It is Valentine's Day. I did not do so well.
My Valentine gifts are still on the table - undelivered.
My mind has been elsewhere all day. Well, all day when I was not sleeping.
Even when I was with others, it was always in the back of my mind. This day.
One year ago, I remember thinking that we would not do a 'visitation' - 'gathering' - whatever it is that they call it these days. That evening before a funeral service.
Back in the day they called it "laid out." - I have learned since that those really wide doors in really old houses are for the 'laid out' rooms. My grandparent's house had one. The front door was particularly wide, even if it was not a double door. And the door to the 'front room' was really wide. There was a reason. Folks who had departed were 'laid out' in there so friends and family could pay their respects. That's right - a little bit of trivia enriches your life!
Earlier in the week - a year ago, I recall the 'making of plans and schedules' to prepare for Roger's home-going. (As if he was not already home) We had determined that the funeral service would be on Saturday, due to travel, logistics and other reasons. That meant that the 'gathering of friends' would be on Friday. Friday was Valentine's Day last year. I remember suggesting that we just forget it because after all, people had plans on Valentine's Day and no one would want to do this on such a special day. I was over-ruled. I submitted.
Valentine's Day - I also remember waking up that morning and finding on Roger's dresser - a card. It was not signed, but it was new. A Valentine's card. He had purchased it on the morning of Feb. 10 on his morning errands. By Valentine's day, there would have been a gift card to some fancy restaurant and a gift card to the mall enclosed. He was predictable, this man of mine.
It was a different kind of Valentine's Day.
I was also surprised with beautiful roses. All of the girls were. They were from Jim. "Roger would have done this" he finally admitted. What a heart. What a big heart! Who notices things like that?
Jim does.
Evening approached and it was time to get dressed for the 'gathering.' I felt like it was going to be a long and quiet evening, but another one of those things that was a bridge we had to cross.
Boy, was I surprised!
but what did Roger call EVERYBODY?
Hello - what was a more perfect time for family and friends to visit him than on Valentine's Day - the day when everyone was called SWEETIE!
What a mood changer! I found out that night that while we might have been sweetHEARTS - about everyone else in the world was to him 'sweetie.'
And they turned out in force, and oh, how they put together an honor service for him. I had no idea what to expect and I was nothing short of overwhelmed.
I think we all were.
These guys - they serve and protect. They fight fires and save lives. The are as tough as anyone you would ever want fighting for you and also as gentle as anyone could ever hope to be. A rare breed indeed. And their hearts are HUGE.
And Roger loved every one of them and it was not until I finally got to go to the fire station ( not an easy task in this post 9-11 world we live in) - I finally understood. I finally understood that there was no way that this man 'Chief Tome' was going to retire on his own. There was no way he would ever have been able to just walk away and say 'enough.' There was no way, even though he had told me for years that 'this might be my last shift.' "Today they might give me the boot." "Today they might say I am too old."
"Never gonna happen." was what his Chief told me. "If you wanted him to retire, you should have told ME, because I was never going to force it on my own!" Oh Rick! And that is a whole other story I could tell!
Well, thanks guys - because you surely made his workdays rich!
And now understand how much you must miss that intercom going off at random, yet often times, with the call .....
And you melted my heart a year ago and I have prayed for so many of you so often in the past year. Roger's last shift might not still be together - they mix it up about every year and change around, retire, go out on medical - etc...but one thing they do is stick together. They care about each other deeply and are helping others until the day they are called home. It must be in the firefighter blood - or in their heart.
We realized a year ago that Roger was many things as he walked this earthly journey. Some people, mostly neighbors, did not even know he was a firefighter. They knew he was always there to help. Many thought he was independently wealthy because he was home so much. He was - he had a wealth of friends and family and random people from all over the place. Most people knew him as Roger. Or the man in the swing. Or the runner who looked like he was about to give out (though he never was - it was just his running style.) Or the man on the bench at Allen's. Or Rog. Or Chief. Or Piggy ....oh that leads to another long story.
I met people that night that I had not seen in years. Some came in from out of town to see us. Some were former students and their parents - I never even knew that I had touched their lives in such a way that they would come. There were firefighters who had to tell me their 'nickname' in order for me to know who they were - because often I had never even heard their real name. There were people from Roger's past - 40 years ago - who worked with him at OFD - who came. There were friends, both his and ours who came - and they just kept coming and coming and coming - until my precious funeral director said that he just had to take Roger home. He would not leave him unattended all night - he just never did.
I think it is one of those things that they really should video tape, because those are memories and faces that I desperately want to remember. They are moments that I could not take in, much less comprehend, at the time. I remember never feeling numb, in the least, but I do remember feeling so overwhelmed with love. It was truly a gift from God.
And at the end of it all - I realized that even though I knew that Jesus called Roger home when Jesus was ready - we only really 'got it' that it was at a perfect time, because NO one was more perfect to have his own personal 'gathering of friends' happen on Valentine's Day than the man who called practically everyone he ever met
Roger's Lesson: I guess I laughed, Karin, didn't I?
Oh, I know this one - he would not want all of this attention at all. In fact, when he ever did talk about funerals, he would tell me - no bagpipes - none of that fire department stuff - no attention - I won't be there. And Karin's response the last time it came up "Well, you don't get a vote."
And he laughed.
Ha! Well, sweetie! I hope you were looking down from Heaven - because if you were not, then you missed a pretty sweet Valentine's Day!
Thank you, everyone, for leaving us with a most special collection of memories.
Beautiful tribute to your Roger.
ReplyDelete