East

February 16, 2015

I drifted off to sleep last night with the faint sound of bagpipes floating through my mind.  That sound. That beautiful but oh, so mournful sound brought back a flood of memories from the past year.

Bagpipes at Roger's service.
Bagpipes at the Florid Fire Chief's Memorial Service
Bagpipes at the Florida State Fire College Memorial Serivice

There will be more at the State of Florida Fallen Firefighter Memorial Dedication in Tallahassee in March.

The ones that stand out the most though are not the ones that passed by me during a service, but the faint sound in the distance of one particular hymn.

The sounds in my mind are as fresh today as they were a year ago. It is after the service had ended at the cemetery. I remember feeling like my heart was going to explode.  A flag had been presented to Kristin, the Chief's helmet was presented to Karin, and a Medal was presented to me.  The bugle played,  the Final Call was sounded to all of the fire departments in Orange County, and then the sound of that Final Call bell - sounding across the time and space that we were inhabiting.

It was  borrowed bell that day, but KSC has their own bell today. I am happy that we were able to assist with that because it is something that will sound in the hearts and minds forever for a firefighter's family.

Then it was quiet.

Then off in the distance I heard it.....'It is well with my soul."......played slowly and deliberately. Each breath inhaled and exhaled so that each note meant something.

I recall sitting there wondering when the tears would stop, and yet having such a peace.
I recall the words playing over and over in my head while the sound of the bagpipes sounded in the distance.

I do not recall having any part of the decision making involved with much of the service - especially the part that the Fire Department provided  - yet this was perfect.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way
When sorrows, like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say
It is well - it is well - with my soul

Indeed - I did not know what the days ahead would bring. I only knew that God was helping me to get through that one.

Indeed - It has been quite the year. Ups and Downs. Laughter and tears but more laughter than tears - we determined to make it that way. We could do that because it is well with our souls.

Indeed - what is behind has made us stronger, though life is certainly different now.  But it has also given us strength for what we are facing in this new year.  And it is well with our souls.

I love those old words in the hymns - most people don't even want to make the effort to make sense of them today - but I find them both challenging and comforting

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live
If Jordan above me shall roll
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul

But, Lord, tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait
The sky, not the grave, is our goal
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!

This always makes me think of some of Roger's words during the last days of his earthly life ..
" Hey, if the trumpet sounds today, I am ready. Even if it does not sound, I am ready."

Roger's Lesson:  Maybe I did not say it to you in those words, sweetie, but I think you knew and I know it has been confirmed.  I kept asking if you were listening....I think you were....well, most of the time. 

Hmm....well, I wonder if it would have made sense to me if he had said those words to me - but I know they give me comfort and I know that they point to God's perfect timing - for Roger.

I know that when that scene from February 15, 2014 surfaces from the depths of my memories, I will clearly hear the final verse of that beautiful hymn...

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll
The trump shall resound - and the Lord shall descend
Even so, it is well with my soul

And every morning I look to the eastern sky, and I hope this is the day.
I guess I always will.