It's a nice little break to be here in Nashville. It is my normal summer thing to do, so I decided to keep on with the plan that we set forth back in January.
I can't say that it is not a little bit hard though. This time, one year ago we were in Nashville, all of us, for Mary's wedding. Roger had such a good time up here. He and Jim got to hang out and do Civil War stuff. They bounced back and forth between Jim's Starbucks and Roger's Dunkin Donuts - coffee, of course. He had a great time at the wedding and I even got to dance with him a bit. He was required to dance before he could go back to the hotel to check on Kellen. Ah, the memories. It is good to have such good memories.
This morning my sister and I were looking at photos from a year ago. Roger was ten years older than both of us and we were reflecting on things like... What if we had only 10 more years to live. What if Roger had known he had less than one more year on earth. What decisions would we make, what things would we do.....stuff like that.
It's an interesting though process actually. It makes you stop and think about all of the things we choose to do in the course of a day that really don't matter at all, if you were living your last year on this earthly journey. It's been nice to get away and leave my busy projects behind for a while. Those projects do keep me moving forward and seem to give me a sense of purpose for the moment, but I know that in due time I will need to get back to things that are far more fulfilling than cleaning out closets. Roger was entirely right about one thing...'if you did not have so much in that closet, you would not have to clean it out so often." Yes, dear.
The best part of the day seems to just slip away when you sleep late. While I have been away though, I just decided to let my body do what it felt it needed. Maybe we all need times every now and again when we have no particular demands on us. No appointments, no commitments, just time to relax, refresh, and most of all to listen for God's direction. That is almost impossible to do in the busy-ness of our normal lives.
Roger was such an early riser. It did not matter if he went to bed early or late, he was still up by the crack of dawn, if not before. I generally slept through it, but he would be in and out of the house two or three times before I got out of bed. It is a good think he was a firefighter - perfect career for someone who could open their eyes and be 'on and alert.' I personally prefer that no one speak around me until around 10 AM. I can make adjustments on occasion, but don't care to on a regular basis.
I have decided in the last few months though that this schedule is just dumb. There are lots of things you can do in the early morning without having vocals going on. Time to listen for God's direction is one of the wonderful things that early morning brings. I think it is pretty special to just have that time with Him before He gets busy with the rest of this crazy world. When I do this, my day is always better!
Roger's Lesson: He would actually be surprised that I am finally getting it. He would be delighted, actually. "Your feet should hit the floor when the bell rings and you should be fully alert!"
Oh, sure! Only if you are a firefighter, which I am clearly not.
Roger would probably think it was back in the first month or so of our marriage, 41 years ago, when I would actually get up and prepare breakfast. (That ended quickly when I learned that he really only wanted coffee and donuts on his way to work ....whew for me!) Yes - when I wake up early, I thank God for a new day, new opportunities, new challenges that He will get me through ...and I think about Roger and I work hard to smell his coffee and sausage.
I know that is just a memory now, but it is a sweet one and makes me think really good things about the very early morning and how I am going to choose to use each new day that I am given.
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