Scooped Up

It is so interesting how you can put your head on the pillow at night and think all will be well until morning's bright sunshine breaks through the window.

Not so last night. OK. I overdid it. I have this annoying little problem with my arm. It needs attention every day. I don't pay attention every day. Sometimes, I just get tired of it. Roger always kept me on track. He knew that you have to deal with the little things every day or they become big things.

Residual effects, he called them. Yes, from cancer, thankfully almost 2 decades ago. I always thought that Roger would outlive me. My genes were weak, or so I thought. He was always so strong. He stuck with me through the cancer. Even on that last treatment when I was 'over it" "just could not do it anymore" "was tired and ready to call it a day" - no he persevered when I had no strength to do so. I'll never forget that day. I ran to the big swing under the grand camphor in the front yard. I buried myself in my pillow and blanket and made up my mind to stay there and let this thing consume me.  I was more tired than I had ever been in my life, and so sick of being sick.  I never have figured out how poison is supposed to make you better. I guess it is just God's way of letting man do what man thinks he has to do because he is so smart. In reality, God controls it all. He controlled - maybe allowed - me to have Roger by my side through that tough walk.  He gave up trying to reason with me and finally just scooped me up and carried me to the car. I remember that I slept through that last treatment, blanket over my head. I often wonder what I might have missed, encouraging others, or being encouraged. It was a learning experience for sure, and through it all, there were changes in me. For the better, I hope. I asked God during the process to always remind me of the journey, so that I would not forget His faithfulness to us.

He allowed lymphedema into my life sometime after that. It came on suddenly, was managed, and managed over time. Always a reminder of that journey though, and I accepted it fairly well. But then, Roger was always there to help me during the challenging times, to move the fluid, to cheer me on and to lend a hand when it was needed.

I guess after 5 months of my not paying attention as closely as I should, it was time for a rebound. Ah. Bandages. Goodness knows, I have the tools to manage it, if I will. That reminds me of life - we have the tools to manage things - if we use them. The best tools are in the Bible - it teaches so much because it is a living, breathing, book - words straight from God.

So, I bandaged up and got ready for a restful night, all ready to be up and at em in the morning. Ah...not so! Three AM rolled around and I knew immediately what I had done. Too tight. You can't apply bandages too tight or you get....numbness!

There were other reasons that I woke up as well, I believe. During that time of trying to loosen the wraps, I was prompted to pray for various people. Some of them, I don't even know, but Roger did. Most, I had no idea what they needed, but God did. I always have felt that when you wake out of a very restful sleep and have people on your mind, it just must be God's way of prompting because a prayer call is needed. Not much is better for anyone than prayer support. I have been, still am, the recipient, and I know this to be true!

After dozing a bit more, that sunshine came through my window! God is faithful. He always allows us to bask in His warmth after a difficult time. Sometimes I think those difficult times take so long because we just don't lean on Him enough. We don't let Him carry us when we are too weak.

I had not thought of Roger carrying me off to that last treatment in years and years. And I am not sure that I ever thought of his doing so, as the way Christ carries us through when we are too weak. I don't think that just means physical illness either. As humans, we are weak in so many ways.

Still, I surely am glad He gave me that example, that reminder.  It just makes me really sad that I could not see that Roger had something going on - no one seemed to see it - and I wish we had. He did for others what none of us seemed able to do for him.

Roger's Lesson: He would tell me that Christ carries those who are His own and to be there to help others but to remember that it is not any of us who knows the outcome of any journey, only God knows that - but faith and trust in Him will carry us through.

He surely was a good example of living that - not just for me, but for lots of people.

Rest well, Roger. Enjoy the fullness of Heaven.