There is something to be said for getting up and getting dressed first thing in the morning. That way you are ready for just about anything that happens. I've sort of been slipping back into the habit of not doing that if I don't have somewhere to go. Bad idea.
I almost missed out on a visit from some very special little ones. Thank goodness they knew about the back door! I had forgotten that it was May Day, but they didn't! Little ones learn sweet things about making days special for others from their mamas. Sweet mama! Thanks Reagan and Jackson! The cookies were yummy!
There are days when I find that I could just stay in the house all day. I'm not really a hermit, but I can always find a way to busy myself. Bored is never a word that would describe me. That's not always a good thing though, because it can be isolating. Isolating is probably not a good thing for this season of my life.
My calendar indicted a special art exhibit for the evening, and I had made a promise. A promise to myself actually, to drive across town to support and encourage the efforts of some special young people. As much as I have loved this thing called 'retirement' I have to admit that I do miss students and I do miss art. Making time for doing it myself seems to be elusive. I love encouraging others though. That was my favorite part of the classroom, I think. Encouraging. Showing students their potential. Helping to open doors. And I had the great pleasure of teaching some of these students when they were wee middle schoolers. And now, they are about to graduate! Time flies!
Roger always called my job my 'hobby.' I finally came to realize that he did not so much look at it as an income generating proposition as much as he looked at it as something that fulfilled my creative spirit in some way. He always supported it, and the hours it took me away from home, though I imagine that he would have been fully content if I had 'retired' a decade ago.
On my way to the exhibit the radio was on and I heard that beautiful, tear-jerking song "Wind Beneath my Wings." Not all of the words tell our story, but part does, and it was one of my messages for Roger when I selected it for a video.
Did you ever know that your'e my hero - and everything I would like to be
I can fly higher than an eagle - because you are the wind beneath my wings
He always did that - he encouraged my dreams. He encouraged me to pursue new opportunities and adventures even if it took me away from home at times. Even when the girls were grown, he never said 'just stay home.' though many times I know he probably wished my schedule allowed for more home cooked dinners.
I spent time reflecting back over 40+ years and realized that we kind of did that a lot for each other. We encouraged the pursuit of dreams for each other. Certainly I was not wild about all of his travel when the girls were so small, and yet, how it opened up the world for him. His travel experiences may well have been an inspiration to Karin, and they kept track of who had been to the most countries. I kept the home fires burning while he traveled the world. He enlarged my view of the world in the process. He encouraged my creativity, wherever it might lead.
He challenged me to overcome my fear of flying, and to see the world. I wish I had done it with him, back when the girls were small. I was too scared to fly. Fear is not a good thing. It paralyzes you.
There are days when I just don't even want to do anything different or anything new, but I see now that it is fear. Fear of doing it alone. Fear that I might make it without him, but I don't want to. Fear that I will turn and think I see him there for me, but it won't be him. Those things paralyze and I know that I have to face those fears. He would challenge me to do it.
Driving home from the exhibit, I realized that he would have driven me, because I don't like to drive at night. He would have had a cup of coffee and waited for me to see the art, and congratulate the students for a job well done. He would have driven me home. It would not have mattered that he did not really care about the subject at hand. It would have mattered that it might be helping someone else to solidify and pursue their own dreams.
Roger's Lesson for me this day - I am sure - was that we all have dreams we should pursue. And it is really wonderful when you have someone who will encourage that and challenge you to do it.
I'm glad we did that for each other.
I find myself wondering what God means when He says that young men will see visions and old men shall dream dreams. I hope it does not mean just looking back, but rather, imagining the future.
He will open doors. I know it. I also know that my dreams will have to change a bit now, but I know that Roger would expect me to keep dreaming. And he will always be my hero, and the wind beneath my wings. For whatever comes next.
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