We were taking a walk, with children and dogs, on our beloved sand streets.
It was a shock, to be sure. We were kind of quiet at first, I suppose, just to let it sink in. We were probably wondering - what in the world? The full story was not out yet and that was ok.
It did not take too many more minutes before we found ourselves listing movies and quoting lines from his characters. It is so weird the way they are such a part of our lives, even when, if asked 10 minutes earlier whether or not they were that impactful to us. Interesting the way some people can take the words on a page and create such a memorable character. Numerous times. It is a gift.
I read one post today, evidently from a childhood neighbor, who talked about his early years, his struggle with depression, that clown that covered his pain. Not having a leaning toward psychology at all, I would still guess that most of us deal in one degree or another, with some kind of emotional pain - at least at some point in our lives. Some find a way out and others don't. That some don't find the answer is most sad to me. I know there are many factors that are beyond my comprehension, but since I use the KISS philosophy on life - well there you are. (KISS - Keep It Simple, Soldier) (sounds like a John Wayne acronym, right?)
Robin Williams touched so many of our lives in so many ways. In many ways he reminded me of Bob Hope - mostly because of the way he was so selfless in encouraging our troops. His humor captivated us, his acting challenged us. The only thing I did not like about him was a that middle school bathroom humor that surfaced at times. But then, I never like that from anyone.
Interestingly, I am reminded daily of how much Roger made me laugh - and I miss that ---desperately, so often. Roger hold his own telling a story with the best of the best storytellers. I can recall times when friends were gathered around and we laughed until our sides were splitting. Thankful that I can laugh about this, even now, is only because of one thing. I have great comfort that Roger knew Jesus, and sealed that relationship BEFORE he departed this earth. Mourning takes on a whole different feel, I am sure, because of this one thing.
If Roger dealt with depression, you would not have known it. Surely enough he had times in his life when he felt that things could be going better than they were. We all have those moments. Contract Changes. Union disputes that bothered him. Financial challenges. Everything breaking down in the same week. Things that disappoint you. He never let those things consume him though.
TPA - Think, Plan, Act - he approached life that way and did not stay down long! I'm thankful for that, though I never realized until today that I was thankful for that.
I don't know enough about Robin Williams to even speculate on the spiritual aspect of his life. Truly, even with a mental condition, you can know Jesus and still not allow yourself the freedom to find a way out - I might be oversimplifying it, but when reading so much about the 'great abyss' I can't help but wonder if looking up is not the only way to allow Jesus to get you through it.
I know that on the saddest of days, when I just turn my thoughts to Jesus, even if all I can do it turn on some really good and powerful music (hymns and scripture songs being my favs), it changes my outlook in short order. (This weekend, the six month mark, was one of those times.) That, and the prayers of friends. One thing I have learned is this. You have to let people know HOW to pray for you. I think those very specific prayers are so powerful.
I did not know very many of Roger's KSC folks personally, but so often he would come home, or call during the day, and say " hey kiddo, how about if you pray for xxxx and ask that the answer to his challenge be made very clear to him" He knew that I did not need to know the details - only that the person needed a specific answer for a specific need.
A lot of times it is so easy to pray that God delivers something in short order, or that someone who is seriously ill is miraculously healed. Or lately, as I have experienced, that the pain of grief is just taken away. I can't pray that way. I have to pray that what we experience has an outcome that will bring glory to God. Sometimes people don't get well, but they can die well. Sometimes the answer you want does not come, but sometimes that answer is 'wait' or even 'no.' And sometimes, probably most times, you only learn through the pain that you experience - and grief is very much that way.
Roger's Lesson: He would say - don't succumb to it. Look up. Your strength is not found on this earth, but rather, from above. Only, remember this - the strength comes from the relationship with Christ - not in just knowing about Him. That's the important thing.
Yes, and I can recall this too - back in those dark days of chemo, when I felt so often like I was stepping off the cliff and into the abyss - it was only by faith and the prayers of others who were believing that God was not calling me yet - that I made it through. It took both. Faith - and prayer. And being flat on my back so that I could look up. I had, after all, been too busy to be down often enough to truly look up for any great period of time.
And of course, I can't forget Roger's every cheerful morning greeting " He Kiddo! Let's head on down for some chemo - and then we will get lunch!" Yes, of course I did not see the humor then, and wanted to smack him. But - did I catch the optimism? Well, certainly.
Though I would not wish to go through those times again, the things I learned through that period of intense tribulation are part of what is carrying me through this process called grief today. Faith. Prayers. Looking Up.
And what can we do for the family of Robin Williams? The best thing we can do is to pray that if they do not know Christ in a personal way, that God will place people in their midst right now to show them how that can happen. It is the only thing that really matters.
All of the laughter. All of the challenging words. All of the ways he brought joy and frivolity into our lives does not mean a thing if he is not in the arms of Jesus - for eternity. We may never know that answer - until eternity. And that is what makes me the most sad.
I am so very thankful, and can't express it well enough, for the specific prayers of praying people who got me through that period between Roger's death and his burial. After the shock of it all, what I wanted was for the service to reflect his love for Christ and for it to minister to those who needed that message and needed a changed direction in their lives. Even good lives need a checkup every now and then! Roger's life was good, not because of Roger, or me, or family, or friends. His life was good and he has a great legacy because of Christ and a relationship that will last for eternity.
And on the flip side of the sadness we feel at the moment - for ourselves, the ones left behind - is this: What gives me great joy is that I know that Roger IS in the arms of Jesus. And if I know him as well as I think I do....he is having the time of his ever lasting life. And that is what brings glory to God.
And that is what life is all about.
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