Anticipation. All of the planning, all of the research, all of the thoughts about what these high school students would learn was about all I could think about.
Well, it was all I wanted to think about.
In the back of my mind, I had my doubts about where my life was heading. We had almost survived a year without Roger at our sides. I had seen God's hand directing our lives time and again throughout the year.
One thing for sure, I had no doubt that He was leading and that I was doing my best to follow. Not being one to 'force open' a door that was clearly closed, I just trusted Him to guide me along on the trip.
Meeting with the students was exciting. Like every year, their excitement peaked the day before departure. All of those months of meetings - I always wonder if they are absorbing anything - their lives are so busy. The day before departure is so exciting though, because they are ready.
Wow - I often wonder how we would live our lives if God would just give us one day before our departure. How would we use it. Would be be as excited. I always hope that I am! I want live on earth to be exciting because I expect life in eternity to be even more exciting. We are preparing, right?
News to deliver - back up plan. It was the responsible thing to do. I had no doubts that this trip was well planned and I could handle it. But, responsibility comes first. My first responsibility was to the kids and the school. Back up plan. Only God could have allowed what took place to have happened. Only God.
January 7 - Departure day. I love the early morning meeting at the airport. It is always funny that I meet with parents and kids alike and go over the procedures - but they never listen. It is like prying the parents away from their kindergarten child on the first day of school just to get them to move over to the airport atrium. Every year, same story. Is is the kids hanging on, or the parents? Oh - it is the parents. Kids are always ready for adventure and parents are always wishing it was them with the suitcase. I love it.
Everything ran smoothly, well other than the rather testy airline greeter. She needed some coffee. She missed the blessing of greeting these wonderful kids with a smile. They smiled anyway. TSA was easy - what a great group. I would later say that this was as perfect a group of students as one could hope for. Truly.
Off to JFK we went. It was a pretty decent flight. I love take-off. I just try to totally relax and embrace that feeling of leaving the ground - that 'weightless' feeling - I try to image transforming into that new body as I am raptured away. I found myself sharing with God that it would be really cool if I could be around to experience the rapture. We were finally up above the clouds and all was well....until. Until we thought we were on the Tower of Terror - that 13 story drop. Ever experienced that? Oh. My. Goodness. I did experience it - ONCE at TOT. And once in an airplane - at that moment. My first thought was - God, I hope that pilot is walking with you and it is not his time to be called home - and then, well, we are all supposed to be prepared each day, so if it worked for Roger, it will work for me. Kinda soon in my book, but your call, Lord.
Then Mitch poked me to tell me about the little kid throwing up in front of us. I knew then that it was going to be a long week. And not because of the high school kids!
For the rest of the flight, I just did that birthing breathing, lightly - and thought about Europe. I thought about the great cathedrals and about things that I loved to photograph - doors being one of them. I thought about how God has a path for each of us and how he lights the way, opens doors before us and closes them as well. I was looking forward to seeing what some of the cathedral doors looked like on this trip. All of them are a bit different. Every Cathedral, though all are built to glorify God - are different in some fashion. We don't have this architecture, this craftsmanship, in America.
We finally landed - safely - and did the things we had to do during our five hour layover.
And things changed. Dramatically.
He allowed me to get to New York. Only time will tell us why.
He just as clearly closed the door for Milan.
Though I did not know on January 7. by January 15 -the return date, I was fully aware of why He closed that door.
I will be forever grateful for people in my life who are tuned in to God's leading. I will be forever grateful that somewhere along my life journey, I learned not to push through just to get what I wanted. And truly - I wanted to go to Europe with these kids - with every fiber of my being.
Roger's Lesson: Sometimes you have to step back and do nothing more than trust. You have to trust that you are listening to God and you have to trust that those around you are listening and also that they might see something you do not see. People don't often do that. That is why we need so many first responders. Try not to wear them out.
I now know that if I had boarded that plane to Milan, we most certainly would have had the need to call on some European first responders. And siting where I am today, I know that I would not be sitting in as healthy a position as I am today had I boarded that plane.
Oh - thank you Lord, for guiding us all. Thank you that the kids had a great trip and brought back great memories to share with me. Thank you that their journey was not altered by my stubbornness. Thank you for using this situation to aid them in their lives to help them learn to be more dependent on You - for they only think they know the future and theirs will be far more wonderful with you than without you! Thank you for the blessing they have been to me.
On with the journey. That plane ride might have been your message to me that this is going to be a rough ride this year, but you still have me in the palm of your hand!
I love you, Judi Girl.
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