It might be easier on my heart to wait a bit, but the thoughts get cold. I don't want cold.
Independence Day made me think of Roger so much. Patriotic, All American Guy, yes he was. He loved this country. He loved it's history and learning about it's struggles. He knew that through struggles and trials, you can have a better outcome, one that makes you stronger, one that makes you different. Tested by fire, so to speak. Only the things that count remain.
I guess he knew well enough about fire.
As I was sitting on the little hill in Nashville, at Crockett Park - who knew that was the Crocket of Davey - it was unusually chilly for a July night in Nashville. It was quiet and peaceful, the music could be heard from the amphitheater below, the lightning bugs were flickering all around - it was a nice night. It could have been a nice date night for Jim and Em - if I had not been with them!
I can see fireworks every night of the year if I look out our front windows, so fireworks are kind of a normal thing around our house. July 4th fireworks are different though. Hearing the sounds of America through music, and sitting below the explosions in the sky is something special. I can only remember a few times that Roger and I stood under the fireworks though. He did not like them. Too much danger! Most of those times were at the Magic Kingdom, while we were dating. After he got the girl, no more danger above his head! That's ok. He lit up my life in other ways.
Sitting so close to the action I started looking at the display through my iPhone. Crazy, but it blocked out the distracting trees and light pole. I was able to focus on the display. It was interesting to snap photos along the way. So many of them looked like space things - nebulas and such. That took me to a time and place far far away...oh, like Star Trek. That's ok- we loved Star Trek!
I thought about the vastness of time and space and how space, the universe was so much a part of our lives. Roger was a part of helping to get men to the moon. He was a part of helping to get the space station floating around up there, and would have given his life to save an astronaut, had it been in his power to do so. He cared about the men and women who were explorers of space. And he had great stories too.
I found myself thinking about how God has a purpose for each of His children. Sometimes we think that if we are not missionaries in a far away land, then what we do for God's Kingdom is not so important, but that is so wrong. We can have parts in taking God to far away lands but He has ordinary kind of stuff that needs attention too. How interesting that He led Roger to a career involving the vastness of the universe. God's universe. I guess it never hit me before like it did while sitting under those fireworks, those mini nebulas.
Roger's Lesson: There's a lot more out there than there is here, darlin'
He's right. God created. Out of a void, nothingness. No one can convince me otherwise. Yes, such an act of faith that something can come from nothing, but with all of the resources Roger had in the realm of working around the US Space Program, he was never convinced otherwise.
In the vastness of it all, I wondered how my little insignificant life could mean anything at all in a universe so big. Yet - I could feel God surrounding me with His comfort. He knew I missed Roger and He knows it every single time. And He always provides what I need, before I can even ask.
How in the world can I do anything but have faith in the Creator of this magnificent universe. I love that we have fireworks because it makes us stop, be patient, and look up.
Maybe the secret is to be still longer, look up longer, and look deeper into the night sky. He's there. Always has been, always will. It's a lot easier to be thankful when I am still.
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