See the Need

This photo is not actually from this day in time, but it accurately reflects "our spot" on Food Truck Fridays. Town Hall beside us, food trucks in front of us, lots of friends and neighbors all around.  Tonight the weather was particularly lovely so it was PACKED. If it had even been light enough outside, you would not have been able to see the grass!

Tonight was the second anniversary of food trucks in town, and we hardly ever missed. Well, I missed if it was too hot and buggy, or too freezing, or wet. (But that is just me and my weather thing)


"Our" routine was perfectly planned. I would gather up the folding table and chairs on Friday morning and load them in the golf cart by early afternoon. Often Emily and I would bake cupcakes or little treats for our table.  Around 4 PM, well before the trucks arrived, Roger would hop on the cart and tote everything down to the appointed place and set it all up for us. Sometimes he would just sit and enjoy the happenings as the trucks started rolling in and setting up their generators. 

Sooner or later, we would all drift down there, hungry generally. Good old dad would hand out cash, to each of us, because it would be far to simple for everyone to order from the same food truck and have one person pay.  Ah, but it gets better....he would hold the fort and we would deliver to him some delicacy that half the time we could not even see by the time we were eating it. (Darkness would fall upon us).... friends would stop by and chat and the evening would pass too quickly....and most of the time everyone would fold up their own chair and tote it back to the golf cart for the trip home. 

Got that picture? Not so tonight! It was another first and we had NO plan. Were we there when the trucks arrived so we did not have to stand in an hour long line? Oh no!  Did we have a place to sit and even rest our flimsy plate? Oh no!  Did we think about how we were going to pay for our food? (Well, mom did....oh yes, I did learn something about the need for cash)
It was crazy and not at all the same as the last time we had food truck night with Roger. 

We even scouted around with neighbors to see who was going to now handle the table.  Want to take a guess how many positive offers were out there? Lots of laughs, but zilch, nada, none. Seriously people!  Where is this servants heart of which we often speak? Roger showed it to us all the time!

Oh this family...we are a mess!  If Roger was looking down on us tonight he was probably rolling with laughter. He probably wonders how we are going to figure anything out, and poor Jacob....by default he is probably going to have to take on that servant role when it comes to food truck night. 

I must admit though...we did find one with a servant's heart in the crowd. Unfortunately he lives in Texas and is rarely in town on Food Truck Night. But he was willing!  

What's the lesson here?  I suppose it is that we had better keep on laughing because we are such a mess that we might as well laugh about it. But we probably also should remember to look around and "see the need" (Jim says that all the time).   And then don't wait on someone else to see the need and help, just see the need yourself and jump right in. 

Surely did miss my table toter tonight. Sure, we made it without him, but it certainly was not the same without his fun and laugher. 

The MERGE.

A lifetime of fun! 

It's lunch break and I am ready. My OCD bug did not leave me overnight and my curiosity bug kicked in as well. 

Life gets busy and it is hard to put all of one kind of stuff in only one place, so this morning I started a game called MERGE.  

My living room is AHHHH! Well, if you ring the doorbell, you will think I have lost my mind!  I am actually enjoying the journey today, though enjoying does not really seem to be the word I am searching for. Let's say that I am not a ball of tears today.


Roger loved what he did for a career. It was more than a job to him. He could not have afforded to do it without the paycheck, but if he COULD have afforded that, he probably would have. As Karin said when we visited the Fire Station..."my Dad had the COOLEST job, ever!" 

I regret that I did not ask more questions. I said the same thing about my dad, and his dad regarding WWII.  I know a lot, but not nearly enough. Roger started his career at KSC with Apollo 15 - and enjoyed the STS (Shuttle Transport System) Era enormously! I believe he knew that thing inside and out and knew every building on the Space Center.  He could look at something and remember everything about it. Photographic memory, we called it.  FBI training, he called it. 

And yet, he acted like what he did and where he worked was just ordinary going to work kind of stuff. Well, no, it really wasn't. 

He loved history and politics too. I think he loved the excitement and the challenge of how to solve a really big problem if you had a really big 'incident' to command. And he cared a whole lot about  those who worked with and for him. He took their safety personally and would not expect them to take a risk he would not take. 

The only thing I ever saw that frustrated him was what he called "textbook officers'....meaning of course, that they thought they knew everything because they learned it in a book. He was Combat all the way, hands on, fully involved. 

Of course, I always had a fascination with the US Space Program as well. How could I NOT?  Because of that, his stuff is actually organized! I have spent the better part of my day refining that organization so that our children and grandchildren can better understand his world.  

I will forever enjoy the irony of Roger living in this high tech world with his hands-on, write it down,  TPA, AVO approach to his job. It's no wonder he made everyone laugh...and scratch their heads too, I'll bet! 

But his lesson, I think, would be to find a passion (people and fire trucks for instance) and then make it your career.  Surely he had stressful days, but mostly he had a whole lot of fun when he got into his older than dirt car and headed down that desolate road toward the coast. 

If you don't love your job today....MERGE something you do love into it! And be sure to love the people too! 

ROY G. BIV

It was one of those days when my mind was a mess. Perhaps it was the disorder around me, or maybe as I slowly awoke to the early morning light I did not ask God to turn each moment into a blessing, or maybe it was just one of those days. At the end of the day, thanks to friends (The Comforter, you recall) I did have a lot of laughter but oh my, throughout the day..so. many. tears.

It is always the little things. Mindlessly taking  my car in for service. The sadness of the sweet girl who had set up our service for over 2 decades. The memories of going to lunch and doing ordinary things after every service appointment. I forgot to log into my memory bank that through her sadness, her story of how Roger would wait in a long line just to let her set up his service made her feel so special.

Ah...it was one thing after another all day long. I think the reality was hitting that he was not off on a trip, but he really was not going to be with me for the rest of my journey on earth. Bam.

The grandkiddos were a wonderful distraction for me. Emily knew I was out of sorts and we talked about how we missed him, and then turned to the way he always made us laugh. That was probably as good for her as it was for me!

By the time I got home last night, I was still out of sorts, so what did I do...well, one who knows me pretty well would say..."she has something that needs to be done, so of course she is cleaning out her sock drawer!"   Ha! I do that. The 'sock drawer' is any little project that needs organizing that will take me away from anything I don't want to face up to doing. My house may look a wreck, but buddy, you can open any drawer or closet in my home and BE AMAZED!

I met ROY G. BIV many many years ago..as a teen, I imagine. He has been my friend ever since.  Check out Roger's shirts. ROY G. BIV.  (Actually, almost everything I organize is ROY G. BIV...or ABC) My closet became a dumping ground for anything I could not deal with two weeks ago. My closet is NEVER a mess.  So last night, with the chimes approaching midnight, out it came. Spring cleaning was on the agenda anyway, so I lightened the load. I knew I had to face up to one big project in the closet anyway,  and I was dreading it. But every time I entered, and this started in full force that fateful morning....his clothes, my loss, the tears!

By 2 AM I was in much better shape. I have his favorites in the closet and all of the excess has been moved elsewhere. I have a little part of him still here and I will deal again when I need to deal again, but I have order in this one little area of my being. And I go into that closet every morning, and guess what, this morning, it is already better.

The lesson from this teary day? I think it is to be sure you start your day asking God to point you to the blessings, do more listening than talking to Him, and do your best to keep your 'house' in order.
I have some more reflecting to do to be sure!

And this....it is ok to get rid of stuff. We have too much of it anyway, particularly in America.  Roger traveled lightly and it always frustrated him when his (modest but adequate) portion of OUR closet was too stuffed.  It is spring cleaning time, and we had already had the conversation about lightening the closet load.  Well, that is complete now, and I feel a lot better. And it actually was not like tearing him out of my life. It actually was like keeping the best of him in it! (Only his FAVORITE items remain!)

So today...take 15 minutes and clean out a sock drawer. It will really help to clear your head. And you don't have to turn your whole life upside down to do it.  In a way, when you remove the stuff of your life, you have a whole lot more room for God to work in your life.

And that is the kind of day I hope to have today.

Words and Hugs

Sixteen days into this 'new normal' and it was actually a very good day. The 'firsts' are always hard, so the 'first time' I returned to TMA  http://mastersacademy.org  was bound to be emotional. I mean, the great friends I have over there have laughed and cried together for years and the bonds are strong. 

It was probably the first time I had EVER made that long drive over in silence. I thought of the days when TMA was 'born'...oh that vision, and Roger totally supported it. It was really the vast unknown we were venturing into.  In many ways 'she' is like another child to us, so I will never stop caring about the people and students over there, even though I don't see them often anymore. I thought of all the activities with our girls 'back in the day'...with rented facilities and portable classrooms, moving with Tiger Dan, and how we all pitched in to get any job done, even janitorial and landscaping. 

I thought of times when we moved to the new campus in Oviedo. Our girls had graduated by that time, but Roger was still there ~ driving band trucks, moving stage sets after shows, loading or unloading my art displays ~ and as I heard today, encouraging at least one very special coach when his basketball teams were up against all but impossible odds.   "Roger would tell me that we could do it, this is possible, get out and take control....and I would walk away feeling great, as if this really was possible."   (or something to that effect, if it wasn't the exact quote)    And though I heard similar wonderful stories over the past couple of weeks, for some reason, today I was out of some of the numbness and shock and actually caught the look of reminiscing...almost as if he were there talking with Roger at the time. It was very special for me. 

Tracy met me as I arrived on campus. Nice surprise, because she did not know I was coming. She welcomed me into her special club...what?  Oh, those who have lost a loved one instantly and unexpectedly. Tracy knows. She has lived it and she came out on the other side positive and encouraging and always knowing that God is in control. I thank God that he put Tracy in my life...and I am thankful for that day that she asked if I had ever painted black skin and challenged me to do it. Through it, I challenged myself and achieved something I had always wanted to do, and had the great privilege of painting a portrait of a godly man who served our country well.  
Tracy is not the only person I know with a similar experience, but she is my TMA gal! 

Friend after friend showed concern, and maybe even shock that I was upright. Words just flowed with encouragement and care. It means so much, what words and a hug can do.  And students, oh my goodness, precious students!  This is hard for most people because death is not a great subject to be talking about. But students - aren't they just too young to have to be dealing with this subject? Unfortunately, no.  How do you handle it? What do you say? 
Hey...I have certainly been there...better to say nothing than to say something wrong....well, not really. I would say...better to offer a smile, a greeting, a hug, and say nothing...or say anything.  Platitudes, no, but just knowing that you care...just, wow.   I will be different from now on,  at least I hope I will.

I knew that hugs and endorphins went together so I did a little checking. Some people have an aversion to hugging. Some people like that 'hula hoop of personal space' around them. Some people are all about hugs - they must be super tactile. Now, for students, I see a need for the 6 inch rule - young hormones and all - but for most people, hugs are pretty healthy. Check this out...

THE BENEFITS OF HUGGING
-More upbeat moods
-Reduces Heart Stress, lower heart rate, creates a calming effect. 
-Lowers blood pressure
-Increase nerve activity
-Reduce levels of cortisol(stress hormone) if longer than 20 sec.
-Increases feelings of security, trust, healing, self worth, happiness and appreciation
-Increase levels of oxytocin, reduces cortisol
-Boosts the immune system, stimulates the nervous system.
-Builds self esteem
-Alleviates tension and releases endorphins
-
-It is portable and does not cost a thing! 

So...how does hugging make you feel? How often o you hug someone? How often does someone hug you?

Well, I had well more than the crave level of 13 hugs today. And today was a VERY GOOD DAY!

If you haven't hugged someone today, why not try now for at least 10 seconds
And then double that tomorrow.

Side hugs are ok too! 

Travel, really?

Southern France on the Mediterranean

It seems completely absurd that I would be getting up this morning and thinking about getting on an airplane with a group of teens and heading to Europe.  No, I am not doing that today, but I am planning that today.  We posted the trip last Friday and by yesterday 15 had already signed up. Travel is good for kids. It is good for everybody. Roger loved to travel, though in the past years he has wanted to stay close to home.  I'll have to ponder that one.   He had many many great trips to Africa (Senegal, Morocco...Atlas Mountains...camel riding.)  We were talking about a trip to Poland and Romania, home of his ancestors...'when he retired'...which I have recently learned was going to be never.
But, for some reason, God placed in a such a location that I could travel with students. And even though retired, the school still lets me do it. Wonderful place, that TMA! I look at it as God's plan and when I step back and look at the big picture of things  - you know, the way God has a view of our lives - I can see that He was preparing me to have things to do without Roger. I don't really like that without part, but I did go and return and weirdly enough this past trip was the one and only time in my adult life, when I went to the airport without him.  He had been on vacation for a month and had his annual physical his first shift back, on the exact date of my departure.
I'll always miss that he took me to the airport - and he was there to greet me when I returned, even though he stepped back and let the parents of all those darling kids say hello first, he stepped out and grabbed my bags!  Man...I am so tearing up right now.

It's the little things. The just being there. The encouragement to spread my wings and fly. Solo, if needs be.  He really was the 'wind beneath my wings.'  

Boy, this old gal is having a tough morning, but just like the rain clears and the sun comes out...when I see those young faces at school and their excitement about travel, I will be in a place where I can thank him for being my encourager.  

Lesson - encourage someone today. Even if you like to be the star on center stage (which he did not like) just step outside of yourself and find someone else who needs to be challenged and encouraged.

Good lesson. Thanks Roger!

Tabebuia

Tabebuia - you know how to pronounce this, right?

This is the tree that announces springtime in Florida. Yes, it may be snowing elsewhere and the old groundhog may insist it is still winter, but in Florida, we follow the Tabebuia!

Also called the Golden Trumpet tree, we are going to begin to call it Roger's Homecoming Tree. Celebration of Life Tree. Golden like Heaven's Streets Tree. 

And we hope to plant one where Roger stepped into Heaven. 

Interestingly, Roger had said to someone on shift on Sunday, that if the trumpet sounded, he was ready to go...and even if it didn't sound, he was ready.  I know that sounds kind of eerie, especially if you happen to be reading this and do not happen to have that earthly journey/heavenly home perspective on life....but Roger did.  Kind of wish he had told me he said that when he came in on Monday morning. We would have rejoiced together, I'm sure, but I am just as sure that I would not have thought it meant "today." 

Trees are cool. They provide shade, protection, food for little birdies and bees, and beauty. We picked this tree for Roger because it really reminds us of him.  TRUMPET - being ready all the time. (TPA  Think Plan Act, you know)  GOLDEN - Ah, streets of gold in heaven...the Bible says.
BEAUTY - he was a simple guy, but he did like beauty and nature, but not in a crazy over the top kind of way. Actually, he believed that God made it all...so much so, that if I asked him to prune a tree, he said "if God wanted the limb on the ground, He would drop it and I would pick it up".

Most of all though...this tree flowers in FEBRUARY. It only flowers once, then it drops its blooms and the leaves come out. It does not look so attractive in the dead of winter though, all barren and scrawny.  But...you  know what...life is like that. Without Christ....all barren and not so attractive, empty... but with Christ...alive, beautiful...and just waiting for those trumpets to sound so we can hit those Golden Streets and finally see Jesus.   JUST WOW!     

Lesson....just be ready. Ready for trumpets to sound, or not. Just ready to see Jesus. 

Swing On

Solitude, but not the same.

Roger had simple tastes. He traveled lightly in that he did not hang on to much 'stuff.' Yet, he always seemed to have what he needed should an emergency arise. 

I remember the day his swing fell apart. Oh goodness, it was a bigger stress than anything that had come his way in a long long time. The ONLY swings available at the 'big box stores' were four foot swings. We could NEVER have that! His limb was all set up for a five foot swing. He searched and searched, for weeks, I think, until he found a place on the side of the road that sold sheds, gazebos, and of all things SWINGS! He snapped that five foot baby up so fast that it made my head spin! But, he was a very happy man as soon as he had it attached to his special chains. STRESS RELIEF!  I determined from that day onward that we would always have a swing in the camphor tree, come hail, hurricanes, squirrel chews or even that green stuff that grows in shady places.   

From Roger's swing on the corner, under the tree, he could analyze the world, solve problems big and small, and sit for hours! He cheered on the runners and walkers, chatted with neighbors, reviewed the sports stats with those who cared...and greeted every child that came by. Early morning? Coffee and paper...in the swing. Sunset...enjoying the breeze off the lake. (You could find me out there when it was not too hot, or too cold, or too buggy...as in gnats and skeeters....he always thought I was kind of weak.)  We had good times in that olde swing.  Our children and grandchildren have fond memories of swinging the afternoon away with him. 

We used up the last of the rose petals from the cross (see former post) and various floral arrangements and  sprinkled them on and around Roger's swing. I'm looking forward to the day when I can actually go out and sit a while. Right now, I'm not quite ready. The tears are still too close to the surface. I will want to feel him there and it just won't be the same to just know he was once there. 

Roger and his swing...almost one and the same. But...it was more than a swing....it was about life and people. I guess that was what he was teaching....everything is about people. Chill, relax, don't stress. 

I'll get out there one day.....because it is not too cold now, and not at all buggy, but I will have to do it before it gets too hot.  Besides, he might not know it was me if it I were there in any kind of 'other than perfect' weather.   

Perhaps I had better hurry. 

Face to Face

I'm generally pretty careful about what I click on when I am on a computer, but I took the plunge this morning, based upon the fact that it was linked to a friend I trust. It made me laugh, but really think too. Roger sent me a lesson reminder. 
Take a look

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/83896348/

OK...now, what did you think?  As far as I know, other than sending (or mostly forwarding) emails (after multiple forwards because he did not know how to copy and paste) Roger did not use social media. In fact, he found it rather annoying.  "What are you doing on that computer?"  Often I was reading posts while he was tuned in to "World at War" (He knew EVERYTHING about the War in Europe..WWII Allied Forces vs Axis)   But I would put it down when he wanted to talk. He liked eye contact and interacting with people. Even though he lived in a technological world at work, he never really had a use for it. He let others handle it for him (empowering, he called it)  
Nope...texting was rude as far as he was concerned, and he was really not a Mr. Etiquette kind of guy either.  A guest had Thanksgiving with us once, a guest of a daughter, and of all things was TEXTING under the table, DURING DINNER. Faux Pas! Good thing that one was not a 'bring home to meet the parents kind of guest'.... there would have been serious problems on the home front! 

That little clip is funny, but it reminded me of a lesson I can stand to improve upon. I tend to enjoy the people I know and let God bring people into my circle. Roger went outside his circle and welcomed others in. 

Lesson: Meet people where they are...face to face.  Put away the gadgets when you come face to face with a real live person. 

I will try! 

Preparation is the Key

TPA - Safety First - Be Prepared

It has been two weeks. I knew that this was a day when I had to stay busy. Why waste a day crying? And then there is the headache. 

Stuff was crowding in on me. I am a person who needs order around me before I can get to things like paperwork. And there is plenty of paperwork! So, I drifted today. It was like ADHD..on steroids! 

Somehow I ventured over to Roger's car. I thought I was ready, but I was wrong. But even in this, there is humor.  Roger was ready for the most absurd of emergencies. It is no wonder he always wanted a little car. The stuff in his trunk ate up a lot of gas efficiency! 

If he ran into someone on a bike, he could take care of them! Got a flat? No problem. Stuck in the sand? Flat rate boxes can help! Overheated car, or just thirsty ~ water will do the trick.  He had tools that only Tim the Tool-Man Taylor would understand.  And yes, on the back seat and in the seat pocket...good ole TP. "You NEVER want to run out of that stuff!"     You might think he had traveled to the dark reaches of a third world country or something. 

And he had every type of glove you might imagine. He could even handle a fire with some of this babies! 

I just had to laugh, because the organization involved in that trunk ALL came from me. And I already knew WHY he had all of the stuff...and I laughed when he told me too!  

But, I can say that I never really wanted for anything, and he was on the spot if ever anyone were hurt or injured. I can't speak so much about his home repairs, but that's for another day. They are funny fixes though! 

What was today's lesson? There were MANY today, so I could write a few posts. But this one...like a the Boy Scouts of old, BE PREPARED.  You never know who God is going to place in your path and what they are going to need.  

I needed the humor this morning, because when 4:30 rolled around, it was pretty tough. My journey of the day landed me right smack at the corner of 1st and Main and 4:30. Go figure that!  I miss him, and I really miss his laughter.

The Rose Withers

Just short of two weeks ago, the flowers in my life were on a bush, needing pruning actually. Since that time, the house has been filled with the beauty and fragrance of flowers. The house looked like a florist shop!

They ended up at my house last Saturday afternoon, about this time. We learned in 2011, when daddy died,  that Woodlawn removes all flowers about the time that the last car leaves the cemetery. For love...and money, what are they thinking? How hurtful when the family returns later in the afternoon to find a barren grave. So insensitive!  

Someone happened to ask me if they could take flowers to the house and I suppose that I agreed. (I'm not sure what I said on that particular Saturday) Good decision, however!  

I have been distracted all week with re-creating floral arrangements as flowers withered. It reminded me over and over again that the grass withers and the flowers fade, but God's love (and grace and provision....) will be with me forever. 

Emily asked me this morning how long flowers last...a few days, said I. We counted...wow...ours made it a lot longer. I kept moving the roses around and caught most of them before they leaned over. They are bundled and hanging upside down to dry. Lovely. 

This amazing rose covered cross could not dry because the stems were too short, but I had it resting on my countertop, flat, all week. Oh the fragrance, oh the great reminder that Christ not only died so that we might live..eternally...but that He was right beside me in this journey. 

Today was pancake morning with the kiddies. After we had a clean kitchen again, I decided to separate myself from the roses...flowers do fade, you know. Brainstorm...(gotta observe and these things come to you...thanks Jessica Underwood)

Sugar, rose petals, coconut oil......SUGAR SCRUB! 

The rose oils will infuse and before long Roger's girls will have luxurious rose oil sugar scrub! (Jacob too!) 

Lesson....we may think natural things (that means humans too) wither and die and that's it. But we are wrong...the soul lives on...and if you are wise, you'll want yours to live on in Heaven. There's only one way there, according to Christ. ....and that sweet fragrance, oh what it must be in Heaven....and now, I have the sweet fragrance of those who loved Roger, and us...and it will linger! 

Thanks friends!

Sugar Scrub. We can hardly wait to use it! 

Pure Happiness, Abundant Joy

I just think this says enough on it's own. Hopefully it is large enough so that it can be read. Created by one of the firefighters at KSC/CCAFS (the Cape), it captures Roger really well.
He is looking at us from Heaven, we have the assurance that he is at peace, in the arms of Jesus. He told someone only Sunday (the 9th) that if the trumpet sounded he was ready, and even if it didn't he was ready. Wow, how many of us can say that on any given day? 
Fallen firefighters are pretty special to firefighters, so those lining the streets to welcome him, are of course, firefighters, many from 9-11/Twin Towers, but I bet many of his buddies as well. 
Roger had nicknames for EVERYONE and would generally call you by that name. It did make it difficult for me when reading names on badges though! NASA does not include nicknames on badges! 
I love the architecture in 'heaven'....some kind of looks like Disney, one of his favorite places on earth. I hope there is a green moon up there somewhere. He knew he was in love when we rode past the green moon in the Peter Pan ride! 

This piece of art brings me peace. The love and care that went into it's creation, well, I could not have done it at the time, that's for sure! I love the look on his face...just plain happiness. That is how I remember him. 

What is the lesson? I think it might be that life has its' ups and downs, its' stress and relaxation. It offers all kinds of positive and negative feelings and emotions, but essentially, it comes down to how you deal with things...and people. No one owes you happiness. Joy is not something to be bought, or earned, or something to which you are entitled. The only real joy comes in having a personal relationship with Christ, and through that you find happiness.  And with the look I see on his face in this image, with the happiness he is experiencing right now, he wouldn't come back if he could. 

Boy, he's going to be sooooo missed, but I am so blessed to have been a part of his heaven on earth. 

Technological Absurdities

This was Roger's vehicle. The 'Chief's truck' - look for them in the city where you live. Roger was the Incident Commander when he was on shift and on a call. He was the one who had the bird's eye view of the scene, knew the location of every firefighter, and guided them in getting the job done safely. (I guess that I knew this, but it was really interesting hearing a young firefighter explain it to us.) 

Notice the big ole cord hanging from the SUV.  That charged up all of the electronic equipment in that vehicle. And there was A LOT of equipment in that vehicle...this is NASA, remember. 

So here is the absurdity of it all...
Roger was close to the least-techy person I have ever known. In. My. Life. 
Recall that he used a pager for 10 years after they quit making them. He was offered a smart phone at work, but he chose to use his go-phone. 
We learned that he called for help to re-open his email numerous times daily, but he loved the intercom button! 
He knew about 6 computer related terms and used them often, but not necessarily in the proper context.

And yet he lived in a world of cutting edge technology when he was at KSC. 
He could command an operation that often saved millions, if not billions of dollars in high tech equipment. Wrap your brain around that one! 

This lesson is really clear to me.  
Surround yourself with people who are really good at things you don't want to do and empower them to do them....then you can continue to enjoy the simple life. — at Kennedy Space Center Fire Station #2.

The Fallen

It was not easy to add Roger's name to the list of fallen firefighters, but it was very meaningful to his shift...you could just tell. It was quite something to read the names on that board. I knew so many of them...by name, even if I did not know them well personally. Each one brought back a sweet memory of the friendship they had with Roger. The son of the firefighter who worked with Roger when Kristin was born, was on C Shift. I did remember his dad! 

They started this board sometime after 9-11 after they had moved into this new station (right on the shuttle runway)...thinking they would have a dozen or so names. It started with those who had a connection to a fallen firefighter from 9-11. As KSC firefighters became ill, retired, and passed on, their names were added. Roger missed the retired part, but he was number 92. UNBELIEVABLE!  

KSC is not one of those departments where you can just pop in for a visit. You need a special clearance. I hope the firefighters at KSC always remember that we loved them for watching out for Roger and caring for him so well. 

Perhaps the lesson here is....invest in people...don't do it so you will be remembered, but you will be....and remembered fondly too. It really is not just the stuff you do, it is who you are and how you care about the people around you.  

Roger's Toys

Aircraft Truck - Roger's toys are cool! 

Talk about making a tough job easier. Chief Rick Anderson gave us a tour of the station and we saw all of the really cool stuff that surrounded Roger every third day of his last 42 years.  How cool is this truck! It is an aircraft truck and carries enough water to fill a really huge swimming pool...and can go 70mph and not even slosh. They said it was an easy ride! The whole fire can be commanded from the cab. Gotta love technology and the people who create these things. Those tires are as tall as a 7 year old child! 

I realized today that there really are moments during this journey, when you can roll those tears away and really enjoy the stuff your mate found so interesting. I came away really appreciating the things he did that not only provided for us financially, but gave him such enjoyment.

The Lesson - I think Roger would say to find something you are passionate about and do it for a job...clearly for 52 years, firefighting did not seem like a job to Roger. He LOVED it!

NASA/KSC Fire Dept C-Shift

NASA/KSC Fire Dept C Shift

Today was one of those days where you just knew it was going to be a tough, snatch off the bandaid, and cry a lot days. We went to KSC to clean out Roger's locker. I have to admit though, when I saw Chief's (Rick Anderson) smiling face at the badging center, I knew we would be ok. Roger worked with an amazing group of firefighters and office staff. Wow...it is no wonder he could not get himself in gear to retire. Though I would much rather have visited under different circumstances, the love we felt from everyone there was so real.

How can you cry and ball your eyes out when you can tell that everyone around him really really loved him and was having as hard a time with the loss as we are. Talk about getting outside of yourself. Roger did that all the time.

Maybe that was my lesson for the day. Step outside of your own world. There is love all around. Thank you KSCFD C-Shift! — at Kennedy Space Center Fire Station #2.

Almost A Week

It is already Friday, but Thursday was a really good day. My Oldie Goldies keep me laughing and care so much. (Not unlike so many friends, by the way)....I am still so overwhelmed that so many people have been and continue to pray for us during this time. I am learning to spread it around much more than I ever have. Prayer received really does make a difference.

Today I added an artistic touch to a 5K project for the town. That was therapeutic. More news on the Windermere 5K later.

We "goodies" have a monthly lunch and we never really know who is coming. It is always fun to see who God brings together and we do our best NOT to schedule doctor's appointments on our Third Thursdays. The timing was perfect this month and I am so glad that it was another 'first' that I faced. We had friends young and old....I so enjoy the children of kids who were students at TMA. The generations expand! And we laughed.  If you don't have young people in your life - find some. If you don't hang with people who can make you laugh...and hopefully you make them laugh too....then change it up a bit at find some. Of course, that common bond we all have is Christ in us, and He makes ALL the difference! 

Later on....Emily baked cookies with me all afternoon and we made 'Ro-Ro's famous stew'. We planned to take his crock pot to the fire station. Firefighters can never have too many crock pots! And the lesson here is:  Never take a dish somewhere empty. And Roger would fill it to overflowing too! 

The registration form for the TMA Mediterranean trip is complete and should launch on Friday. I know...it was very weird to have overseas travel as a focus today, but continuing to move on, we must do...and those kids were waiting to sign up. There is so much for kids to learn in this big ole world that God gave us! 

Now it is time to sleep, yet I am restless. Friday brings an appointment to clean out Roger's locker at KSC. I am not quite sure that I am ready for this, but the girls seem to be, and so I shall support them. It is both heartbreaking and encouraging to think about seeing the amazing firefighters who made ⅓ of Rogers days so much fun. 

Maybe I will put on some makeup when I get up. Maybe it will stay on all day. Maybe this bandaid won't hurt awfully when I rip it off. First times....wow....lots of first times lately. Now sleep, those of you who are still up. I will be praying for rest for many as I drift off. 

Don't you love the photo of the cross. It was made entirely of roses, about three feet tall, and on a stand. The flowers/Woodlawn story is for another time, but suffice it to say that I am so thankful that someone suggested that we bring flowers home and we take them back later. (Woodlawn tosses them as soon as the guests leave) ...I placed this cross on my counter ...to be enjoyed for days!)

Blessings!

A Call for Prayer

I started copying texts and emails into a little leather journal that my sister gave Roger a couple of years ago. Yes, I had to live through, and copy the timeline of that day...much of it was a blur, so in a way, I am glad that I did not delete anything from my feed.  This I know, action was fast. My first responder would have been so proud of the actions that took place, the calmness, the swiftness. What you sow, you reap. He was never alone and I am forever thankful that the neighbor who stopped to talk was available to God at that moment. Angels in disguise, we call it. 

One thing was evident through the texts....call for prayer, messages of immediately responding to requests for prayer. Scripture. Love. Prayer. Wow....

I mean, we often THINK that we do that, but do we really.....our friends did what we were unable to do in the moment. You carried us through. How do I ever EVER thank you?

Stretching the Buck

"For my God has not given me a Spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind!"

Wow...so many thoughts swirling in my head this morning. Karin did a sweet thing for me last night. She set up this blog for me so I can put all of my thoughts and inspirations there, and not eat up everyone's feed. Also, all my "Lessons from Roger" can be in one place, kind of like my travel journal, which will be so much easier for looking back...I'm sure that will be needful in time.  Isn't technology GREAT?!

In my effort to find the 'new normal' I finally took a peek at the checkbook last night. I'm certain to have to find ways to stretch the buck...so to speak. And, WOW...the efficiency of government....NO Social Security deposit (Roger called it his welfare check). If you don't think the government knows EVERYTHING..... (I halfway expected this, because of handling daddy's affairs) It did make me ponder again though....if they (the govt) are this fast and accurate in this situation, how in the world is there so much fraud in SSA and Medicare and they don't know about it? 

But you know what...my Heavenly Father has got this one. He has given me a sound mind, and I can adapt. And I will not fear for tomorrow either, because He has already proven (actually, time and again) that He's got me in the palm of his hand. 

I woke up to a lovely sunrise, prayed for others who are hurting...and mostly prayed that they have a relationship with My Amazing Father in Heaven. Boy....I just do not know how people get through great loss without Him. I know the days of laughing all the time will return. I know the pain in my heart will eventually subside, but without The Comforter...in the faces of friends....I could not even get out of bed. 

Have a beautiful day! 

I'll put my blog up tonight...perhaps. And thanks for letting me share. Now YOU can decide if you want to tune in! ("iPhone lovers are saying YEA! My feed is freed up!")

When the Lights Go Out

If you knew Roger well, you knew that he believed in being prepared. For everything, but mostly for eternity. Light was important to him. Bright light. If 60 watts was good, 100 watts was better. The Congressional ban on the production of 100 watt INCANDESANT light bulbs threw him into a state of national emergency. We needed to plan for old age! He stockpiled! He was constantly changing bulbs, no light was ever out for more than 15 minutes in our house...well, unless a light went out on his shift. I never changed light bulbs. He had just done a light bulb check about two weeks ago. Last night my lamp worked. I was sitting beneath it before I went to bed last night. I even turn lights off, unlike him. This morning. Darkness. No light from my lamp! This morning I had to climb to the top of the closet and then CHANGE A LIGHT BULB. In almost 41 years of marriage...well, this was not my norm! But...I did it. I was able. It was a simple thing, but I made it through. God will get me through this if I can keep finding laughter and joy in the little things. Keep your eyes on the light today. The eternal light, the Light of the World. That matters a whole lot more than the kind of bulb you use, but in this home, we are prepared for incandescent for a long long time!

Or Mayonnaise

Roger wasn't much for fake anything. He would have said, though, that life was too short to leave off the mayonnaise. How often did I say "Would you like a little meatloaf with your mayonnaise?"   He was picky about mayonnaise though...it was Hellman's, period.  Oh, I low that I fussed too much about mayonnaise. 

But people, he did people well. Fake or not fake, friend or stranger, he just loved people. And he really respected people who were just plain old real...for the good or bad of it, just real. 

He always thought that if you could just be real..transparent...life would be so much easier.  And if you needed help, he felt it was so much easier TO help if you knew what you we're dealing with. You can't really disagree with that, and he handled enough emergencies that he would have known that old! 

Here's hoping that I can remember that I don't have to fly solo unless I determine to do it that way. Family and friends always want to lend a hand, if they know a hand is needed...or a hug. Roger was always a very present help in time of need It was not always that I needed someone to do for me, but his gift was clearly that of helps. He really lived what Christ taught.  In so many little ways. Those will be so missed! 

Morning Quiet

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. ... God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns." (Psalm 46:1-5 ESV). 

I keep waking up naturally at Roger's typical time. How very absurd, since I rarely woke up before the sun came up when he was with me. The quiet of the morning is precious right now, though I have to admit that the silence of this house is deafening. Punky Leonard Tolson has sent me random scriptures throughout my days this last week. Random, I say, yet every one was perfect, each time it popped up on my phone. This morning I was just scrolling through email. I read each one all week, but did not respond. Oh the volume. I am so blessed...and plan to write each message in a journal before I archive them. Roger would always say that if you don't know what to do, just go to The Bible. Thank you friends, for doing what I could not do in some moments...yet God was very close all week. How powerful it is to read scripture, how comforting, how encouraging. I am so blessed and plan to focus on that. It is far too easy to withdraw from life right now. Morning seems to be my toughest time, because Roger had such a morning routine. It is funny the way some of the little things that become annoying are the very things that you miss the most. Oh, If I could just hear him slam the kitchen door one more time. He never knew how to close a door softly. Today....find something that annoys you and think about what life would be like if the person providing that annoyance were missing from your life. Then give them a big ole hug.

Services

This is still so surreal and yet I feel so lovedand blessed. Did you ever wonder if you could actually 'feel' prayer. Trust me, it is possible. It is what is keeping me moving forward. I was wide awake at 4am This is Saturday and it would be his shift day. He never woke me up at 4 AM...but his rising early balanced out my need for beauty sleep. He loved the quiet of his morning, and his routine. This morning I was actually blessed to have had quiet moments thinking about the remarkable man God gave me....in the quiet of his early days. 

I don't even totally know what to expect as service time rolls around this morning. 

There will be family and friends, and I understand that the Fire Department has arranged a "Full Honor Guard and Escort"  I want to be able to take it all in.  The 'FINAL CALL' and 'FINAL BELL' will also take place today. This is gonna be tough.

The Road Ahead

This popped up randomly today. God speaks in the most unusual ways sometimes. I know that Roger is in a great place. I know that he would not choose to come back to this weary old world if he could. At the moment, I am not quite sure that I can say he would not be better off with me.....but really, that is really very selfish thinking at best.   We are all on a road to our eternal home. He would stop and ask though...what eternal home are you headed to?  Mine will be with him, in Heaven, with God, because of Christ, not due to anything good I may have ever done. It is a gift. Free to me, but not without the cost of Jesus' blood shed for me. I accepted that gift. The road toward my eternal home is pretty lonely at the moment, but I know this too is a season. I know that family and friends will help to fill the void, but there always will be a void. If you get a chance for one great love in your life, you probably should be pretty happy...even if the time was too short.  This gal is blessed.    I'll stay on path on which God placed me. Where is yours leading? 

Love and Hugs

What would Roger say? 

Oh, the love. I can not even take in the gifts of self that are being poured out on us. If it is possible for Roger to be mad at me from Heaven (and I personally believe that it is not possible)...then boy am I in big trouble.  Of course we want to celebrate his life and honor his service to community, but the Fire Department is pulling out all stops and for a man who literally wanted no attention drawn to him, ever....well, we could stand to find him a little miffed.

As moments go by, I keep seeing more and more lessons he was teaching us...and lately he had started asking "are ya listening' ?"  He meant Listening, more than Hearing....there is a difference, you know.  This blog is my effort to remember the things he taught, and lived. I know that time passes and things fade. I don't want that to happen. He invested his life in people and it shows. Today, I came to see that while we, his immediate family feel such pain, such grief...there are many around us who are experiencing the same. I also learned that we have the freedom to express that grief... and it is O.K.  Tears of sadness can also be tears of joy. What? How in the world...?  Well, Jesus wept, He experienced loss, but because of Him, our tears will be dried and we have the eternal hope within us....we will be together again one day.    

My mode of coping at the moment is to go ahead and shed the tears, but to quickly think of something to be thankful for. The wetness has not left my face, but the thankfulness fills my heart. 

This morning while we were to meet regarding the order of service, I went too the Cross for a bit. It was calming to just sit at the foot of this 200 foot cross and feel so small, and yet so important to God. I found myself just thanking God for all of the good things in my life because Roger was a part of it. It was so healing and I was able to make it through those tough meetings.  I was able to let go, and allow others to do what was needed to help them with the healing as well. That alone was pretty incredible! 

And then, when I periodically pick up my phone, I see message after message telling me that YOU are praying constantly for me. I just don't even have the words to thank you.....but thank you! 

Do be sure you hug your loved ones today. Things can happen that change your life in an instant. Cherish what you have.

Love and blessings, judi

Ro-Ro's Bench

Roger's Bench - in front of Allen's Creamery

Roger was a man of routine. His almost daily run was a consistent 'walk 2 minutes, run 1 minute' routine, whether he was out for 8 miles or only 2.  He stuck to Main Street because, "if you need help, someone will find you." 

He knew practically everyone in town, and those amazing neighbors marked his bench. Flowers were added throughout the week. 
How sweet that sight was.

It could not have been easy for the kids to be there without their Ro-Ro. But, as he would tell them, "not all things are easy, but you have to do them"  He did a lot of tough things, and a lot of people knew he made a difference. 

Final Call - NASA/KSC

This link gets you to NASA Kennedy Space Center Firefighters. Talk about an amazing group of people! Roger worked at KSC for 42 years and would not even talk about retiring.  (well, he might talk as if he was going to do it, be I knew his heart would not let him do it on his own) Before KSC, he served on Orlando Fire Department for 10 years, leaving only because of the draw of excitement on the space coast.  To work 52 years as a firefighter is a pretty remarkable thing, we have learned. 

The Fire Department has a tradition called Final Call. It can be chilling, and makes me cry every time I see this video. Roger's last shift when he was physically at KSC was on February 9. He was due to work again on February 12.  On the net (networks, radios) dispatch called for him on shift, and he failed to answer.  Well, just listen, the video is only about 1 minute long.

The plan is to do this again at the service at Woodlawn. It may turn out to be a good thing that I heard it for the first time in advance.

When they called Asst. Chief Roger Tome for the Final time at KSC, he was already on call in Heaven. We are thankful that he left us without pain or illness. A lot of firefighters left this earthly existence in far more tragic ways. Called to Serve. Yes. He was and he did it well. 

The Blessings of Friends

 Oh my goodness, friends. The FB posts, the texts, the calls...they have overwhelmed me with your love. You can never know how scrolling through my phone these days has carried me through. I am so very thankful for each and every life that has crossed my path....God put you there for a reason and I am so blessed for it. Losing a loved one is never easy, fast is not easy, slowly is not easy. The memories however are many, and good. To God be the Glory for that! As I read each text or post, I recalled how I know each of you and thank God for you and your impact on me. I am sooooooo blessed beyond belief to hear how my Roger touched so many lives. I am quickly realizing how so many little things made up the amazing man that he was. We take little things for granted so often. How foolish. Hug your loved ones tonight, cherish them, and most of all, be sure that you will all meet again in eternity, with Christ. I can not even imagine getting through these days without the blessings of family, friends and mostly my precious Savior. Saturday will be a really tough day, and yet, I know it will also be a glorious one. Your prayers are keeping me moving forward. I love you, each and every one!