Something New?

June 8, 2015

Sometimes it is best to just NOT go surfing around the internet to try to figure out what all of the medical terms mean. Sometimes - most times - it is better to just pray and then trust.

My outlook is pretty positive. Our days are numbered - for all of us - the interesting part is the journey and the decisions we make until that final day.

God has blessed and placed me with such amazing doctors. I feel confident in their decisions. They do not feel threatened if I suggest another opinion, nor if I ask way too many questions.

When preparing for, and being very still during the latest MRI, I asked God to let them see everything that they needed to see - and more than that, to reveal clearly anything that needed to be revealed, whether it was something they previously missed, or if it was something new.

Generalized prayer requests don't work for me. I guess I talk too much. But - God answered, just like He always does.

Sometimes the answer is not what we really want to hear, but it is the answer we need to hear.

The result was a spot on my spine that really needed attention. I could 'wait and see' or I could deal with it. Failing to deal with it might mean that the vertebrae could compress. I know lots of people with those herniated discs and they do not like them. I would rather not go there, so I am thankful that God revealed something that could be dealt with before something worse happened.

Was this here before? I don't know. Is it a new growth? I don't know that either. I guess it does not really matter at the moment. First up - set up more radiation. Get that joker!

So, here I sit, eagerly planning a little trip out of town and now this.
Yes....this is more important. But - the neat thing is that God must see both as important because BELIEVE IT OR NOT - there are just enough days between now and my flight to get the job done!
And I mean ....EXACTLY...the right amount of days!    Only God can arrange this kind of stuff.

And the internet searches? Oh my, they are mostly discouraging - these forums I believe they are called. Once in a while you run across one person that is super encouraging and says things like ---
* PLEASE do not read statistics - you are not a statistic
* PLEASE pay attention to what you put in your body - help it out - give it good stuff
* PLEASE keep the faith for it is the only thing that makes the journey worth the fight.

Roger's Lesson:  Yes, the last one is what he would have said every day - Keep the faith, keep fighting, keep believing that God has more living for you to do, but pay attention to what you focus on.

I know that Roger would have been my biggest cheerleader. I am equally confident that he would not have been shoving green liquids at me though. He would suggest steak every night! Good protein, sweetie!  

But, I like to chew my greens and I do eat mostly healthy  - though like anything I have my weak moments too. One thing God has richly blessed me with is many many cheerleaders who inspire me, encourage me, and have the most positive outlooks - and they pray specifically for my needs. And that is just the most incredible thing.

Today I scanned those statistics and said - eh. God's got this.
For the long or the short of it - God's got this figured out already so my energies can be used elsewhere.

My purpose that I want to see fulfilled?
Most days I question that too.  I hope it has something to do with encouraging others in the faith.

If I live with this stuff every day for the rest of my life, that's ok - as long as I don't give up the faith that is so precious to me. We all live with something - and most of the junk we live with, we do to ourselves in one way or another, I suppose.

And God's statistics are the only ones I really care about, though I do hope He has numbered quite a few more days on my life calendar!

I can't seem to choke down the green liquids, but I will go eat some fresh berries.
I'll look at the whipped cream can, but skip it this time.

Just Marvin

June 3, 2015

It was hard on my back, but I got to do something that I don't get to do so often lately. I baked some cupcakes and decorated them for a very special man.

Of course, he won't see them, nor taste them.  He is seeing Jesus and tasting glory. He lived a really great and interesting life. He was one of my WWII heroes.   Everyone I ever meet who fought in WWII is my hero in some way.

These veterans fought hard for freedom and many have lived long, but they are passing too quickly.  They become those WWII statistics. Daddy was one. Papa was one. Marvin is one.

But they are far more than statistics to those who knew them.
Unique among these vets is that they went out and did a job, rather quickly too, as wars go in contemporary history.  They had a mission and it had to do with eliminating evil - and quickly.  They stayed focused. They got the job done so they could go home to their families. They kept the evil 'on the other side of the pond.'

And we should all be grateful.

They did not have to deal with social media, or too many non-military elected officials trying to call the shots. Lucky them.  It is much harder for our guys and gals on the front lines today.

But they also did not call themselves heroes and actually denied it if someone else called them a hero.
That is a true hero. Someone who just does what needs to be done for the good of mankind.

During Marvin's Celebration of Life service, I learned a lot about him that I never knew. Isn't it interesting the way we never really know anything close to the 'whole picture' of a person's life until we attend their funeral. I guess that is normal, because we all cross paths in different ways and for different reasons.

I learned that while Marvin had a lot of interaction with the US Military during his career, he really only served in uniform for a short period of that long career. Yet, that is where we connected most. I guess that is because I have a special place in my heart for WWII Vets.  I am thankful for that connection.

Nurnberg is where/how we connected. I took a group of students to Germany a few years ago and he was always interested in those travels. He traveled all over the world during his career. He was one of Roger's 'watchers.'  Roger kept an eye on him every Sunday during church services, just in case he fell ill, or needed something.  Roger had his 'precious saints' that he checked on all the time.  He was always on the lookout for someone who might have a need. (Me? Pretty much oblivious....I know, sad to say - however it was really safer for those saints to not have me on-call.)

Nürnberg was a surprise stop during our trip so I did not get to 'study up' before departure, but I surely enjoyed taking it all in and chatting with Marvin when I got home.  He was stationed there.
My tour director grew up there when the American soldiers were still on peace-keeping patrol.
I think it is so fascinating that they likely were there at the same time!

You never know why someone crosses your path, but God does. You never know why you will have some random connection with someone, which draws them into your life - generally so you can learn something from them. And for me, I continued to learn, after he stepped into eternity.

Roger's Lesson:  Don't try to learn everything new for yourself. Learn from those who walked before you. God let you cross paths for a reason. And crossing paths - remember that when you were in 3rd grade and I was a firefighter with a friend down the street from your house - we probably crossed paths too - and didn't even know it. But God did. 

Yes, and that other saint - Marvin's sweet wife.  Without Roger watching over his aging saints - I would never have met her either. No one is going to replace Marvin, but then, no one really replaces anyone, for God made us each unique.  And those who walk through this life with that precious sweet spirit and confidence in their eternal destiny...... well, I will always think that they are the most irreplaceable of them all.

And I am so glad when I get the opportunity to learn from them.  The greatest thing Marvin taught all who knew him though - was not about the military at all. It was not about what you do or where you go or who you know on this earthly walk of ours.  It is about one relationship. One relationship this is more important than all others - and if you get that one right, it will be reflected in all the other things you do.

Yes, it is no wonder that Roger was so fond of Marvin. Common missions, common destinies!

And for Margaret - 72 years together, and now without Marvin. That will be hard to adapt to, but knowing He is well and whole and with Jesus will make it easier.

And I really liked the comment about God making him wait because He really did not need a remote controlled pearly gate.  Yes, I love that while we may not know everything about what Heaven will be like, it is just fine if we imagine it to be like the best of what we know on earth - and then a bazillion times better!

Eternal destiny - most important decision of your lifetime!

H2 View

June 2, 2015

It was one of those paperwork days, first of the month. And silence can often be deafening - and make you fall asleep.

So there is this wonder of all wonders called, TV. Digital input. There are just too many channels. Somehow I need to learn the Fine Art of 'favorites' so I can get it down to about 12 channels. That is more than enough.  I can't figure out the difference between HD and not HD anyway.

Guide. I know how to use that. All I wanted was something for background, not something I would tune into so deeply that I would be doing paperwork again tomorrow. H2.   I guess that means history.

Fascinating.  I can't find it now, but I think I stopped surfing on something called "Proving Jesus."  These shows are risky because the world view is not necessarily mine and a lot of it sounds like a lot of hooey anyway.  But, I gave it a shot. I could listen as 'background auditory" after all.

Roger had this show that he loved - I never can find it. It was called "Naked Archaelologist" and we watched it together all the time. It was a Jewish fella who would take one little thing and set out to prove it wrong - always something about the Bible. He would come up with all the ways to prove things wrong, then come out with never being able to prove it wrong.  It was quite interesting.

I did not listen to the shows today closely enough to know all of the background, but they appeared to do a similar thing - scientists trying to disprove things, yet not quite being able to disprove, even if they did not say that they could prove something.  Wide variety of topics too.

And this has carried on into the night. I am captivated.

One of the shows took passages from the Bible and explored how they would have been explained during the times in which they were being written. Often quite different from the way we interpret things today.  Very good food for thought.

I did come away being glad that I am not driven to be a scientist. Nor am I drawn to having to have everything 'proven.'  I am glad that some people are, for it made for much more interesting programming than what the networks run.

I also enjoyed a lot of what they talked about from the Middle Ages - Dark Ages - Renaissance, periods which I find fascinating anyway.

I also thought about what Roger would be saying had we been watching together.

Roger's Lesson:  All of this information is fascinating. You should want to know everything you can about Jesus and His life and His teachings. BUT don't stop at knowing about Him. You'll miss it all that way. Be sure you know HIM.  It's not the knowledge, or the religious beliefs that are the most important. It is the relationship.   Without that, you've really got nothing. 

And I totally agree. I love the learning, but I love the knowing so much more.  And as much as I know that I have to tend to the paperwork (which I did not finish,) I know that He has so much more to teach me than a pile of papers ever will.

And as much as I resist the resting, I know that is where I find Him - every single time.

When you need to heal, embrace the rest periods. And don't waste that opportunity to know more about, and to Know, Christ.  Best blessing ever!

Results

June 1, 2015

You place it on the calendar, and you wait. Sometimes the waiting seems like an eternity. This time, I decided to just let it be a date on the calendar, yet another in the long line of doctor's appointments.

It was over a week between the test and the results.  Remarkably, I did not stress this time. I did not spend time wondering, or fretting. I just trusted.
We - so many family and friends, and many whom I do not even know - have asked God's favor regarding my health. We have prayed specifically for Him to place a hedge of protection around organs, brain, marrow, spinal cord. We have prayed that He will show Himself more powerful than this thing called "cancer."  Indeed, we have not allowed it to be called 'the big c" for we know that if anything - anyone is BIG, it is God and that the BIG C,  is Christ.

It has been a remarkable journey. Today - the results.  Today, I felt pretty great walking into that office, very little pain and very isolated at that.  My doctor is just wonderful, he has this OCD level that I just LOVE! Attention to detail - and he explains things in normal person language. God blessed us with him. A perfect match with my Oncologist!

So - what did the tests say? He said the X-rays looked good. (I thought so too, but I had no clue what I should be looking for!)  Of course my bones still need attention - basically my walking stick will be my friend for a couple of more years. It is that balance thing. Watching out for weight bearing, not pushing things when I feel tired or too achey, paying attention to walking surfaces. Yes - paying attention. He said that it is the little things, the normal things in life that will take you down and delay the healing, so pay attention where you step.  (use those handicap curb-less crossings, stay off the stairs, don't ride bikes)  

The cancer - he smiled. He indicated that 'he got it' - which I am sure makes him feel like it was a great day to come to work.

Does that mean that every cell is gone? Not likely. I have already been told that this is a game, including a mind game, and that cancer cells are smart and you have to stay ahead of them. Not curable, but manageable, they call it.

That is ok. He said 'walking stick for two years' - back in January, we were thinking this journey would be only months.  I'll take two years!

Roger's Lesson:  Go ahead and take those two years and use them well, but also believe for more. Believe you'll be here, with or without that walking stick, at 90.  God numbers your days, so live each one, one at a time, each one for Him - and it won't matter if it is 9 days or 90 years.

And that is what I have determined to do.  Of course, I still don't love the days when I seem to crash and do nothing much but rest for the day, yet, those days seem to come after I have had a very full day.  I don't let that bother me as much these days.

I've also stopped fretting or even having too much of an opinion on the way the world - mankind- is making such a mess of what God created.  Some days it seems like those wonderful trumpets and the exciting happenings in the Eastern Skies will take place momentarily - and then other days, it seems like just another ordinary day.

But our days are not meant to be ordinary. If we can't be out there on the front lines of what ever we feel like we are supposed to be doing, I have found that it is very very effective - and likely, most effective - to use that quiet and restful time God has offered, to just pray for others and their needs.  Needs are all around - people we know, and people we do not know. Here, and around the world.

And no matter where you find yourself - there is always someone in a far worse predicament.
So - I thank all of those who have been praying with me - for this is not something you fight alone.

I have also found that I hope the journey will be a long one, for that means that cancer will not have won, even if it is only managed but not cured.

But honestly - I still keep hoping that I will get to hear that trumpet sound  - and if it is only days or weeks or months away - that is fine by me too!

Yet,  I don't want to find myself just sitting around and waiting - I still want to be out there doing what God has left for me - fulfilling the purpose that only He determines - and the only one that really counts.

And today, I feel like God showed me that there still is so much more.  So many more days to know Him more, before I meet Him face to face.

It's been a really good day!