One of the first things I asked God, back on February 10, was to help me to see the big picture in all of this change that came so instantly into our lives. "Our" because our family is so close. We live close to one another, unlike so many families in this day and age. Roger and I always felt so blessed that our grown children actually liked being around us. It is really hard to be near your children and still resist the urge to parent them, but we always felt that ours happened (by the grace of God) to grow up practically perfect in every way, so we certainly have enjoyed the ride!
I think everyone was a little bit afraid that this turn in our lives would make us drop certain things. Things like family dinners, or grandkids just hanging out. It is very very easy to just stay in my jammies each day and just stay home. It is very very easy to keep to myrself so I don't cry in front of others or have them show pity or think I am depressed. Too easy. Roger would have hated it if we did that, and we have all made an effort to do this differently, if we can.
Roger was always "all about people" and this is very hard for me. Being task driven, I could easily tie my life up with one project after another, probably for years on end. I enjoy people, but I am also quite content in my own space. I'm not really sure how long that would last, or how good it would even be, but I could slip into it easily if not for good friends and family who keep me out and moving.
One thing that is precious is grandchildren time. During this time of year, Jacob especially is so busy with school work and sports that I barely see him except on weekends. Today it rained, and it rained a lot. I was too busy to let my tears flow with those raindrops though. Emily and Jacob came to play! And play we did!
Our creativity for the day played itself out with rice krispies. I love the way Emily explains the 'rules' for the project. Funny - creativity and rules. I prefer to call them plans. FIRST, we think about what we want our creation to look like, once iced, THEN we plan out how to get there. I think it is a rather good life lesson. If you don't know where you are going, then how do you know that you got there?
Rules don't have to be evil or cumbersome. Plans actually give you creative freedom.
Their art work was precious, and even had approval signatures. Has someone been watching a little too much of Cupcake Wars and Cake Boss? But, there was a plan! Listening to young people think out loud as they create has always been a fascinating thing to me. These two were no exception! The little bunnies had nothing too much to do with the real reason we celebrate Easter, but kids like them, and the mold was a bunny....and besides, bunnies reproduce themselves amazingly fast, and isn't that what disciples are supposed to do?
Roger would have enjoyed tonight's dessert when the kids presented their creations. Disney bakers have nothing on these two with their Krispy Kreations. We ate ears, and cheeks, and paws. Yum. Roger might have enjoyed it covered with chocolate, and we likely would have added it just for him, but he would have loved that they created something special for him.
I miss that. I miss it a lot. We still have family meals, and lots of them, but they will never really be the same. What we do is talk and laugh and plan. We plan to live each day with laughter, even though we still feel the tears. We plan to live each day with people we love and doing things that are important. We know that there is a place for sadness, but we also know that it can overtake you and lead to deep depression. And...
Our God is here to help us overcome even the deepest loss. And it takes being aware of this every moment of every day.
Roger's Lesson: He would say that "Laughter doeth good, like a medicine."
or if straight from Scripture ...
"A merry spirit doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones" Proverbs 17:22
Roger had anything but dry bones, and nothing in me tells me that he would want us to approach our new normal in any other way than with a merry spirit.
Oh, it is hard sometimes, but the time will come when there are more ups than downs and more sunshine than rain.
God promised. I believe.
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