It is interesting the way I can distract myself with a quiet, almost mindless project and yet still feel the presence of God with me. Perhaps subconsciously I am thinking about Heaven, eternity, pondering the whys of all that has taken place recently -- and there He is to reassure me, to comfort me, and yes, to encourage me.
I cleaned out another closet. This one was filled with sewing projects and photo collections. I am organized, for sure, but boy, do I collect a lot of stuff! Karin was excited when she saw the volume of photos - she saw yet another project ...DIGITIZE!
Right now, there is so much stuff that my mind is a blur, an organized blur, but a blur.
Somehow I shifted gears and started putting photos of Roger in frames. For some reason I had collected all my silver frames and put them in one spot! OCD, yes.
We were surprised, actually, to have found so many photos of him when we were putting together a video for his service. He avoided cameras like the plague. Generally if we got a photo, the look on his face almost screamed "are you finished yet?" I worked for almost 40 years to get him to relax and smile and it would not hurt...kind of like they tell you when you get a shot!
Photography back in the day was not what it is today. I almost wish I had just shot everything in black and white. Colors fade - but memories don't.
Some of the best photos were actually black and white - from his childhood. With parents. With grandparents. On a pony, riding a tricycle, at the fair, with his dad in uniform, school photos, band photo, graduation, army photo, fire department climbing to the top of the aerial ladder, and with fish. Always the fish! He was cute, adorable, fearless.
Oh the funny photos I ran across. He was 29 when I met him. (I was all of 19 - crazy, right!) One of our first dates - and his crazy outfit - that he thought was just groovy. He bought them from the Sears Catalog, of course (See May 12.) Him cleaning out a pumpkin after he had brought me 10 - yes, TEN - giant ones, all stuffed into a Corvette. Little did he know that I did not like ick on my hands. And yet, he came back for another date. Go figure!
Wedding photos - faded too because we, along with many of our friends, used a photographer who used cheap products - he was long gone by the time our photos faded. But we have the memories.
Photos of him with his little girls - so precious.
Fire Department - some I had never seen. They showed up during another OCD organizational project. Thank goodness for Fire Dept friends who sent photos home with him or I would have had nothing. Now I need to find those friends and find out what the photos are all about!
Of course, this only showed a small part of his life. There are memories that we carry that will never show up in a photo. I love photography because it triggers your memory for things you might bury beneath the surface. We have so much bombarding us these days, that it is harder and harder to recall it all.
And yet, in the quiet, God still spoke. I picked up one more item and it was not a photo at all. It was a bookmark. It held the image of a cup of steaming hot coffee. And it read "His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is Thy Faithfulness" (Lamentations 3:22-23)
Here I was, both enjoying the photos and feeling all teary again because I miss him so much, and God was right there, reassuring me that I will be fine. He has been here and He will be here each and every morning - actually each and every moment. He is faithful.
Roger's Lesson: Oh, he would say that I should probably stop doing things that make me cry - but he would know that I would not listen. But he would say about God's faithfulness - "I won't say I told you - but I told you!"
Yes - photos are good, but a wise young man often reminds me not to live my life behind the lens of a camera. I have used the camera less and less recently. I find that being 'in the moment' with whomever I am with is not only a good thing, it ought to be the preferable thing.
My memory is not fading, but I still hold onto the camera because I just love the memories.
I wish I had made Roger endure and smile at the little birdie just a little more often though.
A hundred photos is just not enough - and if you don't like photos, you might as well smile anyway because it all shows up and sooner or later, somebody is going to remember you in that photo!
Roger - I thank my God, every time I think of you.....
Which is pretty often!
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