Day Trips

July 30, 2015

It was another early morning. Blood work - labs. That means that I have to be careful what I eat before I go in, and that I better eat something when I get out - or I will be flat on the floor.

I guess the DD down on Kaley was not all that busy at 4:30 in the morning when Roger stopped in, but it surely was too much for me.

On the drive back home though, I kept thinking about cruellers. French Cruellers. Roger introduced me to them a long time ago. Oh. My. Goodness.

I'm not a particular donut fan, unless you put a French Crueller in front of me.


So....as I drove west on the ole 408, all I could think of was the morning day trips we would take on his days off, and how they always started with a stop at DD - for his coffee and old fashioned donut and my hot tea and French Crueller. Sometimes two.

Sweet memories. I made it in and out of DD without undue stress and for the most absurd moment shortly after, there I was driving along boo-hooing like a baby!  I realized that I had just passed Health Central and noticed the new emergency room they are building.

What makes these things come over you anyway? I pass that hospital all the time now and life goes on, but today, it was just overwhelming - it was like living that day all over again. I don't even know what brought it on, but once again, God brought me through it and I somehow managed to make it to my turns without hitting anything. Tears stinging in the eyes makes driving a bit tough!

Roger's Lesson:  Memories come up and you have to take control. You can let the sad moments pass if you determine to think of something wonderful that God gave you that will fill the void. 

I knew it....I could almost hear him say it. And yes, I did. I thought back of those DD days and those day trips, and how that period of time in our lives was the start of something more wonderful than I ever would have imagined. God's blessings still far exceed the pains.

Maybe, day by day, bit by bit, I am figuring it out.
I do keep trying.

Tending

July 28, 2015

For some reason I awoke with energy this morning. My doctor said that would happen on August 1 or shortly thereafter.  I am going to call this a blessing from God because the energy came a few days early. 

I mean, it HAS to be from God....it was EARLY in the morning!  I was up and moving before good ole Chief even realized it was daylight!

It is not even 10 AM and I feel like I have done about as much as I typically do in the space of a day! WOW!  I like this. And yes, I will power nap. I don't want this feeling to go away!

As I reflect back on the last few hours, stepping from my tidy and dreamy bedroom and passing through the garage to get ready for the good ole Waste-Pro guys........ahh.....bliss changed to UGHHHHHHHH AGHHHHHHHH.....pretty quickly.

How very quickly I had forgotten that garage sale prep was going on in my recently tidied up garage.

But, this too shall pass, and I really would not trade it for the world. You see, one of the joys of living very near your children and grandchildren is that grand ideas can pop up at just about any ole time.

I'm not quite sure how creating a gift wrap center in order to conquer the closet overload actually turned into "let's have a garage sale....look, more stuff!"..... but the kiddos are doing it and my only sacrifice is the garage for a few days.  I love it even better because we have a party to attend at the end, which means......THERE IS AN END!

It is amazing to me how much stuff we accumulate in such a short span of time. Things will be a lot lighter at 315, but there is still so much more - and yet, it is used, and often. Incredible actually.  I will forever stand in amazement of how Roger came into a marriage with precious few items of clothing and not much more stuff than his beloved painting of John Kennedy - then he lived another 42 years, full - rich - blessed - living fully, and exited with not more stuff than he came home with.   Does that mean that for 42 years that he just bought stuff for ME?     (I do not that was the problem. He bought gift cards once they were invented - and vacations)

I also find it remarkable that when I tote stuff off to Goodwill - or call for a pickup from my other fav - TMA's New to You (they pick up) - that within a few hours, I don't even remember what left.  Boy - we need all that stuff, don't we?

The most fun I have had in this past 'organizational blitz' though, is the interaction of my loved ones in the process. The sorting, the purging. Not just Juci pulling it out, organizing it, and putting it back.

I asked Emily what she was going to do about her closet when I was gone. (some how I must have said 'expired' at some point for they recently started using that term too)  She did not want to talk about it, but I said that we always have to be prepared, so she thought and said....."well, I guess I'll have to figure it out, but for now, I like when you do it. Can we play a game?"

Jacob on the other hand, is perfectly fine with Juci coming to college occasionally - or often - to organize him. He told me that it would not embarrass him a bit.

Well - it is nice to be needed!

I was headed in a different direction, I think, because I posted a plant photo. I was thinking about my garden, and listening to Hector on the tractor. Lovely!  I guess that will be for another day.

Roger's Lesson:  You like to tend to things. You always have. Your garden is nice but souls need tending more than plants do.  Collect, if it gives you joy, but purge the excess often. Don't let stuff consume you. Tend to those souls you love first and always. It means so much more. 

Yes. The garden dirt and sweat (liquid fat, a dear student calls it)  have been washed away and the lavender has refreshed and relaxed this now achey body - but I would not trade this feeling.  So often, God speaks most clearly when I am in the garden.

Next up, snack, power nap and then to see what additional blessings God brings my way today. Keep your eyes open....God is here in the most mundane and ordinary things of life.

To Do Lists

July 25, 2015

Is it really possible that it has been six weeks since I have posted? Six weeks with lots of changes, unexpected changes.

Thoughts have been swirling in my head every day. God still impresses me with thoughts pertaining to the most ordinary of things. He shows me how extraordinary the little things in life really are.

Writing? I don't know why I stopped. Somehow I think that I lost myself in the whirlwind of life. Somehow I started thinking that I 'needed to get things finished' - though there was no impending need to do so.
Somehow I just let myself get distracted whenever I sat down.

Tired-ness.  Oh there is a whole new level of tired-ness when they use the word 'fatigue.'

Actually, I thought that one was behind me for a while.

That changed on June 11.  X-Ray results.  Cancer on the vertebrae needed to be addressed. I have such a great Doctor ( Radiation Oncologist) - and he is not only patient, but he explains things so that the simple-minded can even understand. He uses visual imagery when he talks. I can see what he is saying and then I can understand.

Big trip planned to Nashville - so he made the treatments work. Actually, God delivered. There were exactly 15 days between my appointment and my departure flight and when things 'worked out' - I knew immediately that it was nothing but the Hand of God in action.

This round was not quite the breeze that I expected it to be. Fatigue - what a word.  Some days it felt like comatose meant more energy.   Ah, but he told me...'this too will pass.'   And it is.

In those early days, when I spent a bit too much time fretting about the 'new cancer' - God continued to give me times of calm and relaxation. He continually reminded me in the silliest of ways that He had not forgotten me and that He was still quite at work.  As I rested, and waited for my doctor to compare MRI results from both January and June, that peace that passes all understanding began to return.

But, in my head, there I went again - with the lists. Those things I 'needed to complete' before my departure.  Talk about voices in your head. Even when you think that you have this amazing power to overcome it, they still are so strong at times.  Maybe I just have too much of a need for order - and completion.

But the good news is that God once again provided me with good news. The cancer we were attacking in June was not 'new cancer.'  It was on the MRI in January and the radiologist (hospital) who wrote the report was not as thorough in his description as he could have been.

Boy, if ever there is a lesson here, I think it is called 'attention to detail.'  Isn't it amazing what the chain reaction can do when just one person is lax about one moment on their job.  All that stress.

And yet, even with the stress, growth occurs - as well as an ever greater realization that I can't do this alone and I can't even begin to project this path - and the twists and turns that might occur. I can't - but God can. And He was never fretting, never trying to figure it out, never resting on the job.

What a comfort!

So, six weeks later, I am almost out of the 'recovery' period of 'post radiation.'
I have been to Nashville - and back - without undue trauma.
I had a great week with the best young grandson this old gal could ever hope for.
Though I feel like the fluids are increasing, I am really working hard not to fret, for God is not surprised and He will just handle it - and prepare me as well, for what comes next.

In many little ways, He has shown me that I need to keep writing. I still don't know why. I feel much more comfortable with a paintbrush in my hand.

Roger's Lesson:  Sometimes God just gets you out of your comfort zone. Go with it. It might take you somewhere that you never expected. 

Yes - Six more weeks without Roger here with me. I don't think I will ever get used to it.

I'm thankful though that six months out, I am still fighting - but not because I can do it on my own, oh no - not at all! In January, we didn't have much idea that I would see summer. The heat is tough, but I am actually embracing summer.  I'm also pushing to enjoy fall - and winter - and then some more.

I have family and friends who don't let me give up - but they do remind me all the time to rest. Rest this old body - let it heal.  Always my challenge, I know.

When you are a do-et, resting seems such the impossible task.

And yet - with God, nothing is impossible.  Not even writing, even when you have no idea why you are doing it or why anyone would want to read it.

God is just remarkable like that. You never know what is coming next.
Now - rest, for Sunday is coming and there will be another great message from our Pastor - and more exciting than that....we are studying Revelation in Life Groups.    Hard to understand, to be sure, but I LOVE the end of the book.
It is what makes the challenges so worth the fight!