Appointments

Appointments. Roger made this appointment with Social Security on February 5. He insisted that since my 'big birthday' was coming up, I needed to be prepared. Of course, I was already not prepared to meet with the "SSA" believing of course, that I was not really 'that old."  But he insisted. And yes, you could register online, but why do that when you can talk to a person. Oh Roger! 

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that this person to person appointment would be instead for applying for 'survivor benefits."  That sounds so...I just don't even know how it sounds.

This one I KNEW better than to do alone and though he said I did really well, it was because Jim was at my side. 

One thing to remember when dealing with a government agency is to be prepared, and I was. I had a notebook filled with any kind of paper they might want, including wedding photos. (And if you think THAT was not hard...)  You come prepared and they are pretty nice to you too! Our agent was soft spoken and stayed on task and made the process less emotional than I had expected it to be. She never opened the door to frustration. Oh thank you! 

Those wedding photos...wow we were young once, and I was even younger! Ten years...you would think I might have been more prepared for this, as people say, when marrying an old guy. Roger was NEVER old though. Even at 71, he was not old. Old...that is 90. So, no, I never once saw myself sitting in a SSA office applying for survivor benefits. 

But, uncanny as it might sound, Roger was right about an appointment with a person, for that is what was necessary on this day. I keep finding it remarkable the way he always planned for the future but lived each day as if it might be his last on earth. And he was not morbid in ANY sense of the word. 

Possibly as a first responder, he always knew that there was the potential for something to go badly on any call. It is like that for first responders, and he lived that life for 52 years.  Actually, God never actually PROMISES tomorrow. So when you think about it, well....I guess we should all think about it. 

The nicest comment of the experience was "Oh, my dear, I am so sorry for your loss, and you are so very young"....oh, give me more of that! I feel anything but young at the moment!  And yet, how many really young women have I known personally who have sat in this very same spot, with young children to think about as well. 

So, I am not alone in this journey.  I know that. Others have walked it and others have survived. 

And Roger's lesson would be .... that you can do this. I worked hard for all of my life and invested in SSA for us, and now for you. But, be different. Live life to the fullest, be conservative where you must, but don't stop living. You are too young for that. 

Oh, Roger.  Most days, I just want to be older like you, closer to the end of my journey. But in reality, not a single day is promised to any of us, young or old. So, for you, I will keep that young and positive outlook.   (We all know that you stayed young because you had a child bride, right?) You talk to everyone in Heaven til I get there...then they all have to go away when it is my appointment. I will continue to miss you into my old age.