It's Polish Thing

It still lingers. I prepared dinner hours ago, left for the evening, and when I returned, it was to the aroma, yes aroma, of gently sautéed and caramelized onions, kielbalsa, and pierogies.
Ah, and the memories.

Roger loved kielbalsa. I guess it is a Polish thing. Kielbasa is a certain kind of sausage that is really not overly greasy and the only sausage I can tolerate. I had never had it in my life until I met Roger's Aunt Gerrie. It is pretty tasty when it has been broiled or pan fried.

Roger loved it fresh, and nothing was better than Aunt Gerrie's fresh kielbasa. She offered to teach me how to make it many years ago, but I never got around to it. I mean, sausage, even as yummy as her kielbasa was, does not exactly qualify as health food, right? Big mistake on my part! Roger would have loved it, but he found a way to have his fresh kielbasa fix anyway. It is called - Polish Deli.  He and Nani would order pounds at a time and freeze it. Then they would schedule a special time to eat it. Oh boy! I do miss that though.

Left to his own devices, Roger would eat kielbasa straight up. With mayonnaise. No need for veggies.
He knew what he liked and he often liked a lot of it. Yes, an area of our disagreement.

Fortunately, he was rarely left to his own devices.

As much as was possible, I would stick vegetables to his less than healthy meat selections and try my best to make it difficult for him to pick them out. He could always separate carrots, however. (I still do the same with mushrooms)

And he actually did eat some vegetables - the weird ones - but mostly called potatoes vegetables.

It was a fun challenge to get proper vegetables into his diet. Thankfully he loved to eat, so he would try just about anything. Well, anything except tofu. But I could wrap meat around just about anything and he would give it a try.

He always insisted that he ran as much for the ability to eat anything he wanted as he did for his health.  I could never talk myself into that, but I do have a friend who once told me that she ran so she could have her m&m fix every day. To each his own, I suppose.

"God numbers your days and it is our job to redeem our time here wisely" he would tell me. Is sausage wise? He would chuckle and say that he would run to balance it out. If, in fact, that it really is God that numbers our days then I must be satisfied that Roger lived his well and his diet was only a part of the equation of life.  And, I do believe that God numbers our days. It is just my mind that wants me to make sense of diet being part of a shortened, or lengthened life.

Gluten free? He would have none of it. Fat free? Not on his list.  Sugar-free - well, he always insisted that he did not like sugar, but I never did figure out how he loved chocolate and ice cream but not sugar. I think that NOT being a cook helped him out with that theory.

And most certainly, I wish that he would have embraced a 'less meat-more veggies" kind of lifestyle - mostly in the hopes that it would have extended his time with us. But I can't help but wonder if his days were lengthened because I tried my best to get the 'best for him' foods on his plate. It somehow seems that I still spend too much time wondering where we would be today IF I had insisted on this on a fish, fruit and veggie only diet.  I've come to the conclusion that it is satan that points to that line of thinking, and probably also just a part of the grieving process.

It is to some degree satisfying that on my watch he ate a lot of salmon and veggies. He had fruit under his ice cream (so it looked like a significant serving!) I only left him with chocolate when I traveled and packaged it up for 'a treat a day.'  

But what he did when he was not home....ahhhh....I will forever wonder! I know that they have a REALLY BIG kitchen in the fire station. And I know that there is always at least one firefighter on any given shift that embraces cooking for a crowd.  I know that if someone cooked for Roger and he liked it, then they likely did it again, and again! "Jimmy Deans makes the best......."     and I would have to remind him that it was only the best on the coast...and he chuckled. Wise move because you must always encourage the cook!

This not cooking for four thing is a hard thing to get used to. Four ....dinner, and then leftovers for breakfast.  Roger is the only person I have ever known who loved a five pound meatloaf so he could have it for days on end as leftovers. He is the only person I have ever known who loved dinner so much that he wanted the same thing for breakfast.

Roger's Lesson:  If dinner was good, then have it again right away!

He believed that God made good food for the eating, and he did his part to show God how thankful he was for good food. I'm glad that I was a part of that enjoyment.

Yes, if he were here, I would be smelling the aroma of kielbasa warming up for breakfast!

" Z "

So many thoughts are running through my head today. It's been a few days since I could put my thoughts down on digital paper and a part of me hopes that I have not just forgotten the many little memories and lessons of the past few days.

Today it seemed that every time I was in the car by myself, 'the Z' was on. I rarely change the channel, so I tend to listen to whatever happens to land on the tuner.

Talk about emotion. Every song was either the saddest thing I ever heard - tragedy, loss, hurt, pain -  or drawing my thoughts toward Heaven.  This equals tears - and lots of them.  I never can seem to figure out what triggers it.

It is so sad to hear the singer go on and on about suffering and pain, though it is abundant in this world, and I am certain the songs do help people. But on and on....oh, goodness, lead me to something joyful! I feel the pain, the loss. The tears flow.  And I get a headache.

But then, the songs about Heaven. There in the midst of my sad tears,  it is like I can see Glory and I am still  crying. Only they change to tears of joy for what I will see and experience one day - and then back to sadness because it is not now, and because this journey is a lonely one now.

It is a strange thing how you can be surrounded with people, and yet still feel so alone. I have always thought that being alone is not the same as loneliness. For almost 41 years now, I've had plenty of times of 'being alone' - every third day, in fact. I grew to embrace those times and use them well.  But I never felt lonely.  

So many times, I walk through the doors we entered and departed through together. I go places where we went together. I've done it by myself, but never been lonely. I do it now, and it will hit me that we won't be doing this together, ever again. Not in my lifetime.  It is just so very weird.

And little tears creep down my cheeks.
And I sniff a little.

And then I hear from Z again, and the message reminds me that God loves me more than I can ever imagine. And it reminds me that I am never ever really alone. And it reminds me of how this is a journey and it is different for each of us.

Though I know that Roger was ready, as in prepared, for eternity. I seriously doubt that he would have picked his departure day so soon. But I am just as certain that when Jesus called, he responded. He did that all of his life. He responded to the call.

In all of my alone-ness at the moment, I am quite sure that Roger's Lesson for me is that he
responded to the call, as he always did. Only the call on February 10 was the best call of his life, and one he hopes everyone who knew him will answer as well.

I am pretty sure that the messages I keep hearing on the radio are reminders of that call, and only one of God's little ways to help me stay focused. Maybe it gets easier after week 11?

Hopefully I will remember the lessons from the past few days. There were some pretty interesting ones.

New Life

What a difference a few days, some sod, and a pop of color can make.

After several days of watching our much loved oak meet it's demise, the saws were silenced and the heavy equipment was back on the flatbed. As the sun set, we looked out on what appeared to be a field, tilled for planting. Ah, a little water, some grass seeds, the drought tolerant green stuff that blows in like crazy, and grows like crazy. Yes. We would see green again before we knew it.  Dealing with more than that was something for the future.

We had other plans. We were about to have an opportunity to meet and thank the detective who stopped and assisted Susan and Roger.

Early the next morning, I heard heavy equipment again.  Neighbors must be doing tree work, right? Wrong!  It was Mike (the tree man) as cheerful as ever, announcing that he had a tree on his truck and its' name was Roger. What?

Indeed. He grows trees too?! It seems that while were at the Council meeting, Mike was out digging up a live oak and preparing it for planting. He picked the spot, he and his crew got it in the ground. (Photos of him in the bobcat with the tree on the front might get posted some day!)  And  then there was more....he brought in two pallets of sod!  My backyard has NEVER looked this good!

It was so hard to contain the tears. I can't even seem to express how thankful I am for something that was no where close to anything I even thought about doing.  I know that this was from his heart and because of his friendship with Roger, but I can not even believe that this blessing sifted down to me.

This is so much a reminder to me of God's blessings and provisions. So often I still pass by Roger's photos or something hanging in a closet and I wonder how in the world I am going to finish this journey without him.  He still seems so near, and like he is only gone out on one of his little missions or on a run. Then I get a flashback of that service on February 15 and I know he is not coming back. Yet it still does not seem real. Ten weeks, and it still does not seem real. And yet, God has continued to provide. I have seen Roger's love over and over through the people that he met and worked with and cared about.

God tells us that he cares about the little bitty sparrows and the flowers in the field and that is only a tiny example of how much he cares for each of us, individually.

I know that all of this beauty around me is going to constantly remind me of that. Watching the yard, and this new tree, filled with little birds and watching the beautiful flowers bloom will serve to remind me that God cares about that. But He cares about me even more.

This 'not yet grand' but still LIVE OAK, is but a youth. It has years and years of life ahead of it. I will help it to grow strong and become a home to many birds and other wildlife. We will keep it pruned so  that it will become majestic. We will laugh and play and grow together beneath it's shade. And I will tie a red ribbon around it. (Red for Fire Department, Heroes - Roger)   Our new tree is named Roger and will be an ever present reminder of the strength, protection and love that he brought into this home.

Roger's Lesson:  Oh, he would say to enjoy the great outdoors, and he always supported my need for flowers and color, but he would tell me not to forget about that front yard swing. That's where you see the people.

OK. I will work on that project next!  Mornings in the front yard, evenings in the back yard.  That keeps you away from the intensity of the sun!


And...I can't forget the shout to to Windermere Land and Tree.  Mike is relational, just like Roger, so when you find him around town, schedule up your trees!  Technology? Bah Humbug!    There is actually something quite refreshing about someone who can live without being tied to gadgets, when you stop to think about it! They have more time for people.  Thanks again, Mike and crew!

Stump Statues

At least one of them does not look like a happy camper. We  used the stump as the base for our statues. What would we express? They took turns and had fun! One, about athletics and the other about emotion. Her emotion is sadness. her tree is gone. Roger would not be all too happy either. This is the base of one of his favorite trees. A laurel oak. (well, two) Actually, both of the kiddos are standing on the base. Twelve foot diameter - each half of the tree. I did not have enough ribbon to measure the base of both but the gap between them - and the root that held them together was at least 18 inches across. Someone with better math skills than I should work out that equation.

I had a tightness in my chest for most of the day. Did I make the right decision? What were we going to do for shade now? Where will the birds go? The birds...so many birds have been flying around just looking for a place to land.

And yes, didn't this thing purify the air around my house? What now? Maybe I just needed oxygen!

Maybe the tightness in my chest was more a reminder of how Roger would have felt had he seen this tree come down. He could manage emergencies with no problem at all. Tree on the house. No problem. He would step into action and all would be fine. He knew who to call. He knew how to make things safe.

I'm not so much that way. Emergency? My natural instinct is to leave the area and let the experts do their thing. I almost have to be prompted to think .."could I be of assistance here?"   God made us so very different in this respect. These days I have to tune in more. I'm not altogether sure I like that either.

Deep down, I know the wise decision was to let Mike do his thing. He loves trees and would never take one down that was not a danger. This/These were . The central section of the base was mush, like wet clay. Water ran out when so many cuts were made, all along the way. There was a lot of sawdust in these trees. I imagine it will turn into wonderful compost and help more things grow.
The stump had places that were strong, but many more (covered by the sawdust) that were cavernous.

Laurel Oaks can grow up t0 80 feet tall if searching for sun, 70 feet out in the open. This one was every bit of 70 feet tall according to the tree climber. Various sources say that they can live 30-50 years normally, with some sources saying up to 70 years. This one was every bit of 50 years because it was HUGE when we moved in 35 years ago. We are going to say 71 just for fun, since we know that it outlived Roger.

It had the classic signs of decline for a Laurel Oak.  Tunnel Decay. It ran through the center of every part of the tree.  All the way to the top. Remarkably, the trunks of each tree were tall and straight. We often observed that it was such a shame that there was so much rot, for it would have been wonderful to be able to kiln dry the trunk and then plane it for something wonderful to be built of it.  Ah, this tree had so much potential!

It makes me think, time and again, about people. So much potential. I look at our grandchildren standing on the stump of that grand old tree and I see potential. What will they become? Will they grow strong through and through...spiritually strong, I mean, because that is the only kind of strong that carries people through the hard times in life. Actually, it is the only thing that carries people through the really good times too, lest you become to full of yourself. As a family, we all invest in them. They are the future. We know what makes them strong and Roger loved spending time with them, helping them to learn to be strong. It makes me happy to see them happy, even though I know that their loss is so deep and so hard to understand. But Christ is and always will be the real source of their strength.

This tree had history and that makes me think of the world in general. I don't want to isolate myself from the world, but more and more, I find that I don't really want to know too much about what's going on in the world. I can't stay this way, I know it. There is too much that I love to share with young people and that is not possible if you become isolated and unaware.  But the focus is bigger. Roger's always was. It is all about how THIS world, this existence that we are in presently, lines up with an eternal existence. That one is so much longer anyway.

This old tree 'saw' a lot of history. It was but an acorn when this place we call home was isolated and far from the beaten path. As it grew, it provided shade for the young children who played ball beneath it's large branches. It provided a break in the wind for the elderly folks who lived next door. It provided food for birds and a home for other animals. We enjoyed watching many raccoon families in that tree over the years. It held a big swing where our little girls could enjoy the summertime in the shade. It provided leaves (aplenty!) for the labyrinths we created in the backyard. This old tree had many things, yet it did not have a soul.

As much as Roger loved it, he also knew that it did not have a soul and was here only for a time. He was just not going to be the one who cut short that time. In a way, it is another really sweet memory.

But ah....strong children and grandchildren....that is going to be the memory that I take with me from this old tree. They played hard, they worked hard, and they will persevere! They will stand strong!

Roger's Lesson:  It's OK. It's more about the souls under the tree than about the tree.  

I'm sure that I did the right thing. My first responder is not hear to solve the problem of a dangerous, fallen tree. I avoided an emergency situation, and I am pretty sure that Roger would have to be impressed with that!

Number Two

FBCCF.net

Uplifting. Joyful. Powerful. Leading to worship. AH! Now that's what is needed for Resurrection day music! I found what I was searching for! OUR church. You know it when you are in the right place for you! Of course, you can never go wrong when one of Roger's favorite singers is holding the microphone.  But give me "Christ the Lord is Risen Today" songs on Resurrection Day! 

Roger only had a handful of favorite soloists. Ever. I could count them on one hand. For a lifetime. He had specific tastes and like almost everything else in his life, they did not change much, if any, over the years. 

This does not discount that there are many different musical styles and tastes vary all over the place. Roger had tolerance for other varieties of music, but it was really easy to tell when something was his favorite. 

Music in church these days is different. I grew up in a very formal downtown Baptist church. I can still remember sitting in the 'old sanctuary' and taking it all in. I should look up photos of my childhood church sometime to see if my memories line up at all with the actual architecture of the building. Maybe it was the ambiance. It was on the dark side, rich dark woods, stained glass, even a dome if I recall. It was a sacred place. Reverent was how you behaved. Even as a young child, I somehow knew that!  Roger grew up similarly, but in a smaller church.  Possibly that affects the type of music you come to embrace. We both loved the old hymns, but more for the richness of the lyrics than the melody, though those old melodies are so very comforting. Roger did not much care for the messing up of the old hymns. He tolerated other worshipers' tastes though. 

By the time we met, I was going to a small, but very friendly little (but growing) Baptist church. "The Exciting" First Baptist Church of Pine Hills. Youth choir was fun, but we were challenged and great friendships grew from those times together. We had great leaders to guide us. They prepared us for challenges in life. Many are still friends today. Many are growing older and ever closer to Heaven. This is hard for me. Hard to lose Roger when he was younger than dear leaders, but so hard to think of journeys ending for others as well.  Music was central to so much of my younger life, it created a bond that has held all through the years. Maybe that is why I really like the old stuff! 

Today's music brought back such a rush of memories. Good times, sad times, challenging times. All were times when God was present and He carried us through in so many different ways. Most days we go about our ways, not really thinking so much of a love so great. Today I thought of the many great loves in my lifetime. All kinds of loves. Roger's love was a special love. But other loves were deep as well. And yet, as meaningful as each might be, they are nothing compared to the love that God has for me. Nothing compared to the love Christ showed for me. Nothing compared to the love I will one day experience in Heaven with Him. 

Today was another one of those "Firsts." My first Easter without Roger. Oh, he has had to work his shift on Easter before, indeed, many times before. In recent years, he seemed to pull off time swaps or use vacation days for special times like this, so it has been quite a while since I have had a Resurrection Day celebration without him. Even when he worked, we could talk on that day. Not so today. It is quiet without him. It is just so odd to not have him rejoicing with me and enjoying the great music, or to watch him as he listened to Debbie sing. 

And yet, I made myself change my focus this morning. I tried to put myself in Roger's shoes - his golden slippers - and imagine what his Resurrection Day celebration might be like. I am sure that he enjoyed his favorite music. I bet that it was not all jumping around or at unreal decibel levels either. I bet he could understand the words and that the language was deep and rich. I imagine that there was was no dark, rich wood paneling or somber settings. I imagine it was filled with light because he was in the presence of Jesus.  What a day it must be for him. 

I often like to think of Roger watching over us and approving of our decisions to be positive and keep moving, but today I really wanted to look in on him. I want to know what he is doing and what he is feeling. I know from the depths of my being that life is not over for him. He is more fully alive at this moment than he ever was on this earth. That gives such comfort and peace.  But it did not come without a cost. And that cost was the life of Jesus. His Savior. My Savior.  

"Under the Blood" has a whole new meaning these days. Our pastor reminded us again today that all of this 'nice talk' about certain life decisions not being really all that important are just a lie. 

• Put it off. 
• Think of it later. 
• Don't want to face it so I'll do something else for now. 
• There's really nothing to worry about, everyone goes to Heaven.
• You're a good person, don't worry.
• You were raised in a Christian family, you are safe.

There are so many variations.

Roger would say that it comes down to taking God at His Word...in the Bible of course.
You believe it or you don't, but the decision is yours and yours alone.
But it is a decision that has to be made. By not addressing it and making a decision, you made a decision. How profound is that? !!! 

There are not too many things in this lifetime that you have to do fully and totally on your own, but where you spend eternity...that one is yours and yours alone.  I made that decision many long years ago, as he did. I can honestly say that I have never looked back, never a regret, best decision of my life. The pastor of my youth used to say, "There are only two really important decisions you need to make in life. #1 is where you will spend eternity. #2 is with whom you will walk this earthly journey"   Roger would add that the decision about what to have for dinner was important, but not AS important. 

Of course, I am  not counting out saying yes to that first date with Roger, of course. It led to a lifetime of joy as well. But something has to be your number one best decision. Jesus is mine. 

Roger's Lesson:  Well, he is kind of busy today, but he would have said that your first earthly love should really be number two. 

And he was a really great Number Two.  
Happy Resurrection Day! 

Interesting Selections

Early. Misty. Damp. Chilly. Gray.  Not the way I prefer to start my day. But today was different. It is Resurrection morning and I was so ready to get up with the sun. (Not physically, but mentally, I was!)

As I drifted of to sleep last night, I thought about all of the Easter celebrations Roger and I had shared. Besides being the celebration of the Resurrection of our Savior, it was a fun family day too. I thought about the afternoons at grandaddy's when the girls were little. All those memories.....

And then, one of my last thoughts before slumber came, was of Roger and the way he had to be rejoicing in Heaven...because he is WITH Jesus on this Resurrection morning.  He and lots of other loved ones. He and lots of others that he only knew through the history books. He and all of those great saints from Bible times.  It must be wonderful.

As we headed to our sunrise service this morning, in the mist and grayness, I still had hope for a great sunrise. I even checked sunrise time so I would not miss it. 
Sunrise over the lake is stunning any day of the year, but on Resurrection Sunday...I knew it would be glorious.  

In selecting a seat, I made sure that my view of the cross also did not include the Mormon tabernacle across the lake. I did not want to think of the sadness of those who wholeheartedly follow religion, but not relationships.  Actually, it would have made quite the visually contrasting image, now that I think of it. But, this morning, I needed happy. 

Walking to our seats, I heard the choir singing "Christ the Lord is Risen Today!".....Glorious! I just love hymns and especially hymns of the Resurrection.  I just knew that the sun would burst through those gray clouds any moment. Alas, even throughout the service, no sun.  No sUn....but the SON was there! Always there!

Roger always liked going to "OUR" church for any kind of service. He was not a "church hopper" by any stretch of the imagination. Of course, we must remember that change was not his favorite thing either. It is a good thing that when he met me, I was going to a great church with an amazing pastor.  Once Roger made a commitment, he stuck with it. He visited with me that first time, and he never looked back. Never changed churches, stuck with ours through thick and thin. All churches have that 'thin'....tough, lean, challenging ....time sooner or later. Ours had several, but we grew stronger. A focus on Christ does that for you. Makes you stronger.

Being so excited about actually being awake and focused at sunrise, I came away from the service a little on the down side. It was an interesting service. Yes, interesting. I had never heard Easter music that sounded so melancholy. Song after song. Just different. The message was good, but did not leave me wanting more.  So sad...a great opportunity missed.  Maybe it was just me.

Maybe it served as a reminder that OUR church, the one where we chose to serve together, is still the best for me. Even if it is just me.  Maybe it served to remind me that every day won't be cheerful, upbeat, full of fun, but that does not change the fact that Christ is still in charge and He has something special for each new day.  Maybe it was a sad day because Roger was not beside me.  Actually, he would be quite surprised that I was actually fully engaged at sunrise! 

All in all, it was still a great experience, because any experience when Christ is with you, is a great one. Now I am heading off for OUR church. I need some REAL RESURRECTION DAY music and preaching. This time I will come away with a joy in my heart that can't be surpassed by anything else this world has to offer. I just know it!

Roger's Lesson:  Look around, visit around if you feel the need, but always remember that there is just no place on earth like the church that was meant for you. 

I always knew that! 

Ready

Resurrection time just makes me want to sing all the time. Of course, I don't tend to do it with an audience listening. I like to think that I know something about music, but more than likely, I really don't.  Like - I think that songs in a Major key sound happy and uplifting and songs in a Minor key sound kind of melancholy, soulful, even mournful. That probably is not right, but it does not tend to change how I think. 

I love the old hymn "O Glorious Day" (or sometimes called One Day) but I like it the old way...peppy. Well, cheerful, if not peppy.  Major. This current version, which actually plays a lot in church and on the radio is a bit more melancholy. I have a hard time singing along with it. (But that might be a good thing.)    O Glorious Day by Casting Crowns 
But, googling around I just could not find a version that I liked...and I mean, some of the youtube's make MY singing seem wonderful! Whew!    Roger tolerated the new re-dos of old Hymns fairly well, but never really loved them.  "Give my my 4/4 time," he would say.  I am coming to appreciate some  of his inflexible ways a bit more these days, especially when they make one of my favorite hymns so melancholy. 

We always enjoyed reading the stories about WHY a song was written - or the story behind anything, for that matter.  Young people in particular tend to think that this is a contemporary worship song..well, of course, Casting Crowns is a contemporary group, right? Well, it actually dates way back to 1909. A Century. Roger's style. 

I'll have fun recalling this story because the chorus really tells you all you need to know!

Living, He loved me 
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried, my sins far away
Rising, He justified, clearly for ever
One day He's coming...O Glorious Day!

That's just the chorus - and it is the entire Gospel message! Living, Dying, Buried, Rising, Returning! 

The verses are even better! Gospel message again - this is what I love about old Hymns....not that constant repeat of one phrase over and over and over and over. "Give me some meat" Roger would say! 

FIRST VERSE - HIS BIRTH

One day when heaven was filled with His praises,
  One day when sin was as black as could be,
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin—
  Dwelt among men, my example is He!

SECOND VERSE - HIS DEATH

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain,
  One day they nailed Him to die on the tree;
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected;
  Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He.

THIRD VERSE - HIS BURIAL

One day they left Him alone in the garden,
  One day He rested, from suffering free;
Angels came down o’er His tomb to keep vigil;
  Hope of the hopeless, my Savior is He.

FOURTH VERSE - HIS RESURRECTION! 

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer,
  One day the stone rolled away from the door;
Then He arose, over death He had conquered;
  Now is ascended, my Lord evermore.

FIFTH VERSE - HIS COMING AGAIN!!!!!!!

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming,
  One day the skies with His glory will shine;
Wonderful day, my beloved ones bringing;
  Glorious Savior, this Jesus is mine!

If that does not make you just want to jump up from your comfy seat and sing from the top of your lungs (Well, using your head voice, as Tara taught me) ... then something is just plain old wrong with you! 

But the story - never forget the story!  This hymn was written way back in 1909 by John Wilbur Chapman (1859-1918)   He was best known as an evangelist and actually gave Billy Sunday his start. This man believed in pure Gospel. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Chapman's life story is interesting and reminds us of how far from 'pure Gospel' we have come in America today. 

But I like it that this song is often described as the Gospel, so creatively concise. 

Even better though - you don't get this stuff from a religion. No, you get it from a relationship.   There is no better time of year to think about the kind of relationship you want to have for eternity than this time of year.  I always knew that it was highly unlikely that Roger and I would depart this earth at the same time, outside of the Rapture, and that it would at some point be one without the other.  I never thought it would be soon, or him first.  I never thought there would be all of this figuring stuff out for me to do. I never thought about needing to go on without him. 

It is Resurrection time though and my focus has turned from the things that need to be put in order, to a time of reflection. Reflection about relationships. Reflection about relationships on the earth, and more importantly, relationships that will last for eternity.  A relationship with Christ will last for eternity. And God promises that I will see my loved ones again in Heaven one day.  Of course, though I don't like to think about it much, I do know that I won't see everyone I ever met on earth, in Heaven. Some never would make a decision to have personal relationship with Christ. They chose to do it their own way, or follow another path, or just think about it later.  Roger would always say that those were such bad decisions. (He never talked about particular sins either, because we all have something we could improve upon. He talked about relationships and eternal decisions.)

We all make bad decisions from time to time, just don't let where you will spend eternity be a bad decision - or one that you never think about. It is not a morbid thought either - it is actually an exciting though!  Go back to that fifth verse ... unless I step into Heaven first, ONE DAY HE IS COMING! And not only will I meet Jesus face to face, but I will see others I loved as well....only what do you want to bet, that I won't want to leave Jesus for quite a long time!

Someone told me that Roger stated on Sunday, February 9th, one day before his departure ...that "if the trumpet sounds right now, I am ready ....and even if it does not sound, I am ready"....... I did not get the idea that the statement was in the context of him thinking he was leaving, but rather, in the way he was living. 

Roger's Lesson:  I am sure it is "Be Ready"

And what a glorious time of year to be sure you are READY! 

Strong Roots

Oh, it is huge. Really, really huge. This old oak in our back yard was huge when we built the house 35 years ago. It has withstood everything from yard swings to hurricanes, and so far, it has still stood. It is a water oak, so the fact that it still stands after hurricanes is remarkable in itself. The 2004 Hurricane Series took a toll on this old tree, but she still stands in 2014. 

This tree has also had a lot of tender loving care. Mike, the tree man, has lovingly pruned it, both before the hurricanes of 2004 and has tenderly done so ever since. He has removed the diseased or decayed parts before they could do more damage, and kept it carefully balanced so it would not fall. 

This is no mere tree. It is TWO trees. Two trees with roots intertwined like siamese twins. If you sever anything, you are likely to lose both.  And Roger was not about to lose two trees.  So often we were advised that these trees could fall either way, or both ways. At the same time. But Roger would never take down a tree for 'just in case.'  He is probably having a panic attack right now. (No, wait, no panic attacks in Heaven!) "Those Oak Trees are going to outlive me," he would always say.   I was thinking that would be true in about 20 years, around 2034, but now now. 

But the deed must be done. These trees are in real danger of falling. And I'm told that they weigh tons. 
Part of me is kind of glad that he is not having to take part in it. A very small part of me. I'd rather we were making this tough decision together. Tough decisions make you stronger, right? 

So today, as I took photos of our wonderful tree, in its various stages of dismemberment, I thought about Roger a lot. I thought about how many times we looked at this tree in light of Psalms 1.

The King James Version is so poetic, so full of symbolic though. (Roger's translation kind of makes you think about it in today's terms)

"Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.....   (Roger's modern translation would be something like...blessed is the person who doesn't hang out with those without moral guidance - doesn't listen to their schemes and follow their ways,  or those who defy the goodness and righteousness of God, or those who mock or slander or 'scorn' the things relating to Jehovah God) 

"But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His Law he meditates day and night "      (Roger's translation -  that the person's thought processes revolve around the things of God, day and night, his world view is about Jehovah God more than about anything else) 

"And he shall be like a TREE planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season. His leaf also shall not wither, and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper"   (Roger's translation was more about the tree being like people, the water being like the Living Water: Christ, and the fruit being those we touch through Christ. Prosperity was spiritual in nature as well...because temporal things really do not last, but spiritual things do.  I even read somewhere that it is like being blessed with grace in our earthly existence, and glory eternally...and thus, a happy person....very cool! )

Of course it goes on to explain the final end for both the righteous (which does not mean perfect, but rather those who follow God and give their best efforts as living in such a way as to honor Him) and for the ungodly (which actually should be clear enough, since I did not make up that term)

He always thought that in today's world, people act like they don't really know the difference and that whatever they feel is ok, or God's ways, are ok. "Yeah, right" he would say, "I guess we will see in the end."       Weigh it out....stand in judgement or in the congregation of the righteous.....each person has to decide that one on his own. 

But back to the tree....it gave us shade, it gave us breezes, it sheltered us during a gentle rain, it was a thing of beauty...children played under it, it supported our swings and held our weight under it's great branches.  It was a living thing, yet it was not a soul.  It served Roger well, I'll say that. He was not a 'tree hugger', but he liked the things that God placed in his little corner of the world. 

So, this is not the big tree in our front yard. I even I told him that I was not going to replace oaks with oaks, because I got the pollen and leaf end of the deal. But today I changed my mind. Mike, our wonderful tree man, wants to plant a tree for Roger and he wants to plant a LIVE OAK.  I will say yes to that. 

A LIVE OAK has roots that are deep and strong. They grow slowly, so slowly that I will never see the fullness of the tree in my lifetime, but our grandchildren might. A LIVE OAK will withstand the storms of life. (As evidenced during the 2004 Hurricane Series)  This will be a great example for those following in Roger's footsteps. 

We did not plant the Water (Laurel) Oak. It was significantly huge when we got here, so it is possibly 50-75 years old already....why indeed, maybe it is 71!  But we will plant an oak that is stronger, more enduring, and can last a hundred years, easily. 

And if the Lord tarries, and I meet Roger before He comes....we can watch from Heaven as our children's children's children swing and play and enjoy life from beneath an oak tree whose life in our back yard will begin in the same year as Roger began eternity. 

Roger's Lesson:  Trees mean life - the Cross was once a tree - it points to eternal life. It lasts. 

He would say that I did well on this decision. I just know it.  
And I also know that my tears will water the roots of that new LIVE OAK tree. 

Bunny Ears

Plan ahead. I do that as often as I can. Lately I need the old fashioned calendar to keep me on task. My phone does not give me the 'big picture' and goodness knows, I need to see the big picture...almost daily. 

One of the first things I asked God, back on February 10, was to help me to see the big picture in all of this change that came so instantly into our lives. "Our" because our family is so close. We live close to one another, unlike so many families in this day and age. Roger and I always felt so blessed that our grown children actually liked being around us. It is really hard to be near your children and still resist the urge to parent them, but we always felt that ours happened (by the grace of God) to grow up practically perfect in every way, so we certainly have enjoyed the ride! 

I think everyone was a little bit afraid that this turn in our lives would make us drop certain things. Things like family dinners, or grandkids just hanging out. It is very very easy to just stay in my jammies each day and just stay home. It is very very easy to keep to myrself so I don't cry in front of others or have them show pity or think I am depressed. Too easy.  Roger would have hated it if we did that, and we have all made an effort to do this differently, if we can.

Roger was always "all about people" and this is very hard for me. Being task driven, I could easily tie my life up with one project after another, probably for years on end. I enjoy people, but I am also quite content in my own space. I'm not really sure how long that would last, or how good it would even be, but I could slip into it easily if not for good friends and family who keep me out and moving. 

One thing that is precious is grandchildren time. During this time of year, Jacob especially is so busy with school work and sports that I barely see him except on weekends. Today it rained, and it rained a lot. I was too busy to let my tears flow with those raindrops though. Emily and Jacob came to play!  And play we did!

Our creativity for the day played itself out with rice krispies. I love the way Emily explains the 'rules' for the project. Funny - creativity and rules. I prefer to call them plans.  FIRST, we think about what we want our creation to look like, once iced, THEN we plan out how to get there.  I think it is a rather good life lesson. If you don't know where you are going, then how do you know that you got there? 
Rules don't have to be evil or cumbersome. Plans actually give you creative freedom. 

Their art work was precious, and even had approval signatures. Has someone been watching a little too much of Cupcake Wars and Cake Boss? But, there was a plan! Listening to young people think out loud as they create has always been a fascinating thing to me. These two were no exception!  The little bunnies had nothing too much to do with the real reason we celebrate Easter, but kids like them, and the mold was a bunny....and besides, bunnies reproduce themselves amazingly fast, and isn't that what disciples are supposed to do? 

Roger would have enjoyed tonight's dessert when the kids presented their creations. Disney bakers have nothing on these two with their Krispy Kreations.  We ate ears, and cheeks, and paws. Yum.   Roger might have enjoyed it covered with chocolate, and we likely would have added it just for him, but he would have loved that they created something special for him. 

I miss that. I miss it a lot. We still have family meals, and lots of them, but they will never really be the same. What we do is talk and laugh and plan. We plan to live each day with laughter, even though we still feel the tears. We plan to live each day with people we love and doing things that are important. We know that there is a place for sadness, but we also know that it can overtake you and lead to deep depression.  And...

Our God is here to help us overcome even the deepest loss. And it takes being aware of this every moment of every day.

Roger's Lesson: He would say that "Laughter doeth good, like a medicine."    
or if straight from Scripture ...  
"A merry spirit doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones"  Proverbs 17:22   

Roger had anything but dry bones, and nothing in me tells me that he would want us to approach our new normal in any other way than with a merry spirit.  

Oh, it is hard sometimes, but the time will come when there are more ups than downs and more sunshine than rain. 

God promised. I believe. 

Time ~ A Vapor

Tuesday. Nine weeks ago. The pre-scheduled plan for that day was to go to the DMV and renew my driver's license.  Roger liked to plan ahead. Since February was the first possible time allowed for the renewal, February it would be.

 The last time my Driver's License was up for renewal, I was notified by the TSA officer at the airport. It had expired and I was headed to Nashville. Problematic, to be sure, but the nice gent gave me a reprimand and sent me on to my flight. I promptly renewed online when I got to Nashville.

This time they had to see me in person. Age, I suppose. That was right up Roger's alley anyway. He always believed in interfacing with a person rather than a computer.  But this time I had to do it all by myself. I kept putting it off, but May is rolling in quickly...and I like to travel, so renewing became a necessity.

We now have a lot of new rules for your government ID. (For legals anyway)

• Birth Certificate (certified version, not the one with footprints) or Passport. (√ Passport)
• Proof of Social Security Number (SS Card - nope, W-2 or paystub which require a job - nope, 1099 - you would think this would be easy, but everything showed up with Roger's name on it...finally, one small bank account for travel for me....good save on that one!)
• Proof of address (again, practically every item was in Roger's name or listed the PO Box since we have been here for decades before we ever were allowed a mailbox with a street address - who knew? Finally I found an insurance bill in my name. Whew!)
• And pass the eye test
• And say you are not mentally or physically incapable, don't have seizures or diabetic. And don't think about lying! 

Actually, some of the questions make one wonder how there are so many vehicles on the road! Somebody is lying out there!  And this is if you are a legal resident of Florida. 

They did not ask about my political persuasions but did ask if I vote. I told them that I had never missed an election and there was one on Tuesday. (She was surprised!)

Roger would have quite enjoyed this conversation. 

He would also have inquired about her political persuasions. 

While I once found that a little annoying at times, I miss it now. 

Roger's name has systematically been eliminated from almost every written document in my life...except bills. I can hardly stand it. I know those will eventually change too, but now I understand why daddy never took my mother's name off of something even as simple as his checking account. He could not stand to have her erased. 

As I was driving home from the DMV today, my mind reviewing the recent happenings, I was reminded of the Challenger explosion. Roger reminded me when he returned home from Africa (Senegal, I think) that life is like a vapor....he generally referred problematic things back to Scripture.

"Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away."
James 4: 14      for 4 / 2014   hmmmm

Years and years ago, back in high school, I had the idea that if you were just here and then gone, then what did anything matter. I grew up in the time of the Cuban Missile Crisis....and in Florida, we kind of expected to just poof and be gone for a while there.  But as I paid more attention to Scripture, and had a real 'come to Jesus' meeting and formed a relationship with Him, the verse came to mean more to me. 

When I married a firefighter who not only would fight fires, but could be involved in really big explosion type fires, that verse became even more meaningful to me, as it always seemed to for him.  He called it food for thought. Like, if you are only here for a bit, what are you going to do with it?

Are you going to party and waste time on meaningless things? Are you going to work yourself to death, and for what?  Are you going to invest in something or more realistically someone, who has value for eternity?  He picked the eternity route. No doubt about it now, he did that. 

These days I keep seeing posts on 'end of the world' stuff, survivalist stuff, political fearsome stuff.  None of it bothers me much anymore. Mankind has been waiting for the end of the world, and even more, the return of Christ, since the day He was crucified and buried. Mankind has been watching since the day He rose again and ascended into Heaven.  He's coming. I know it. But I know better than to just sit around and wait.  He gave us life here. Life to be lived. But living, isn't real life without Him in it. It is all about that relationship.  Being present is not living. Working is not living. Only life with Christ in it is real living.  And it is only for a season, and we don't know when our personal season will end. 

Sure, there is work to be done, paperwork to be dealt with, lives to re-adjust to a new normal. But none of that is real living.  Roger's Lesson: For sure, he would be glad that I finished the trip to the DMV. He would say to get the paperwork done fast and get on with the living...but to be sure it is real living. 

James 4:14

April 2014

Perfect message for such a time as this. 

His name may be erased, but his memory, never. The people he touched, never.  

It won't be erased any more than the memory of this vapor - a moment in time - will leave our memories. 

REVAS

I've heard it for 41 years. REVAS. When there is an emergency ~ REVAS.

Thank goodness emergencies did not find their way to me, unless there was someone more useful than me also on deck.

Sean and Mary flew in on Thursday. It was great to see them. Sean looked a little tired after a very hard workout on Wednesday, but was quite the sport when I dragged them to JoAnn's, PeiWei, Karin's, and Aldi.  Of course, by the time we were headed home we had a feeling that there was something more going on than sore muscles. Hmm...what to do, what to do?

R-Rescue. I could do that. Water maybe? Aleve! Yes!
E-Evacuate. I guess we got him to get out of the car.
V-Ventilate. Hmm...well, he was breathing, so we skipped that one
A-Attack. Really?
S-Salvage. He was still in one piece.

I'm kind of thinking that REVAS did not quite apply in this situation, meaning of course...this was not a real emergency! Whew! 

By dinner-time, Sean had quite the fever, so Doc Mary and Doc Judi re-evaluated the situation. We packed him in the car and made a trip to the Minute Clinic. It was probably the flu, we determined. Open til 8, we soon found that in order to be seen by the PA ("PA NOT DOCTOR" emphatically, they stated) ~ You had to be signed in by 7:30. Well bummers, we arrived 30 seconds late for that. Who knew? Rude PA too...cancel that CVS option for the future!

Off to the Doc in a Box - well, that is what Roger called the little Orlando Health clinic that is not quite an emergency room.  Someone saw him there, but since it was time for them to go home, they wanted him to go to the ER for bloodwork. Great! At least they ruled out flu. 

He hobbled back to the car and covered up in a blanket and off his two amazing docs went to the ER...evaluating all the way. This is not flu. 101 is not that much fever. Chills can be cured with a blanket. He did not eat much. He did not drink much today. What if we make him drink a bunch of gatorade instead of sticking him with an IV?  We came to the conclusion that if there was no wait at the ER (possible on a Thursday night?) ~ then we would stay. If there was a wait, we would go home and make an appointment at a Centra Care.  Fine Docs, we felt! 

Driving to the ER was one of those things where I knew I had to keep moving forward and yet I really did not want to go there. The last time I was at the ER, things did not turn out so well for the patient. I did not really want to tell that to Sean, but I thought it. Maybe the wait would be really long and we would not stay.  I am really not cut out for this medical stuff. 

Mary jumped out of the car and came back to report a three and a half hour wait. Full room. Lots of sickness. ICK.   As we had planned, we headed home. Sean was in and out but I am not quite sure that he thought we had his best interests in mind. How do these medical people know what to do? Do they just say ER because someone else has to make the decision that way? Do they just pass the buck?   We made a phone appointment for morning and a plan to wake him every 4 hours for a new dose of Tylenol SEVERE flu. And lots of Gatorade. That should do it! 

By morning, Sean's fever had broken, a shower woke him up, and he was only moderately stumbling over his feet. Did we give him too much Tylenol Flu? At least his "docs' could still laugh! Oatmeal Brûlée offered improvement, as did another nap or two.

By evening he was in good shape...good thing too, because I had told practically everyone that he was here to run for Roger and come in first!  I am absolutely positive that our fine doctoring skills, plus the much needed rest for his achilles was all that was needed for him to run a 16:07 race on Saturday morning and place very very far in front of racer #2. 

Roger's Lesson: No doubt it would be that I need to pay attention to the Acronymns and use the right ones for the right situation. REVAS is for things like building fires. 

Oh well....this is either your calling ....or not.  Clearly it is not mine, so anyone sick would help themselves out if they hung out around someone else. But I do know my Acronymn. (One anyway).

And major thanks to our Great Physician. He had it all under control and knew this 24 hour bug would pass. 

Soul Portal

What a week! It was busy, it was exhausting, it was fun. Blogging seemed to take a back seat all week, but there was barely a moment when Roger was not on my mind. 

This was prep week for the annual Windermere Run Among the Lakes 5K. It was one of the highlights of his year (as I probably mentioned previously.)  I was always thinking of banners, and flags, and music ~ which of course, he found to be nonsense. He focused on coffee, donuts, tables - and a trash can - and chairs for friends. His focus was on getting to talk to the racers. Mine was on making sure the ambiance was right.  Crazy, right?

Prep week was fun though. The weather was beautiful all week, which can be rare in April...all this cool weather. The 80% off flowers perked up and even flowered by race day! The peace lily (gifts to the family during funeral week) were finally starting to become happy in their newly planted locations and were blooming. Enough pruning was done on the trees, that we even had some breeze and sunlight. Whee! And the new, red, adirondack chairs just added the pop of color that was much needed. On race day we even added a big red ribbon to the massive camphor tree in the front yard. (more on that later!)

On Thursday morning Sean and Mary arrived. We were so happy to see them. I'm sure they were happy to have such great weather here, since they had spent so much of the winter confined to their little newlywed loft in Virginia. Brrr. I can not even imagine being so cold for so long!

After a walk up to school and back, the girls met me at the appointed place on the sidewalk. It was the 10th, so we had a date with chalk. Jacob arrived shortly thereafter and joined us in leaving messages at Roger's portal. As silly as it might sound, we call it his "portal to Heaven.'  Some days I would like to just stand right there and say "beam me up, Scotty."  I know, though, that God had a plan and has a plan and that He has numbered my days just like he did Roger's. 

I have also made it a point to allow this to become a place of peace and solice rather than a place of sadness and sorrow. Somehow in the past two months, I have tried to daily focus on the positives rather than the loss. (Boy, that is not an easy thing some days either) God has shown me time and again that the sun will continue to shine and that you only really get to know His warmth and the depth of His love when you experience tears and sorrow. How people get through loss without Him, I just can not imagine.

Yes, this spot has become a special one. For the first time, Emily chalked sunshine. Jacob does not generally get to chalk after school (Sports schedule) but he chalked Ro-Ro's favorite food ...donuts....he was a firefighter after all and donuts go with the job! 

We chalk in a place where Roger took his last steps on this earth. It is a place where he took his last breath, but he did not take it alone. He had a neighbor/friend at his side. She called for help. The mystery person who arrived on the scene immediately, we call our angel. The off duty detective who saw a need and stopped was another blessing, as was our own Windermere Officer who arrived almost immediately. Ocoee's Engine 39 and crew never gave up, and the staff at the hospital refused to believe there was no hope.  In fact, they were right. There was always hope, and there still is hope. 
If you make the wise decisions while you walk this earth, the main one being where you will spend eternity, then you never give up the hope. Even when you take your last breath, there is hope, because  that hope is in Heaven, for eternity. Eternity with Jesus.  

And when you think about it, nothing could be better. Even life on this earth - for it is only part of the eternal journey. 

Roger's Lesson:  Oh, I am pretty sure that it is that we are eternal beings. We don't have a soul...we ARE a soul.  And don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. 

Now he has me wondering where my portal will be. 

Race Day

Our Heroes

It is race day. After Christmas, Easter, and family birthdays, this was probably Roger's favorite day of the year. He has not missed a race since the day they started the Windermere 5K. 
Though he did his run through town almost daily when he was not on shift, he never signed up to run the race. He had a self appointed job. Greeter/Cheerleader.  
It is not even daylight yet and he would already have been up for a couple of hours. Last night we had to figure out what we needed for race day, because he always did this. 
Chairs, table, beverages, donuts....I can't figure out how to get the coffee to the front yard, especially since we now have a two cup coffee pot.

We have donuts a-plenty though, due to a very generous donation from Dunkin' to Dunkin' 

Donuts...I don't think most runners eat them, but Roger surely had fun offering them up as he encouraged and cheered and talked to almost everyone who came by his little corner of the world. 

If he had been running, his area of people he could talk to would have been...maybe 6.  Ah, but on the corner...up to 1000!  Yes, his gift was people.

This year the committed decided to honor hometown first responders. We have some great ones out here. We have EMTs, Police Officers, Firefighters, Doctors and Nurses.  I often wonder if we take the time very often to thank those who would be the first to respond to a call for help.  We do it when we call them, or right after. We think to thank our military when we see them in uniform. Most first responders are just everyday people. You might not even recognize them if they were not on duty. They will always answer the call for help, and more than that, their eyes are always on the road - they often see the need before we call for help.

That happened in Roger's life and now it all connects. He did not run, because from his position, he could check on each and every runner as they neared the finish line. He was doing more than visiting and cheering. He was keeping watch for a potential need.  

Today we are honoring both Officer German, who left this earthly life while on duty, just checking up on someone who might need help.  We honor Roger for 52 years of service as a first responder, who kept an eye on people in his little town and answered the call more than once in the 35 years we have lived here. 

Both are greatly missed, but their eternal joy can't even compare to the joy we experience on race day. I expect that would be Roger's Lesson. He keeps showing me the same thing over and over.
Plan for tomorrow, live as if this day will be your last on your earthly journey to eternity.

We will do our best to watch for potential emergencies....but boy, we are not good at it!

Happy Race Day

More than Mayonnaise

Love makes all things better.

It's a special day. Jim has a birthday! We love celebrations in our home and today we get to celebrate a wonderful and special part of our family. 

We met Jim under unusual, even tragic circumstances. Roger noticed almost immediately that Jim had a calmness and sureness about him, even in the midst of unbelievable stress and changing circumstances. 

When the hurricanes of 2004 blew through, he lent a hand, even though his plate was already more than full.  A man with a servant's heart recognizes a man with a servant's heart. Roger always saw that in Jim.

It is no wonder that Kristin fell in love with him. He is kind, gentle, wise and though we don't always agree in the political/social arena, he probably knows deep down that we are right.  Jim keeps me laughing and he has a way of making me feel calm and secure when my world is spinning out of control.

And he knows when to take control and handle things because they just need to be done. And he works so well with people. Any people. All people.  Remarkable.  

In a time when it is such a great loss to be without Roger, I find myself so thankful every day to have such a wonderful soninlove ...and more than that, to have him so nearby. (Ha! hopefully he feels the same, and hopefully I am not too high maintenance!)  I know he married a wonderful gal, but I also know that she married someone with so many of the qualities of her daddy. That makes me especially happy. 

Roger's Lessson: Oh, he would say, 'oh please' and so would Jim. He would not like all this gushing.  But I know he would say to look for really important qualities in a mate. Don't get hooked on superficial things because they won't carry you the distance. And remember too, that God has that perfect mate out there for each of us, so do your homework and let Him guide that decision. It is a really important one. Actually, it is second only to your decision about where you will spend eternity. 

In Roger's world, Jim would be Kristin's mayonnaise to her...almost any kind of food.  You know...mayonnaise....that creamy stuff that he thought made anything more wonderful. 

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIM.  Get ready for Juci's version of Ro-Ro's stew....it will be like no other! I love you more than Roger loved mayonnaise! 

Not A Movie

Un-fried green tomatoes

Webster. One of Roger's favorite words. This time it is not about Dan, however. It is about a little town with a really great market. 

It has always been fun to take a Monday morning ride out to the Webster Flea Market with the girls. We talk and laugh and just have a great time, topping it off with lunch, straight from the gardens. Before we head home, we stop at the veggie stands. Oh my goodness....the farms in the area produce the most amazing products! 

Roger always loved my Webster Market excursions. He loved them because it meant that dinner would consist of some pretty amazing produce!

He particularly liked green tomatoes. In a pinch, he would even eat those pickled whole ones that come in a jar. ICK. Though I never thought I was very good at cooking them, I would make fried green tomatoes whenever I came home from Webster. He called it a treat! I called it...'well, who would want to eat that?'

It is really hard to cook something well if you are not willing to eat it. But if my fried green tomatoes were terrible, he never told me so. (Good plan!) 

It seems like every day something happens that makes me miss Roger so very much. Sometimes I wonder how I will ever get used to life without him when he seems to be absolutely everywhere.   
Just unpacking the treasures and prepping them for storage made me feel like he was sitting in the kitchen with me. It was a warm and happy feeling. 

Then the little alarm on my phone reminded me of the time. "Man down-Roger"   Oh no...I want to take that off my phone and yet I can't seem to. It is Monday again. This is my 8th Monday without him.  It seems like yesterday and it seems like forever and it seems like I am still in an other-worldly time warp.  I have green tomatoes for frying, and yet no one to fry them for. 

Roger's Lesson in all of this might be to embrace the simple things. Who would have thought that green tomatoes would bring up such warm memories? It is the ransom, little things in life.  Those are the blessings that God gives us if we only allow it. It is also the little things that create warm memories if we stop to embrace them. I hope he knew how much I enjoyed preparing foods that he loved, even if I did not know if they tasted good or not.   I love that he loved the simple things. 

Fried Green Tomatoes. 

And it's not about a movie.