Just Too Young

Just too young. 

My emotions are all over the place lately. I returned home Sunday to find out some most horrific news. I am stunned, in disbelief yet again, so saddened about the choices people make in this world of ours. Young lives ended too soon. Young people who are dealing with the results of the actions of others, others with no regard for human life. Any human life. 

I look at Roger's life and am reminded again that it was good. He gave a lot and he received a lot. He put others before himself. He truly had a servant's heart and served others in many ways that I never even realized. Maybe God just created him that way, and then maybe because of God...specifically Christ living in him....it was just expressed that way.  There is still so much that I don't understand about life. Cards continue to come to me revealing stories about Roger's quite remarkable life.

After some interesting conversation with a really special doctor this afternoon, I came away recognizing that perhaps Roger had fulfilled what he was here to do. I mean, yes, I know this...my faith teaches me this, and I believe it, but it does not always make me less sad. The doctor reminded me again that often 'these things' give us no symptoms and there is not anything that can be done to prevent 'a widow-maker'.....man, I hate that term. OK. All I can do is accept it. And though I never for one minute ever expected to live out my life without Roger (even though he was 10 years older than me)...here I am, in a situation I never ever envisioned.  And yet....

And yet, in this same span of time, there is this very young widow in this very same space on this planet, who is dealing with a seriously tragic situation. A young man, who served and protected, who loved his job and being out with the people more than he wanted to be safely behind a desk, who was friendly and helpful and truly served others...and gone. Instantly. It is really no wonder that Roger liked him so much. He stuck with us in this town even through the nastiness that took place in his very department in past years. He stood for what was right, never caved or compromised, and even closer to my heart....was a wonderful friend and mentor to a fine young man that I happen to care a lot about. What a great loss. 

Tonight as I am thinking about those wonderful first responders at KSC, many who told us about how Roger was a mentor to them, I find myself ever more thankful for his life and his impact. But I am also thinking about this very special young man on our own police department who lost someone who was a partner and a mentor. My heart is breaking for him, almost more than my own heart is breaking over Roger's early departure. This emotional pain thing is really exhausting! It is exhausting and the absolute only thing that brings relief is prayer...prayer, scripture, and knowing that God has allowed this in our lives for a reason...although we may not know the reason for a good long time. My heart hurts for his wife as well, for I know the 'fear' that can overtake the spouse of a first responder. Roger helped me to not let 'fear' consume me and I am thankful for that. 

I know that this young man will make it through. His heart is sensitive but he is strong. I am praying that his faith will be enlarged as he works his way through this very dark valley. I am praying for the many people in this town who have lost wonderful people in the span of less than two months and many just can not make sense of it all. Many are looking at life now from a different perspective. I keep asking God to show me the big picture, and find myself so thankful when He gives me glimpses of what I often just can not understand. 

In many ways, I am glad that Roger is not having to experience this. I know he would be strong and encourage others, but I also know that this would have broken his heart. I keep searching for an answer to my question...Roger....what is the lesson here? 

I think Roger's Lesson might be that constant reminder of his....."Plan for the future but live each day as if it were your last."

We did talk about that a lot, but I was always contemplating it in reference to me....hoping I am 'on task' doing something that would be pleasing to the Lord, hoping I would step out of this life and into the next doing something I love, and that He would love, and knowing that I was on my journey home, each and every day. Hoping I was not spending my days on wasteful things. We agreed about a lot of things, so I know that was his desire as well, and I believe he did just that. Just too soon.

I know that our young Officer "Robbie" loved what he was doing and was happy to be away from a desk. I know that my young friend is probably thinking of all of the 'what ifs' about now, but in his heart, knows that only God knows the date and time and circumstances in advance. We can only humanly control some things, but we can all pray for a hedge of protection around those who protect us. But even with that, God has his children in the palm of His Hand, whatever the circumstance. Only He can get us through this dark valley. 

Perhaps the thing we all need to do is to re-assure our loved ones that we know that we are on an earthly journey toward our eternal home.....and that we know where that home is and what the reward will be.  There is only ONE WAY, of course.....so don't be fooled by something false! 
I can still hear Roger saying that. Thanks Roger, for that reminder!