifice that those FDNY firefighters made in 2001. He never forgot what they left behind in order to try to save the lives of others. I suppose he really tried to prepare us to be the 'left behind' ones, because there is no doubt that he would have been the first to head into a burning building to save a life.  I was always prepared to lose him during an emergency situation at KSC, but not so much on a beautiful sunny day off. 

Firefighters - a special breed of man, to be sure! 

Roger's Lesson:  We are all here for a purpose. Love those whom God placed in your life, but also remember that life is bigger than the relationships on earth. Look up. Pay attention to your relationship with God, for that is the one that matters the most. If you take care of the vertical relationship, the horizontal ones will work out. 

And those towers of light that we see on Sept 11 will always remind me of that. They draw my eyes up into the Heavens. They make me think about God. They make me think about the sacrifice that He gave - the life of His Son - for me. For you. They remind me that even in the depths of despair and in the horrific parts of life, He has still got it under control.

I think about all of the books Roger read - and how we talked so much about different religions and different philosophies on living.  I think about how he always brought it down to one simple truth - it is not about religion, it is about relationship. Of all the ways of living - Jesus is the only one who lived and died, but even more, rose again - to show us that this life is not the end of it all. There is so much more that is wonderful, but only if you have that relationship with Him. Two sides. Good. Evil. Heaven. Hell. You get to pick your eternal home, but not on your own terms. 

Back on Sept 11, 2001 we felt like America might be finally 'getting it' once again. We felt like this awful evil that took place might be able, by the grace of God, to be that re-awakening of what life was really all about.  For a while, it seemed like dependence on God, love of country, patriotism - like they had all returned. Thirteen years out though, I am aware of a lot of changes a lot of people made in their lives, but as Roger would say - evil never went away and it never will. In many ways, it seems like evil is even more evil and surrounds us more than ever before. 

Yet, God is still in control. Even when there are days in my life which are not 'national moments,' I know they are life changing moments.  I will always remember the events as they took place on February 10.  It was an ordinary day, a beautiful day, just as it was on 9-11-2001.   

But in an instant, things changed in my life and in the life of my family, and for so many of our friends.  We were so un-prepared to receive that call.  2.10.14. We will not forget. 

But Roger.  Roger was prepared. He was prepared to depart at any moment, and not due to illness.  He was prepared because He knew that God had numbered his days, and for the long or the short of it, he was ready to spend eternity with Christ. 

He lived his life as if those 'towers of light' were in his path each day. His focus was upward. 

Vertical relationship.  And he surely would be thrilled if every reader of his story had that same relationship, because "it's not about religion, it is about relationship." 

Roger - you were indeed my strong tower while you were here - and Jesus, Our strong tower will get me through until I see you again.  I'm so blessed to have so many good memories. 

Poof!

Many times I do things and don't seem to have any particular reason for why I do them. 

Tonight was one of those fun family nights where in an impromptu kind of way, we all gathered. A cousin was in town! It is always fun to get together with family. So often in the past we were not diligent enough to make it a point to get together really often. Sad, because we live pretty close together, but let days and weeks slip by. 

Since February, we have tried to change that. Even when it is impromptu, we try to make gatherings happen, because they are just important. It really hit home this year that family is really important and  we don't want to ever be caught saying -'oh, I wish we had gotten together more.' 

It was a lot of fun to sit around the dinner table and catch up - laugh a lot - plan for the next weekend. I am so glad that Carole Anne sent a text as they were driving down that rainy rainy highway! I am so glad that I was not overly concerned with whether the house was 'ready' for guests. How great to see the faces of those we love! 

Since I try not to commit to things these days without having my handy dandy - old fashioned calendar in hand, I pulled it out.  Sometime during the evening little brother asked me - "what are the hearts for?" 

Always on a Monday. Always with a number, progressively increasing.   I had only filled in October through the end of the year a couple of days ago. 

Weeks. Weeks without Roger. 

I realized that I had been marking the weeks, one at a time for a long time.  
So many people had told me things like "Don't do anything for a year."  "Don't make decisions about stuff for at least a year."  "Don't change stuff, it's too soon."

Each time, I tried to heed the advice, yet always going back to the wise words from my very wise Pastor - and the same from my very wise 'therapist' friend. (I let her practice on me!)  Their advice = 
there is no normal. Do what seems right for you, but you probably shouldn't go make huge changes right away.   Ah. That made much more sense. 

I am a 'doing' person. Always have been. I could not for the life of me imagine doing 'nothing' for a year. What? Sit in a rocker, twiddle my thumbs?

Maybe I first started marking the weeks as a count down to when normal would return. 

More likely, I tackled life one day at a time, then all of a sudden, I had made it a week. Then two. Then four. Then two months. One foot in front of the other. Just keep going. Good days, sad days, but all fresh new days. 

Maybe it was subconscious. Maybe I was marking milestones. 

Every Monday though, it is the same. It does not matter whether I hear the ringer on my phone or not. There is something about that hour from 4:30 to 5:30 that makes me stop. Time stands still. It seems like forever since that phone call came in - and it seems like moments ago. And yet, every Monday, as time stands still, I can hear God reminding me that life is like a vapor. You are here, and then you are not. It can be that quick. I am not alone in this experience. 

Roger's Lesson: This is easy. Well, Kiddo, this week is #30. It might seem like 30 weeks or even 30 years to you, but to me, it has been only 30 seconds in eternity and I am just getting started.  Keep counting - I'll be ready when you get here.

And that is the really cool thing. Life on earth might indeed be like a vapor but eternity isn't. 
When I think of a vapor, I think of two things - I think of a odor, like bug spray or WD40 or even goo-gone.  I also think of a fragrance, like a rose or a lovely perfume. 

I enjoy thinking about this 'vapor' Roger left behind. I find it like a sweet fragrance.  Sure, I know that all of life might not have been sweet - but what I choose to dwell on is all those things that were sweet, lovely, of good report, uplifting, challenging, exciting. Roger's vapor - his earthly life might have been shorter than we all would have liked - but it was sweet while he was here. 

All in all - I couldn't have asked for much more. 

30.   Thirty weeks without him, and yet 30 weeks closer to seeing him again!

What a great hope - I have that only because of Christ - that I will see him again - in Glory - in the sweet bye and bye - when crossing the Jordan - on that great and glorious day when my earthly life too, become but a vapor. 

Hope I leave a sweet one! 

Tigers!

It is a rainy night and I was minding my own business. People from all over Central Florida were filtering in for dinner and the 'serving team' was ready, getting them seated, filling their beverage cups. 

No where in my mind was I thinking about football  -  until I saw the preacher.  Orange shirt.  Clemson.  Roger would have loved it. 

How did he say it? "This is my believin' shirt" - I think that is it.  Of course, as little as I know about football, I did know that it had to mean that Clemson had a big game tomorrow.  And if Roger had been with me, he probably would have had on an orange shirt too.   And if Clemson wins on Saturday, he would definitely have had on his  orange "stiffly starched' shirt on Sunday! For the preacher!

What is it? This football thing?  I see how it draws people together.  I guess it gives them something to cheer for collectively. I guess it gets you out of politics and the nitty-gritty ordinary stuff of life - for at least a little while.  Some people are so passionate about it and others can cheer and then go on their way. I can take it or leave it - as long as it does not require that I be in heat or extreme cold.  (Oh yes, I do remember those hot hot August football nights at TMA! - all for Marching Band!)

Though I won't remember to turn to a game tomorrow, I am sure that plenty of folks I know will be cheering for Georgia, Florida, FSU, UCF, UT,  'Bama, and yes, Clemson.  
Oh - and Baylor too - seems that every great Pastor I know has a favorite football team - that's interesting! 

Yes, it is quiet around my house this football season. I'll find plenty of DYI things to captivate me, but it won't be the same.  I will have control of the remote - if I want it.   I won't be in the kitchen keeping the snacks coming. I won't need to leave the room so Roger and Ron can talk football, and I can talk or sing as loud as I please.

Funny how the little things that used to be annoyances are now the things that you long for.  
It's like that old song - "You don't appreciate what you've got til it's gone." 

Roger's Lesson:  It's just football, but we like it. Join in or find something else to do. - ah, but don't get ticked off about it. It teaches something about life. 

Yes, object lessons perhaps.  Practice taking a punch so it does not take you out when you get hit.  I'll never get it but I guess I feel the same way about the theatre or an art museum or a concert.  

Truly, I am stretching for a spiritual lesson here. Maybe football lovers can help!
However,  it put some some pretty good friends together. 
So it can't be all bad! 

Now I'll flip over to JLTV (Jewish Life TV) and think about how we did love watching that together! 

He called.

Oh, the things you run across when you sort through years and years of photos. Thankfully many are already digitized.

The good thing is that I am fairly well organized, so most photos are filed. The bad thing is that they are not filed with as much OCD-ness as I prefer.

In that I used less than ¼ tank of gas last week, that pretty much shows that I stayed holed up in the house all week ... sorting photos.

It was fun today to run across random photos of Roger with other people. I am trying to email them when I find them. Even though it may bring a tear or two, I think most people are finding it pretty special to have the digital image.  So often you don't really realize how special someone was in your life until they are gone. It seems a lot of people feel that about Roger and that makes me really happy. Visual images are a nice reminder also, so, yea for photography.

Roger and I  had not been on but a couple of 'lunch dates' before he went to church with me. I'll never forget the first time he picked me up for church and walked in the door at First Baptist Church of Pine Hills. "HEY ROG!"  Time and again.

How in the world did all of these people who went to church with ME - know HIM?  Roger really got around, but really, he never met a stranger. Two minutes - acquaintance - a little longer - friend. And he never forgot whomever he met - and as I am coming to see - few forgot him.

So he visited FBCPH and about 10 months later, he got married there.  Children were born and raised there. One day the church bought vacant land and said "Move west, young man!" since the church body seemed to be moving west and growth was out in that direction. At the time Good Homes Road was the edge of "no-man's land" between Pine Hills and Ocoee.

It was not long before we held the last service at FBCPH. Our photo is in front of the Sanctuary - where the crosses were a mosaic on the front wall.  I ran across a lot of other photos. I must have taken photos of every place we ever walked. Sunday School rooms where we taught first graders. The nursery where our girls were safely cared for and where we took turns watching 'all those kids' - The 'old Sanctuary' where we were married, later turned into ½ Chapel and ½ Nursery.  The fellowship hall was where we had so many dinners and showers and receptions and gatherings of all kinds. The back porch was where 'dinner on the grounds' was often hosted.  The outdoor courts where he coached basketball. We walked where the girls had school classes and choir and VBS and all manner of other activities.  Oh, and those teeny tiny restrooms - unforgettable to be sure!

We thought about the people we knew and the lives they lived. Many lived and died there, in a sense. We realized how much the "Church" is not simply a building where we attend services, but it truly is a body of believers who care deeply about one another.  It was central to our lives.

We never were 'church hoppers' - though at times, I could have been. Roger would say that "I was here first" when ever trouble arose and he was determined to stick with it -through thick and thin.  It hurt when friends moved, because it is so hard to keep up in this busy world - and we miss them . When we see each other, too often at only weddings or funerals, it is like time stood still. We love to catch up.

Thick and thin. Over the years. Tears - I think thankful tears, joyful tears are rolling down my cheeks as I think of the many people from our past who came to Roger's services. It was a shock for us - but also for them. It is such a wonderful thing to know that he really meant something to so many people. I still can't seem to fathom it.  It is still hard to think back to that day - my heart is still so full and I still can't comprehend it all.

Tonight I met a neighbor who shared that she heard about Roger from a friend of mine -from school - in Oviedo. What a small world.

One short text to only 5 people.   "Roger. Heart attack. Pray"      And I know that in every instance - that text multiplied tenfold and then some and people prayed.   And when I think that the outcome was not what I wanted, I also know that people prayed for God's will while we were focused on Roger.  People who do what Roger did never stopped working to save a life. Everyone gave a thousand percent, if not more.  And the call for prayer brought people running.

I will never forget Bro. Dexter walking into that ER calling out "HEY BROTHER ROG!" ....just like he always did. And the smile on his face turned immediately to shock when I said he was 'gone.'  He had not yet received the text that stated...
"Roger. Eternity. 5:30"    In reality, by all we know, he was already with Jesus before he left the scene almost an hour earlier.  Before I sent that first text while being driven to the hospital.

In less than an hour life changed. Time stood still. People prayed. God answered. But His answer is not always the answer we want.

Roger's Lesson: Oh - it is simple and I know it.  He would tell me...
Jesus said "Roger, come home, my child" and I did.

He always believed in being prepared, being ready for the call.  I can imagine him looking back at us, but I can not imagine him saying "wait' or 'no' to Jesus.  

I just did not think it would be so soon for him.
And yet ...reflecting back over the last six months, I can see God's hand in his life more clearly than I ever did when he was here.  I can see that all of the crazy little things that he did and said should have been showing me that he was ready for an immediate departure whenever he was called.

He lived that way on duty. I knew that.  I just did not expect it when he was not 'on duty.' And yet  - I know now that Roger was ALWAYS on duty.

And the rest of the story from my photo file ....

Eventually FBCPine Hills had a name change and we all settled in on the Ocoee campus as the Pine Hills location was sold to another church. FBC Central Florida began to reach more people as the community continued to grow. One day we voted to install a cross so that anyone could know that there were answers 'at the foot of the cross.'   It is 199 feet tall and can be seen at night from a whole lot of Orlando - indeed, even from Clermont! On a clear and dark night, it lights up the sky and you can see it from the air. In the midst of the clutter on earth - the Cross  can catch your eye.

I loved seeing it begin to light up as I drove home from Oviedo at dusk.  I love seeing it in the night sky. I love seeing a sunset behind it.

Often when Roger would be driving across town with me, he would see the cross and say "Look - The Cross - We are almost home"        

Call me thankful. There are a lot of reasons, but even from Woodlawn, Roger is within eyesight of the cross.

I am thankful that Roger went to church with me very shortly after I agreed to a date with him.

I am thankful for the leadership and guidance we both received from wise men of God.

I am thankful for friends, both near and far, with values we all embrace and lives that have been really good practice for spending eternity together.

I am especially thankful that we chose to place "The Cross" as a marker, a guide, a lighthouse, the thing that was central to our life together.   And of course, The Cross, is representative of Christ and His great redeeming love for us.

And for whomever is reading.
And for all the world.

I can't imagine getting through so great a loss without Christ and His goodness and grace. His Comfort through friends and acquaintances, through valuable teaching, and through all of the seemingly 'little' things of His Creation.

Yes, Roger.  You had your eye on The Cross, and on your Saviour. And when He called, you heard him and you were ready.  Oh, that we could all live our lives that way.

And.....thanks for the times you humored me and let me have photos of you!