Yes, I read every one that came in the mail, and I know that I thought about the message, but I am sad to say that so much of it is a blur right now.
I am thankful for the time to re-read these cards. I am thankful that it was not necessary for me to run back to the place of employment and that Roger was so glad when I decided that retirement sounded wonderful after 25 years in one place. On 'my' schedule that retirement date would have been the end of the school year 2014. Look what I would have missed. God even ordered my life 3 years ago, for just a time as this.
I see those messages time and again in these cards. Such words of comfort and peace. And deep down, I do have that.
But, a failure? Yes...I am so horrific at sending out cards. I always mean well and yet hardly ever get around to getting one in the mail. This needs to change. Maybe I never really realized what a little ole card could do. Sounds like a Hallmark moment, doesn't it?
See, I always thought that if you did not get the card out before the funeral, well, Miss Manners would come and have a sit down with you. Better to skip it than get a reprimand, right?
Oh...so wrong. I know that now and in that, there is HOPE! Cards came in the mail today. Cards came that reflected on the service and said how it ministered in the senders life. Cards came that told me stories about Roger, that were recalled only after being in the service. Cards continue to come and they tell me about how this was 'new' news and sad news. Cards have been coming from near and far and oh how I treasure each of them.
On an aesthetic note, I am also enjoying some quite beautiful penmanship! Ah...such a lost art!
I have a drawer full of beautiful cards...artsy, you know....but never 'appropriate' with the sayings that are right for the moment. Guess what, world.....I do believe that I will start using those blank cards with beautiful artsy images on them and make them my signature! (Actually I received one today and it inspired me to think like this....from an artist, of course)
Always one to walk to the beat of a different drummer.....or maybe to walk differently to the ONE AND ONLY True drummer.....why not be different with cards? Yes, I plan to keep these cards in a basket where I can dip in for a refreshing thought every now and again. They will continue to inspire and encourage and perhaps make the loss less intense because there was such great love expressed for Roger.
In a way, I still can't believe all of this. And yet, in a way, I just must. Each day is different, to be sure. But today and it's stacks of cards, and basket full of sentiments actually gave me such great hope. Not just that tomorrow will be brighter than today, or that God has got this whole thing under control, but that I am not a total failure due to my lack of card sending abilities. Other people did not meet Miss Manner's criteria....so therefore I shall follow in THEIR footsteps and send a card when the Spirit moves me to send it.
Roger's Lesson: Failure is not an option. Just re-group and take another stab at it.
Just remember how many times Thomas Edison failed because he could not invent an incandescent light bulb? But that ONE time that it finally worked! And look what Roger left for me....an lifetime supply of 100 watt INCANDESCENT light bulbs!
Hallelujah!
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