J.O.Y.

 How do you NOT love Publix?  Roger had this Publix tradition. It was not enough that he visited for some item or another, at minimum, once per every day that he was off...he also started asking about Christmas tree arrival early in November.

Roger was definitely a dedicated customer. He was well aware that each Publix only ordered a designated number of trees, enough of for their regular customers. Their goal was to get 'em in and get 'em out with none leftover...and none cluttering up the sidewalk space for more than 10 days.  Since he definitely counted himself among the 'regulars' - there was no way that he would walk away without a tree. And on the first day of sales, if he was off.

This year the whole tree thing was a big stress for me. I felt like I needed to go 'real' , for tradition's sake, but how in the world was I going to get a tree on top of my car, home, installed in a stand, into the house and leveled? It was just way too much to think about, so I was well prepared to 'go fake.'      Then Karin suggested a stop by our local Publix, which revealed some fine young men installing trees into stands.   AHA!  When questioned, they assured us that they would do the job and we said...'be right back!"

Imagine their surprise when we were - right back.  I mean, the stand was half the battle. When we found a shield penny on the way to the car, our decision was made. Live tree indeed. Disposition changed.

These guys were hilarious and I found it impossible to be sad and gloomy about what I was missing when these two were so full of the Christmas spirit. They also loved that I brought sheets and bungee cords - so they happily wrapped that tree to keep the sap off my car. They LOVED the bungees!
Roger never shopped around for trees. He went to Publix and he said....I'll take two. Did not even unwrap them.  That....is faith!

Step one - before December 1, we had our trees, Karin and me.

 Moving Christmas trees was not the easiest thing we have ever done, but getting those things OFF of an SUV ....well, mission accomplished!  We put that crazy thing on the car and got it into my family room. Standing up and tied off to the drapery rod....just as Roger would have it.

Back to the SUV and off to Karin's! I suppose it was kind of like chopping down your own tree and sledding it home. One can only imagine. Somehow we wrangled that massive tree into her living room and stood it upright.

 And Karin was far more prepared than I. She had the space and and one very confused doggie. Poor thing. She had moved furniture around, then there was this new and unfamiliar piney fragrance....tough for a blind pup!

Her tree was a good chunk taller then mine, but it is amazing what two determined young ladies can accomplish when they put their heads together! Tree installed!  Pup...still confused.

And this is only the beginning. The process of dragging out the Christmas bins takes days, by yourself. For some reason, last year I decided to buy a ton of matching bins and sort through my stuff. One bin, one project. Every room - a different theme - pure craziness, but Roger loved Christmas throughout the house.

At least it was easy enough to move it all by myself!

And so the decorating 'party' began. While I was accustomed to a nice fire roaring, no matter the outside temp, and the smell of coffee brewing - those were missing this year.  Good old BHN Channel 440 kept the Christmas carols blasting from daytime and into the night. I turned the air down low and put on fuzzy socks, and started with the lights. There is something about those lights that just makes it feel all Christmas-y.  That, and the smell of pine. Work in progress.

And when I stopped to rest, then came the thinking, and the memories, and the tears.

I'm sure they were tears of my/our loss and not tears of his joy.

Yes, Christmas will be different this year, and it has been really hard to record those precious moments along the way, so I really hope that I get them recorded so I don't forget.

Reflection has been different this year. What hurt so deeply only a month ago, has given way to embracing the joy of what Roger loved best about this season.  In the same way that joy is a choice, those waves of sadness are also a choice. I can make the decision to withdraw within and ride it out in sadness and loss, or to rise above it and remember the joyful times and look to the future when we all will indeed be together again.

I think we all have chosen to pick joy throughout this journey. It is what we have done all of our lives, but the joy seems so much richer and so much deeper when you consciously CHOOSE joy after a bout of that deep sadness.  I've come to see that the sadness is also a part of that journey though.  It must be the contrasts that make the feelings so overwhelmingly strong.

So, for the most part this Christmas - or the days leading up to the big day - have been mostly joyful. They have been filled with fun and with laughter.  We have all told our fair share of 'Roger stories' and laughed some more.

Within the week the house was decorated to the point of 'overload' - but I have to admit that my children and grandchildren - and friends too, have commented on it more than I ever recall hearing.

I've decided that either we stop hearing certain things over the years, or we take for granted the simple things, and the beauty around us simply because it is always there.

I don't know if we have taken for granted the joy and laughter that has always been a part of our lives, but I do know that it was a conscious effort this year, on many days, to choose joy and to choose to laugh.  I hope I never take that for granted again.

Roger's Lesson: Christmas is not about you, it is about Jesus. God sent Him to earth - Jesus willingly CAME to earth - and it was for one purpose alone, so don't forget that.  Jesus did not come on the human scene for joy and laughter, though surely he brought it to those he encountered.  He came to save the world from an eternity in hell, where there is no joy and no laughter. He came for the purpose of dying - willingly giving up his life - as payment for our sin. You know, sin, that stuff that is contrary to God's ways. We all have it in one form or another.  Your job it to face it, just like you face sadness - then make your choice. Make the choice that actually means something joyful for eternity. There is only one way.    

Yes - and Roger is doing the REAL living this Christmas - and I'm pretty sure he would not willingly come back to this old earth even if he could.  Real joy - yes, that is Christmas. Real joy, because of Christ!

Now I will take photos of all of this crazy decorating!