Game Day - Tailgatin'

Why can't I sleep when I have to be up for a very early appointment? I am absolutely sure that it has something to do with "Game Day in the Grove"

Now, I knew that this had to do with Ole Miss and that Roger's "little" cousin Zach had decided to spend his college years there. (Just like my Sam! Yea! Ole Miss!) But I had no real idea that it had anything to do with football - except that I did think that tailgating and football might go together.  

And so...yea for GOOGLE!

Thanks to Google Images, I know now that I need to wear red and be dressed up a bit. Not a problem, I have red Bling. Now, will I look cutesy in that southern kind of way? Don't hold your breath! 

This I do know - Barbara (the mama) is going to throw a grad party like no other - because that is just what she does! All out! Memorable! Love it! I am equally sure that she will have southern fixin's that would make Roger OH SO HAPPY!  

He loved football and especially College football.  Did not care as much about the Pro's.  He knew about a whole lot of teams and only a very few people on the planet seemingly knew that he actually had a favorite team.  And wouldn't you know it, that it was his three girls that let that little secret slip out. Of course, we did not know it was a secret!  And it actually was not the team he liked, it was the coach and his life philosophy.    

Occasionally I would sit down and watch a game with him. It would not be long into the game when he would say "Could you stop asking questions so I can watch this game?" WHAT!  Oh - I asked the same ones the last game. Who knew?!   You get it or you don't I guess, but I enjoyed being in the room with him - and watching the halftime show. 

It should be fun at Zach's party. I can see it now. Everything decked out in Red and Blue.  (Roger's team is Red and Black) Mostly, I wonder how Barbara is going to get all of those Gator Fan members of the family to dress in anything but Blue and Orange!   

I can see it now. Roger would have on a red polo, his navy pants and his shiny black shoes.  I shall wear red with bling, probably black (only because I don't own navy) and comfy shoes of some sort. I will try to speak slowly and overly enunciate my words as I drawl them out. I'll have to add a few extra vowels as well.  I can hardly wait! 

Of course, if anyone talks football, I will not have a CLUE what they are talking about. But Roger would. I never know the score and I never know who is supposed to be the winner. My favorite color is who I cheer for. (Who wears teal? That's my team!) 

But the best part of the day will be family.  Roger's family, our family. He was uniquely blessed with some pretty sweet (pretty AND sweet) cousins ...first, second, third....  and the guys are pretty swell too!  

Roger's Lesson:  I have no idea on this one, but I know that he may be having a great time in Heaven, but he is going to miss out on one pretty great gathering today. And we will miss him too!  He would probably say that I should at the very least know who is playing.   OK. Ole Miss and someone else. 

But this day is about Zach, and his achievements and his goals, and his expectations for the future. God has all kinds of possibilities for him, as he does for each of us, graduating from high school all the way through graduating into Social Security. All you have to do is to be tuned in to Him and to be aware of those doors of opportunity in your path. (Yes, talking to self here - God has a plan - I need to  keep paying  attention)

Congratulations to Zach - and to the many young people who have crossed my path and are graduating this month - the future holds so much, just don't waste it by chasing things that do not matter in light of eternity.  Remember Your Creator in the Days of your youth......Eccl. 12:1

And check out the rest of that passage when you get a chance!

Now to figure out how to look all sweet and southern like these girls. 

Hmmmm. More my style.

Kristin can pull this one off! 





Go Rebels! 

History Repeats

John Harold 1944 

Proud to be an American. That was Roger, through and through. He was proud to have served in the Army - a medic attached to a Ranger battalion. He always made light of it if you could ever get him to talk about it, but I'm sure that even in his "youth" he took his assignment seriously. Heroes do that. They don't talk so much about the things they do. Find just about anyone who is in the military, and you'll likely find the same thing.

World War II Vets are like that. My dad served in the Navy, War in the Pacific.  He talked about Papau New Guinea and sitting on the bow of the ship a lot, but he would not talk about the "action" on more than a couple of occasions. I wish we had pushed for more information. Roger's dad was the same. He served in the Patton's Third Army in Europe, entering at Cherbourg after D-Day. I have discovered a bit more about his journey, but not because he talked about it too much.  Oh, to have even a day with each of them to find out more. Willingness to put your life on the line for someone you don't even know. That is more than admirable. Not as many Americans are cut out for it as they once were.

Matthew is like that. Roger loved to talk about Matthew and his dreams. He read books about the Navy Seals all the time. If Matthew was interesting in it, the he was interested as well. He knew what it was like to pursue a dream, and he also knew the danger. It is a hard thing to let the one you birthed head off into a life of great danger, great sacrifice. Today I am thinking a lot about my sister. This can not be an easy day. Pride in his accomplishments, yes...but the fear of the great unknown. Even more, the wonder about the decisions being made by those in charge, in recent years at least.  But, we know that God has Matthew in the palm of His hand.

It is such an interesting combination of emotions - pride, love, concern, joyfulnesss, tears, and even inklings of fear about the future. As intensely as I feel these things today, I know they are much more intense for Beth, Jim, Mary (the girl twin) and Sam.  And yes, Carie...young love is so hopeful and exciting and has such a great outlook for the future and this has to be scary as well.

Matthew has his PIR - Pass in Review - graduation ceremony this morning. The family is very excited for him and it is guaranteed that if Roger were here, he would be glued to the computer screen, even though he did not like computers. Live Streaming.  The moments are ticking by as I write - and I have his screen open in another window! Not to be missed!

Roger would be recalling this photo of my dad and talking about how much Matthew looked like him. I can't wait to see a photo of him in his navy whites, just like his grandpa. Roger would be recalling those stories of the War in the Pacific, San Diego, stuff he paid attention to and I clearly did not. He would be anticipating what Matthew's next step would be like. He would know a lot more than I do about the Navy, The Seals, the life and the dangers.

Today while I pray for the family of this young man who makes me so proud, I am also praying for those who lead this country. I am praying that they will turn their hearts toward God and follow His leading in their decision making. Some do. I know this. There are amazing Chaplains still around to lead these young men, no matter what the media has to say about wiping them out. I also know that God is more powerful than any power on earth, though He does allow us to go ahead and make our own stupid choices and suffer the awful consequences. Roger reminded me of that all the time.

Boy, I really miss him today. I have not cared about the news, the happenings in the world, the politics of America.....since Feb. 10.   I am sure all of that will come back one day, but right now, I don't care about anything that might upset me and that I can't get back into perspective without Roger.  I am finding that I loved politics because he did.

Roger's Lesson:  I know he would tell me to keep caring about the politics of this great nation - and that it was once greater than it is now - but that can change too. I know he would tell me to always pray for those making the decisions for our military and especially to keep praying for Matthew - well, that is a given, not needing a reminder.  I know that he would say that the great nations throughout history have trusted God to lead them. And I know that he would say to know history and not repeat the mistakes. Learn from what has happened in the past.

Now, it just makes me smile to think about sitting and talking about current politics, recent history, and his take on prophecy as related to all of this. I really miss it.

I hope someone takes a photo of Matthew today as he looks much like grandpa did!

Sam and Matthew
2013

Ralph and John (Harold)
1950

Matthew and Carie right after the ceremony!
Congratulations, Sailor!

Off The Curb

Navy is on my mind today. I'm not sure why, but I have been dreaming of ships, Navy ships. 

I think that God often uses that time between sleep and awake to prompt us to think of others who need special attention for one reason or another. Sometimes I have the most random thoughts, but it always seems to turn out that there was something going on that I did not know about, when extra prayers really do make a difference. 

People do that for me, I just know it. In a mysterious kind of way, I can feel it, and I feel it a lot lately. Maybe it is just that extra ability to focus when normally you would not. Maybe it is that extra umph you need to just keep going. Prayer is just that extra fuel in your tank, and so often, you can't put it there yourself.

So today I am thinking of my young Navy man, Matthew.  He reminds me a lot of my dad and I am looking forward to seeing him in his dress whites - and very soon, I expect. He has had this dream - this goal - and has held onto it for quite a number of years now. This is an interesting thing when kids are in high school, because they tend to dream but not always to stick with it long enough to reach their goal. They get into college and flitter and float all over the place, searching for a need to be grounded. 

Matthew is well grounded. Grounded in his faith, in his goals, in what he wants in life.  Often it scares me because I don't tend to have as much faith in the powers that be (governmentally speaking) as I once did. It is a remarkable thing to be willing to give your life for another. Most of us don't think in that direction. First Responders do. Our military and our Fire, Police, EMTs and others think that way too. They see the bigger picture and are willing to give their lives even when other people are just stupid or self centered. I don't get it. I don't like to see life ended senselessly. But, so much like Roger, Matthew sees the bigger picture and he is willing to step up to the plate.

Of course, he is a bit isolated at the moment, so it is not as easy to know what exactly is going on in his life, during all of this training. The most remarkable thing about prayer is that as I ask God to continue to watch over Matthew (which is actually, a silly request, because He is ALWAYS watching over His children) - it does not really matter that "I" know what he needs right now, because God does.  I pray that he stays healthy and safe. I pray that he learns those lessons that are so necessary in the military - following commands, acting quickly, staying focused, building a brotherhood where you each have the others' back - all of the stuff that Roger talked about so often. I also pray that Matthew's life will make an impact on those around him.  I pray that others will come to know Jesus because they see Jesus in him. And I pray for Matthew to be a part of a really strong and powerful military that is fervent in their belief in Christ as a supreme commander. He is the only one who really 'has their backs."

It is an interesting thought for morning because I have not watched TV news for more than a few seconds since Feb. 10.  It is me that is isolated from the world in that TV news sense.  I miss it, and I don't. It is not the same without Roger to give me his historical/biblical perspective on what is going on around us.   He knew that Matthew was going to have a tough job before him. While he would rather that he be safe, he also recognized a calling when he saw one. And he believed that Matthew felt he was called for this journey.

Roger made it 52 years in the fire service without ever being injured during a fire/rescue call. That is a remarkable statistic. Yet he died only a few blocks from home on a very ordinary day.  
I pray the same for Matthew  - that he has the career and calling he believes in, but that God will deliver him safely through it. And I pray that like Roger, he does not enter eternity until he has lived a good and long (though not long enough) life - on a very ordinary day, doing very ordinary things. 

Roger's Lesson:  They both had the same perspective about dangerous jobs. "You could die stepping off a curb and getting hit by a bus"  so you might as well do what God has called you to do.

Whatever you need today, Matthew, God knows better than I - but I will keep asking for his attention in your life. You are special - oh so special!   Love you and can't wait to see how handsome you are going to look in your new uniform! 

Renewed!

 The last big accomplishment for May 12. Karin and I made a quick little trip out to the Magic Kingdom. Oh yes, one of Roger's favorite hangouts.  

I think he liked Main St. USA because he was an old soul. He was not a fan of change, although he adapted when he had to.  I came to realize that this family loves our Disney passes and we have spent lots of great times together at WDW over the years.  I guess Disney is just in our blood, so it just made sense to go ahead and renew my pass. It was hard to do though.

Pass renewal was something we ALWAYS did together. We did it on our anniversary every year. Roger did not care about 'stuff' and I grew weary of collecting things that needed dusting, so passes were a perfect solution to that gift dilemma. We gave each other Disney Passes for our Anniversary for so many years, I have forgotten how long. 

The young cast member at Guest Services was so cheerful and helpful that it made the process very easy. I was so afraid it was going to be a tearful transaction.  

Karin is so much like her daddy that it was really fun to be with her tonight. She picks up on the most subtle things that he would always do. Things that I did not think about too much, maybe because he did them so much! It was fun to laugh about everything from how to navigate a crowd to how to get to a dinner place and divide and conquer in order to get the table you wanted. We had dinner in one of his favorite places. She even ate mayo with her meal, just so things would feel normal for me.  Ugh....I could not do that. Sorry, Roger! 

By the time we returned home, I was fairly well exhausted. It was a long day, it was an exhausting day, but it was a very good day.

Roger's Lesson: He would tell me that things are generally better when you have a plan. Today's plan worked!

And I felt his presence throughout the day. And that was a very good thing. 
Thank you prayer warriors! I could not have done this alone! 

Never say Goodbye....Pan

There is a full moon tonight. I always loved the full moon because I could look outdoors at midnight or in the wee hours before daybreak and enjoy the wonderful shadows from the magnificent Camphor tree that were cast on the lawn. It must be the artists' eye...... no one else seemed to understand. 

Roger always said that the full moon always meant the crazies were out. I think that must be a fire department concept. He did seem to always come home with the craziest stories - and always after a full moon shift. I miss those reports. 

There was always one full moon that Roger loved though, and it was at Disney. When they did the reno on the Peter Pan ride, I think they changed up the moon - and he never enjoyed the new ride as much as the old one. In fact, Roger never enjoyed anything new as much as he enjoyed the older version. 

Not knowing exactly what this day would hold for me, I was especially thrilled that I had a really good team of friends who were offering up some extra prayer support today. I was not sure if I was going to cry all day, or just be safe and stay in bed all day, or just push through it all. I decided to just try my best to take it moment by moment. 

Starting out with an early morning visit to school was a good thing. I got to watch Jacob receive his prized award at the end of year assembly. I can not even believe that it is the end of another school year. By boy is growing up too too fast!   After dropping Emily, who is getting very long-legged all of a sudden, off at school, I headed for my chalk box. 

I was up to it. Art is always good therapy for me and the day was not too hot at 9 AM, so why not go sit on the sidewalk for a while? It was an interesting morning. I had all the supplies loaded up on the golf cart, and some on the sidewalk. It was swept clean and the surface was prepared for another layer of chalk.  The Mayor stopped to chat and told me about the recent happenings in DC. (I rarey watch TV news anymore. I pray for those running our country but I just don't even care about all the arguments any more - maybe I will later - I have a lot of faith in my Congressman and that is where I focus my prayer energies)   Over the course of the morning, several people stopped, either in cars or on golf carts, to see if I was ok. I was on the ground, after all. Not a normal sight. 

A couple of runners stopped and chatted and asked if they could take a photo. And two interesting ladies stopped, then returned at the end of my day, and then came back with cameras. This was quite the interesting morning, to be sure. I rarely talk to this many people in the course of a day, let alone a morning. It made me wonder if Roger was nearby, drawing these people in.  Crazy, right?  
Then one of the 'interesting' ladies started asking me a lot of questions, then told me that she talked to angels. And told me Roger was standing right behind me and she could see him.  Hello --- candid camera? Crazy tv show?  I am just a little too conservative for all of this stuff, but it did give me something to think about. 

I thought about Peter Pan and started to analyze why Pan was a fav of Roger's.  Maybe it was because he was forever young. Pan did not grow up. Roger did, but he was forever young.  Pan loved Wendy but she was not as adventurous as him. She knew that growing up was part of life. She loved him too, but she knew that she had to continue to grow. But she never forgot him.

Maybe I was the more serious one of our twosome. Logical. Practical. I hope I did not stop too much of his fun though. I don't think so. 

Peter Pan is an interesting story and it does not really line up with our theology at all, but it is a fun little fairytale and there is nothing wrong with that. We always had our green moon - not that it was green, but the lighting in that original Disney ride had a greenish tint as we flew around Big Ben and the Tower Bridge. That big ole moon reminded us that the world is big, but what is beyond the stars in the sky is so much bigger and so much more important. And ...it is not Neverland....it is Forever Land. 

Until now, I never ever thought that when Wendy remained at home and Pan was off to the stars....that it would be our story as well. Me at home - Roger off in Forever Land.   

But...Pan's quote -  " Never say goodbye, because goodbye means going away, and going away means forgotten".......that spoke to me today. We always said "see you later" and not goodbye. And I will not say Goodbye now .....because even though he is away for the moment ....he will never be forgotten.   And the best part of our story is that one day I will also be where he is. 

In the light of eternity, I know that these days are only moments.  But thank goodness for Eternity and that Jesus gave me the opportunity to decide now to spend it with him. Yes, a decision that must be made before we draw that final breath. 

And Roger, well, that 'interesting lady' told me that she saw him standing behind me and he wanted me to talk to him. I have to admit, that I am not too prone to doing what people suggest to me, just because they suggest it.  I am more inclined to think about him and allow the tears to flow as they will. People offer up interesting ideas, and I guess that whatever gets you through the day in a healthy way is probably ok. (And yes, I saw "Ghost")  But just in case.....If you ever see me appearing to be talking to myself, don't put me in the home too quickly..who knows, maybe I will be talking to Roger.  

Roger's Lesson: I bet he would tell me that Forever Land (Eternity) is a whole lot better than Neverland and that while he loves and cares for those of us on earth, he also has some serious time to spend with His Savior. That is, after all, what who was living for. 

It may take me a while to make some sense of this day though! 
Ah....Art Therapy. It is always interesting! 

Sears Catalog? 41 years ago!

I will make it through this day because there is a team of prayer warriors  on duty for this challenge. I could not do this on my own. You don't think of 40 years as being all that long when you are together, but time has a whole new meaning when it becomes 41 and you are alone. 

In so many ways it seems like only yesterday that I met Roger.

God has these incredible ways to bring people together and though I was not really looking to "find" a special someone, there he was, right in the Sears Catalog. Ah...a story that people have been begging me to tell.  Actually, it is more accurate to say that he found me in the Sears Catalog, but let's be clear...I was not a mail order bride! 

The story begins nigh unto 42 years ago. I was a young college student just itching to make my way in the world by getting my first job. My dad was totally against it, instead saying that my school was my work and that I should focus. College, like it is today, had too many empty hours for me. Studying did not take all that long and there were so many hours in the day! What was a girl to do?

Well, of course, her Pastor knowing the dilemma, knew a church member who also happened to be a store manager of a very safe place to work. This would be important to the father - and would also fill the daughter's need to try that taste of independence. There is NO WAY, I will ever believe I got that job on my own! After all, it required a math test. SERIOUSLY! It had to be my cute red outfit, plus some nice behind the scenes work of a caring Pastor. 

(Sears - Downtown Orlando ...lower left in the photo)

Before I knew it, I was signed up as a Sears Roebuck & Co. employee.  I was well on my way into profit sharing and that huge $52 a week paycheck! 

A floater - indeed, I was. "Floated" from department to department wherever there was a need. Jack of all trades! 

Shoe department- oh that was organizational fun! Men's department, children's, housewares and petty quickly, CATALOG. Evidently I was pretty good with the catalog scene, or no one else wanted the job, but there I stayed for a good bit. It was right by the back door, next to automotive, so I got to watch the interesting characters come and go. I am quite sure that NO ONE near the age of my grand children has a clue what it was like to walk into a store and order from a catalog. (Just think Amazon, kids. Only no digital, no wireless, no drop off at the front door.) Catalog ordering was the best in personal assistance!  And it was a fun place to work!  One day this fella came in and ordered. Then he returned what he ordered, and re-ordered. And returned what he ordered, and re-ordered. This always happened on the day I worked. No one else seemed to be able to assist this fella like I could, so he waited for my work day. I was clueless, of course.   (Fast forward to 2014 and we all know that Roger liked to talk to EVERYONE! New face? He had to know more! Lucky me!)

I remember him being interesting to talk to and that he ordered really awful clothing. 

                                                           Get the idea?

I am sure that fashion was part of the times - but really ...awful. Still gives me shivers

And then one day...

My little Department Manager - she was little - like 5'0" - named Phyllis Mueller, called me in and said, "sit a while, we need to talk."

Was I getting a raise? I was a good little catalog gal!  
Oh no! She had to tell me about this fella that kept coming in..."I KNOW - AWFUL CLOTHES!" ...and that he wanted to ask me out...."WHAT? HE IS OLD!" said sweet little me!   
"Now now honey, I have known him since he was a little thing and he is just the sweetest...."  and on and on.  I guess that was the start of older people watching out for me.   "Just go for coffee" she said.  "I do not drink coffee" I said.  

And so, surely enough, he came around again. Oh yes, Roger was his name! I had written it SO MANY times and never even connected that his dad worked right upstairs. In fact, I already knew his dad and his cousin. Sears - a family kind of place!  And so he asked me to go for a cup of coffee..."I don't drink coffee" I said...to which he replied....'Well, then let's go for tea!"   How do you NOT go out with someone who is so perfectly agreeable?

And such began our meetings. He would come by for lunch and we would head on down to the "Stand and Snack" on Orange Avenue.  It was not long before we had the 'real date.' You know, the dress up special kind of thing. And he came to church with me right away...where my girlfriends said 'Are you crazy for dating an OLD GUY!"  and he walked in the door and knew half the people in the church.  What was this all about? I had to know more. I guess I was hooked by then. 

He drove up one afternoon to pick me up at home and my dad saw him 'unfold" out of his corvette.  I don't even want to go there. Daddy liked really big tank-like cars, so a tiny corvette made absolutely no sense to him.  Never mind that it was cute. 
My sisters said "yes-sir" to him.  Good grief. 
I really did not get that OLD concept people kept referring to after I got to know him, because he really did not seem so OLD.  (I was 20, he was 30 ---I know, CRAZY!) He seemed 24. 

Time passed and we spent a lot of time together. I worked part time and went to school. He had been on medical leave for a car accident on the way to work. (More about that in another post - something I ONLY found out in February 2014)  Yes, he flipped a Corvette - the one he let the astronauts drive up and down the beach.  I was clueless about space and firefighters and all that at the time, so that was only a nice work story.  He soon went back to work and had the craziest hours, but he was off two full days during the week. Wow...weekday dates! We made day trips all over Florida! And we ate out EVERYWHERE. Little did I know that this was a hobby! 

We had a whole lot of fun from July - December 72.  Looking back it was a really short time though before he had fallen head over heels in love. It was that green moon at Disney, he would tell me. Our first 'official real date' was to the recently opened Magic Kingdom. He loved the E-Ticket rides and really loved the Peter Pan ride. Flying over the world, forever young....he was a kid at heart but not immature at all like a kid would be. Every time we would fly around that green moon - we would dream. And sometimes we would ride six times in one day! 

Christmas arrived and with it, a ring. The wedding would be in May - not a moment before my birthday. He wanted no one to say that he had a child bride, so we waited until I had hit the 'legal' age of 21 before we got married. Birthday on the Saturday the 5th and wedding on Saturday the 12th.  We had no reason to factor in Mother's Day! Let's just say that for 40+ years, the gifts just kept on coming in May! Who would have guessed that this 8 day stretch in May would become the most difficult of my life. 

My parents always supported me, so they did not stand in the way or put up a fuss about this old guy. Security, my dad would say. What? But they liked him a whole lot too!  My Pastor asked me if I was crazy - Roger was HIS age! (I never thought my Pastor was so old though - Love you Bro. Bill!)  Looking back, I really am not sure I had a clue about anything, but I was in love. We were in love. 

I love this photo because it is so....FAKE. Act like you are nervous about all of this, Roger...the photographer requested. Seriously. He knew he had found the love of his life. No sweat!   His parents adored me...I mean, how could they not. I think they would have adored ANYONE who captivated this man. They wanted GRANDCHILDREN!  I loved his family - including all of those aunts and uncles and cousins, right away. 

God was blessing and I was still to young to even recognize it. 

And we can't complete this story without recognizing the amazing bridal fashions of the 1970's. I had to be different and go with MANY pastels instead of only one. A girl ahead of her time. And of course I insisted on making every single dress. Glory - I have never done anything the easy way. 

Weddings today involve so much elaborate planning and matching everything, and fancy meals, and so much extra fluff. Back in the day, you pulled together matching outfits, picked one of 5 tuxedos, got your shoes dyed, popped some flowers in your hair and had some candles and flowers at the altar. Afterward, you navigated the receiving line, got your punch and butter mints and nuts and if you waited around long enough, some wedding cake.  I think throwing rice is outlawed today too. It puffs up and choked a bird or something. Ah...just sweep it up and keep it simple, folks.

We did not have all of that fluff, but we had a marriage that stuck together. Through the highs and lows - and it is like that for everyone - through fun and frustration - through times together and times when travel kept us apart - through the busyness of raising children - through tuition payments and college and broken down vehicles. We worked and we planned for that time when the children would be grown and settled and we would be retired and we would go back to the days of our youth. 

Only Roger did have an alternate plan. How about if we don't collect so much stuff, but we do things together all through our lives. With children mostly, without children sometimes. How about if we do the things now that we care about doing. How about if we invest in things of eternal value. How about if people are more important than things.  In all of that planning though, we never really talked about life as separate from one another. Oh, he would say he was older and I should do this or that when he was gone, and I would say that I am the one that is always sick so he should stop telling me that stuff. And we would drop that conversation and save it for another day. 

Am I glad that we followed his 'alternative' plan? Yes, indeed! For he always ALWAYS believed that God numbered our days and that we should redeem the time we have here. He lived out his parents legacy of doing things with family and doing things with friends. He kept church life central to all that we did together. He loved vacations, as short and as ordinary as they might be. He loved doing things that were familiar. He had enough adventure at work! He led us well and he gave us all of himself while he was here. It makes me feel a little greedy to ask for more. 

Yes, in my heart and mind, I will always think it was too short of an earthly journey. I know though, that he ran the race that God planned for him.  I'll always see him driving in and unfolding out of that corvette and being all dreamy-eyed and excited about the future.  And then - I will think about the wonderful life that that future became.  Sitting under the big tree and planning our home, while we worked and saved and lived in an apartment was a special time. Watching two grown men putting together toys and swing sets (Roger and Papa) - and him not having a clue how to assemble anything - still makes me laugh.  Trying to get him to drive a newer car (If it was only 10 years old, it was new to him) rather than always getting the new one for me - was a frustrating task, but he always won. Watching a very proud father every time he was with one or both daughters - wow, the joys of his life.  Hearing him encourage as Jacob played ball, or taking Emily to dance in her little tutu and enjoying time with them at the ice cream shop is something they will treasure forever. And watching Jim, strong himself, relent and leave his wallet at home rather than argue with Roger, is a wonderful memory because not all men will defer to the old guy, but Jim knew there was something deeper there. And.....chasing after him at Disney because he always had us on a mission to see and do it all, when all I wanted to do was stroll, will remain one of the things that I wish I had been more bossy about. But he kept us together and he kept us moving toward a goal. He loved his family more than we will ever be able to imagine. We all were blessed. 

And when I feel that ever present tear, I will call it my showers of blessings and I will thank God for the time we did have here and that at 20 when I was this really clueless young girl, not at all looking for a prince charming....He had one for me all along. 

Right there, under my nose, in the Sears Catalog - terrible fashion sense and all. 

Roger's Lesson; He would laugh at me and say that Brother Bill meant well - and that indeed, I did have a far better fashion sense that he did. And that at 30, he knew what he had been looking for all of his life.  And that he told me that he loved me when he said "I Do" and if he ever changed his mind, he would let me know.  

And I will be forever grateful to little Phyllis Mueller, which may be why I tend to listen to little ole ladies even to this very day. They have a wisdom that we don't understand. Hopefully I will acquire that skill before I get to be a little ole lady! 

40 years, 8 months, 29 days. This Mrs. has been remarkably blessed.

But ......
I never got him to part with that clip-on tie! 

Who would have thought it?

 It has been one of those weeks. Somewhere along my lifetime, I came up with this concept of looking at the 'whole' of things and then backing up to the details of how to get there. Of course, it was not my original concept and I don't even know where I got the idea, but for the most part, it has worked out for me pretty well.

I had not figured this out at age 20, however.  When we were planning a wedding, not once that I ever can recall, did I think to the end of the project. It was "I do! Happily ever after!"    

Even though I was encouraged to take a moment and THINK about marrying a man a decade older than I was, I probably did not, even if I said I did. (Mmybe I did?) 

Not once did I ever see myself walking through this life without Roger. I never saw myself with a Mother's Day without him. I am a mother because of him, after all!

Roger was an 'only child' - yes, I knew about those people. I had friends growing up that were 'onlys.'  A little self absorbed. Wanted what they wanted instantly. Did not always play well with others.   Somehow I forgot all of that when I met Roger.  It never occurred to me that he was an only, even when I met his parents.  I only learned later about how it was just him and his mother for three years while his dad was off fighting for freedom....with General George S. Patton, no less. 

It did not take me too long to realize that because his family was so close and cousins lived nearby, that they were most likely the reason that he was pretty well balanced and not full of himself. Generous, by nature, he always loved to be around people, but he liked his quiet space as well. AHA...that was the 'only' kicking in.  He used to tell me that he could have all of the fun of having siblings to play with and then escape when they drove him nuts. (Sorry, girls!) But they laughed and played A LOT. I could also tell that he grew up in a really fun household, but not one that was a free-for-all.   

Nani was GREAT. And the best part of all was that she was SO ELATED that he was getting married that there was NOTHING WRONG that this old gal could do! Being the daughter in law of an 'only' - at least in my case was the BEST!     Thank you Nani for raising a most wonderful young man! I know you did not do it alone, but you did it well!

Of course, we would never have gotten to this place in my life without my mother. She taught me EVERYTHING.  My sister often says that she was worn out by the time she got to number three....but I disagree. Number 1 was just easier to handle, I am certain! Or perhaps, I just paid attention!   There is something special about that #1 baby, my dad would always say.  I think it is a balance though - parents don't always know what they are doing with #1, so they practice a lot. Thank goodness #2, #3, AND #4 all arrived in a span of about 6 years, so that took a lot of pressure off of me.  

Likely, because she was such a GREAT mother, she did not ask me to tend to the little critters around me too often. Whew!  Or maybe she did and found out that I was not too good at it, or had things like scissors and paint in my hands, or did not stay on task too well.  Anyway....thanks, Mom, for understanding. 
I think my mom was a creative soul down deep - she could sew without a pattern, cook without a recipe, make anything grow....and she was incredibly smart - but did not flaunt those straight A's at us. But she expected a lot. Courtesy. Good manners. She helped us to grow into the people we were meant to be. Great role model!  She left for Heaven far too young but after a very long and lingering decline. I know she has enjoyed the rewards of Heaven all these years, but she did leave me always being drawn to women around me who had those same tender and nurturing qualities. God provided beautifully for me all these years. But I still miss her! Roger always thought she was the sweetest southern lady he had ever met! 

And of course, I can't miss Mother's Day without these two jewels! These are DADDY'S GIRLS! 

It is important to remember that in "Judi's plan for her life" there were no children. There was New York, Broadway (behind the scenes), and world travel.  What was I thinking?  This is one case where I hit the place early on where I asked God to direct my life (before I met Roger) and really had no idea what I was asking for exactly. Innocence - you've got to love it! 

I was married at 21 (more on that tomorrow - Anniversary Day) and had a baby at 23. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!  Talk about being scared and clueless!  They did not have stuff like parenting classes back then. Oh, I read Dr. Spock and thought he was pretty well crazy. Thank goodness for mothers. Thank goodness I had the good sense to look at kids older than my own, that I would like to take home with me...(AKA - Shawn Thompson) and try to figure out how those parents got to the end of parenting without being crazy!  Seriously - a good support system and asking God for guidance really makes a difference.  Of course, DADDY was super involved and 'like-the best dad-eh-ver!" He knew how to have fun and together I think we ended up with some pretty remarkable girls who in my own humble opinion are 'practically perfect in every way'.....thank you for the inspiration, Mary Poppins!  I'd say that our two baby girls are the best gift Roger ever gave me. They still remain the greatest blessings of my life ... and I have a lot of blessings!

Roger's Lesson:  Oh, he would say  "It's just another way that God shows His goodness and mercy to us. We don't have to have all the answers at the beginning of the journey because God has the plan"

And I would say that while we mothers are important in the life of a child, those who made us mothers will have their moments soon.  Redeem the time. The children grow up way too fast!