One thing we have found is that indeed, life goes on, but things change. No matter how much you want to hope that they will be almost the same, they really are not. There is so much that is missing when someone near and dear to your heart departs quickly.
Many people have told us that Roger's sudden departure caused them to seriously re-valuate the purpose of their own lives. Wow, us too! We all think that we are doing pretty important things with our lives, but it is not every moment of every day that we think of what those 'things' are in light of eternity. I always try to keep that central to my thoughts and decision making, but it is so easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of this life we live. It is battle that I constantly fight - busy busy busy.
Somewhere along my life - back in childhood - I was taught that idle hands are the devil's workshop. I was supposed to always be doing something. Busy I could stay too! Muti-taksing - a pro! As I have grown older, and hopefully wiser, I have come to see that idle minds are more likely the devil's workshop and then the hands get into trouble.
But "idle" is not the same as still and quiet. I used to love to lie in the grass and look at the clouds and find shapes and imagine stories and 'paint' those cloud stories in my mind. It looked a lot like ide-ness, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't. I don't see kids doing that anymore.
On Friday we were anything but idle. We packed more in a truck than I thought possible. We unpacked more quickly than we packed it too! The challenge now was to make a place for everything and then put everything in its place. Roger would have been right in there helping to load and unload. He would have disappeared long enough to order a pizza delivery. He would have hoped that there was coffee somewhere along the way.
Mostly though, he would have been very happy to have his baby girl moving so much closer to home. It is hard on parents to have our children far away, even if far is only on the other side of a metropolitan city. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it does not, but I am one very happy mom to see God moving in such a wonderful way for us. My world traveler has her priorities right. She knows what is important to her, and not because I say so. She knows what it takes for her to enjoy peace and relaxation, and along with that, inspiration and energy. She seems to find that unique balance in life that so many of us never attain.
The events of February 10 changed a lot of lives. It changed the way we feel, the way we think, and even the things we do. We came to understand the depth of true love. We find ourselves always thinking and hoping that the decisions we make would be approved of by Roger. We find as often though, that we are confident that he would be pleased. That is a pretty good feeling.
I still have so many moments when it feels like he is at work, or off on a run and will be right back. I am still startled into reality so often. It still seems surreal in so many ways.
I still take the time to evaluate, and re-evaluate the course of my own life. Karin reminds me often that it is too soon for me to know where life is going to take me on this new journey of mine. She is right. A year from now, I don't know what I will see when I look back. Hopefully it will be someone who has continued to grow in Christ, someone who still has a sense of eternal purpose and interesting ways to minister and serve each day.
Roger's Lesson: He would have made sure that everyone had food and water every moment of the day and mostly he would be glad that we did the moving part quickly. He would have been most proud that Karin has re-grouped and focused on what is best for her, rather than simply maintain the status quo simply because it was easier that way. And he would say that tired is ok as long as it is a 'good tired' from doing something really productive from an eternal point of view.
We might be making it, but he is very much missed!
A girl has got to have her flowers!
Loaded up and ready to go...
Off for a new adventure. Trusting God for all that is wonderful, for He knows better than any of us what is most beneficial in our lives.
We don't have to understand. We just have to trust.
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