Poof!

Many times I do things and don't seem to have any particular reason for why I do them. 

Tonight was one of those fun family nights where in an impromptu kind of way, we all gathered. A cousin was in town! It is always fun to get together with family. So often in the past we were not diligent enough to make it a point to get together really often. Sad, because we live pretty close together, but let days and weeks slip by. 

Since February, we have tried to change that. Even when it is impromptu, we try to make gatherings happen, because they are just important. It really hit home this year that family is really important and  we don't want to ever be caught saying -'oh, I wish we had gotten together more.' 

It was a lot of fun to sit around the dinner table and catch up - laugh a lot - plan for the next weekend. I am so glad that Carole Anne sent a text as they were driving down that rainy rainy highway! I am so glad that I was not overly concerned with whether the house was 'ready' for guests. How great to see the faces of those we love! 

Since I try not to commit to things these days without having my handy dandy - old fashioned calendar in hand, I pulled it out.  Sometime during the evening little brother asked me - "what are the hearts for?" 

Always on a Monday. Always with a number, progressively increasing.   I had only filled in October through the end of the year a couple of days ago. 

Weeks. Weeks without Roger. 

I realized that I had been marking the weeks, one at a time for a long time.  
So many people had told me things like "Don't do anything for a year."  "Don't make decisions about stuff for at least a year."  "Don't change stuff, it's too soon."

Each time, I tried to heed the advice, yet always going back to the wise words from my very wise Pastor - and the same from my very wise 'therapist' friend. (I let her practice on me!)  Their advice = 
there is no normal. Do what seems right for you, but you probably shouldn't go make huge changes right away.   Ah. That made much more sense. 

I am a 'doing' person. Always have been. I could not for the life of me imagine doing 'nothing' for a year. What? Sit in a rocker, twiddle my thumbs?

Maybe I first started marking the weeks as a count down to when normal would return. 

More likely, I tackled life one day at a time, then all of a sudden, I had made it a week. Then two. Then four. Then two months. One foot in front of the other. Just keep going. Good days, sad days, but all fresh new days. 

Maybe it was subconscious. Maybe I was marking milestones. 

Every Monday though, it is the same. It does not matter whether I hear the ringer on my phone or not. There is something about that hour from 4:30 to 5:30 that makes me stop. Time stands still. It seems like forever since that phone call came in - and it seems like moments ago. And yet, every Monday, as time stands still, I can hear God reminding me that life is like a vapor. You are here, and then you are not. It can be that quick. I am not alone in this experience. 

Roger's Lesson: This is easy. Well, Kiddo, this week is #30. It might seem like 30 weeks or even 30 years to you, but to me, it has been only 30 seconds in eternity and I am just getting started.  Keep counting - I'll be ready when you get here.

And that is the really cool thing. Life on earth might indeed be like a vapor but eternity isn't. 
When I think of a vapor, I think of two things - I think of a odor, like bug spray or WD40 or even goo-gone.  I also think of a fragrance, like a rose or a lovely perfume. 

I enjoy thinking about this 'vapor' Roger left behind. I find it like a sweet fragrance.  Sure, I know that all of life might not have been sweet - but what I choose to dwell on is all those things that were sweet, lovely, of good report, uplifting, challenging, exciting. Roger's vapor - his earthly life might have been shorter than we all would have liked - but it was sweet while he was here. 

All in all - I couldn't have asked for much more. 

30.   Thirty weeks without him, and yet 30 weeks closer to seeing him again!

What a great hope - I have that only because of Christ - that I will see him again - in Glory - in the sweet bye and bye - when crossing the Jordan - on that great and glorious day when my earthly life too, become but a vapor. 

Hope I leave a sweet one!